Two things, if I can revive this thread:
I did quite a bit of checking out of the abandonment.net web site. And here's my last e-mail to them (at the site):
What bothers me here, is there is an air of deception. The only consistent part is when you try to sell me something. And why is the workbook $75? Not that it shouldn't be, but why aren't you upfront with all that? And people I've contacted from the group list, are kind of confirming that. They've been disappointed too. How sad! From a therapist.
You appeared to have an innovative "business model", using a book, workbook, peer group, facilitator resources, workshops, information and referrals all coordinated and integrated by a web site. That in itself I find very interesting. Too bad you are not able to make it really work. For example, I notice you haven't bothered to remove the unresponsive contact information for area code 612 I told you about. Two e-mails, two phone calls, no responses.
So, NO! I have no intentions of buying your book or anything else at this point. In fact, I think my experience needs more exposure on the web so people know better what to expect.
There is often this subtext of neglect and abandonment with us here. And the effects of neglect on a child, are, .... well, neglected I think. Nothing really bad ever happens with neglect to point your finger at, like in the case of SA. But the effects of growing up without ever having a safe, trusting relationship with another person, a parent, is really profound. The disconnection from others becomes a disconnection from ourselves. That can be difficult to heal.
That's my story certainly. I really notice in the survivor stories here when the survivor has someone
he confides in, can talk to, be close with. Perhaps he doesn't disclose the abuse but maybe one parent is emotionally accessible. Or there is a sibling who becomes a confidant to share feelings in safety. Or there is an uncle, aunt, grandparent, or someone who seems safe and the boy trusts without harm. Because when I think about how I would tell my story, (I'm working on it), it stands out to me that I had absolutely no one I trusted or was particularly close to as a child. No brother or sister (my one brother seriously threatened me and disappeared completely when I was 10), no friend (we moved at age 14, and later my best friend killed himself), both my parents were very absent/abusive as parents, no relative, no teacher or other adult (I see now how my parents were jealous of my interest in many adults and ended these relationships, and how several were abusers or potential abusers grooming me). I had tremendous fears around girls and women from how emotionally abusive my mother was. And starting in my teens, I grew up very afraid of my male friends because I had a tremendous fear of my same-sex attractions (which also was a fear of the abuse those attractions reminded me of). It's like the stars aligned to completely cut me off from people.
I think the term for this is "abandonment trauma". For me, I think this is bigger than the SA, which just confirmed you can't trust people. I don't know. But I guess that's what I hear in the "what's a relationship? "