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#199981 - 01/17/08 05:13 PM huge major trigger
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
humiliation. whether i'm being humiliated, hearing about someone being humiliated, reading about someone being humiliated or watching someone being humiliated. humiliation is a MAJOR trigger for me. brings up insecurities and RAGE.

enough so that fear of it is keeping me from reaching out to the friends i want and need the most.

so no matter how much i share - what i tell people - it's never the whole story.

because they might humiliate me with it? no.

because opening myself up to anyone is the most humiliating thing i can think of.

this is a major new insight - i'm literally shaking as i type this. i am so embarrassed of who i am that anyone getting to know me is humiliating to me.

crap - how wierd is THAT?




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#199998 - 01/17/08 07:55 PM Re: huge major trigger *DELETED* [Re: MarkK]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Post deleted by Freedom49


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#200010 - 01/17/08 09:44 PM Re: huge major trigger [Re: Freedom49]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
weird but normal. that's one way to play both sides of the coin....

m


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#200012 - 01/17/08 09:52 PM Re: huge major trigger [Re: Freedom49]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Wow Mark,

Can I ever relate to your plight. Humiliation... huge for me! Especially anything that I perceive to be a public humiliation. Oh my Gosh. Huge for me.

You definitely do not have to feel alone with this one. I guess that we can cringe together.

God bless,
John, The Music Man.


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#200013 - 01/17/08 09:56 PM Re: huge major trigger [Re: MusicMan]
Patrick Walsh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/08
Posts: 22
Loc: PA
IF I even THINK someone in a movie Im watching will be demeaned cruelly, I literally have to turn away. I cannot intellectually convince myself that it is a movie. Or a story. It hurts ME. and triggers me.

It's very palatable. And many, many feel the same way. not just SA

Pat

_________________________
I'm a good person. I'm a good man. I'm a postive force and I will not be shamed.

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#200019 - 01/17/08 10:22 PM Re: huge major trigger [Re: Patrick Walsh]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Ever watch the opening rounds of american/canadian Idol, it is painful beyond belief, I just can't watch.

I told you about my avatar picture Mark, what I didn't say was my feelings at that time, it was pure humiliation.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#200027 - 01/17/08 11:37 PM Re: huge major trigger [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
it hurts
so bad

i hate recovery


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#200072 - 01/18/08 10:11 AM Re: huge major trigger [Re: MarkK]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
One word comes to mind in light of this. Sensitization.

I have similar problems with humiliation, and I think because of our fear of being found out during our childhoods, we have become extremely sensitive to feelings of humiliation. Unfortunately, since the abuse is kept secret it becomes a chronic problem in adulthood. In fact, we become so sensitive, that it tends to cause us to become enraged.

I believe that it is not something we can readily control. Our brains have had to cope continuously with unhealthy amounts of stress for a ridiculously long amount of time. Subsequently, a little bit of stress tends to escalate into a much bigger, more unpleasant stressful feeling very quickly. I believe that it is mostly biochemical, and not psychological. I have read that it involves the release of disproportionate amounts of adrenaline and cortisol, and I believe that which helps me to realize that I'm not doing it to myself. Does this make any sense?

I have found that many emotions can cause me to become enraged if they are strong enough. Just yesterday, I experienced this at work when I was trying to remove a very hot substance from a vessel. The way my manager wanted me to do it was not practival at all. It was so hot that I was experiencing pain, and the hot chemical was dripping all over on my gloves, my pants, and my shoes. The frustration quickly turned to rage which lasted for several hours.

Just some of my thougts, hope it makes sense.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#200073 - 01/18/08 10:13 AM Re: huge major trigger [Re: cbfull]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Sorry Mark, I made a mistake with my post, I was trying to show you I relate and I ended up making you think about it. Very sorry.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#200074 - 01/18/08 10:18 AM Re: huge major trigger [Re: MarkK]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6358
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Humiliation! Yeah! That's a HUGE one for me. Thank you for identifying it. The trouble is it IS real....its not just a perception....it IS real! I got hit with this as a kid, a teen and an adult. Nothing in my history can be or is as bad as fucking humiliation

I was going to say that "its one of the most devasting aspects to my life." I think not...I think it is THE most devastating aspect to my life.

I get to experience devastating humiliation periodically in my sales career. Some managers will use it to try and motivate you. It does nothing more that put me in such a deep-dark place that I just want to die.

In school, if I was humiliated, it would easily result in me missing two solid weeks of school "do to illness."

It truly is the nuclear weapon on my mental health. Humiliation could genuinely cost me my life.

I know people who can actually "laugh at themselves" in these situations...or just "laugh it off." I've never understood that and apparently never will.

People accuse me of "taking life or things too seriously." Well, if I didn't behave accordingly in childhood, bad things would happen.

Yeah....HUMILIATION... Mark, you sure identified something huge.

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