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#200028 - 01/17/08 11:38 PM Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
All right, I know Dr. Laura's horribly, and sometimes viciously, wrong. I do not in anyway condone the overly conservative morality she professes and counsels on her radio show and in most of her books. (For the record, I'm actually a huge fan of Dr. Joy Browne and have found her program extremely helpful over the past two years, I do not listen to Dr. Laura at all). But I have to say, I'm finding this particular book very interesting, and dare I say it... illuminating.

There is a core thesis here that I think makes sense, although I think it's really important to be careful in how you express it. Healing here isn't simply about letting go of the past (as a lot of people I think misstate or misunderstand the goal of healing to be). It's about finding ways to move towards focussing more and more on living in the present moment, not at the expense of dismissing, ignoring, giving up on, or forgetting the past. The challenge is instead finding ways to accept that bad things happened, that we were not in control and not to blame, but that, ultimately, we have to take the responsibility on our shoulders to find a way out of the dark places other people shoved us into.

In any event, I'm surprised to find myself really feeling challenged and moved by this book and the ideas Dr. Laura uses. I will not let her off the hook for many of her more offensive and blatantly inflammatory statements (with regards to homosexual behavior for instance). But I see no reason to dismiss a god idea, or even a good book when it comes from even a poisoned pen.

I'm curious if anyone else has read the book, and if so what their feelings are on it.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#200029 - 01/17/08 11:41 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: tartugas]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
i can't read anything written by a fake like "Doctor" Laura.

sorry - she set me off a long time ago - i discounted her the minute i saw her for the fake she is

m


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#200030 - 01/17/08 11:53 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: MarkK]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Actually, I have read the book and it helped me a lot. The concept I guess was just at the right time for me to hear it. Afew years earlier I would not have listened. But truth is truth, even is presented by a liar. It just loses some credibility. It you don't mind wading through that I think there is value there.

Lets face it at that point I was desperate and I liked the title.

Roger


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#200032 - 01/18/08 12:18 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: Freedom49]
tartugas Offline
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MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
I was fascinated by her the first time I heard her, but soon saw through the schtick. She a bit of a bully with a penchant for preaching to people. I have to admit, I'm stunned to discover that the content and the tone of this book are refreshingly free of all the stupid, live by the ten commandments, fundamentalism that she breathes into her show. I think that's why I put this up, I just needed to see if I'm just drinking kool aid or if there is something positive here.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

Top
#200859 - 01/23/08 08:11 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: tartugas]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Chris,

I haven't seen the book, but from what you say it sounds interesting, though I too have little time for "Dr Laura" and her various hypocrisies.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#203764 - 02/05/08 08:46 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: roadrunner]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
I'm about to google Dr. Laura i have never heard of her but i dont think i will like her.


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#203765 - 02/05/08 08:52 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: theatrekid]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
yeah i just went to her homepage and she has a link to get a at home drug test for you kids for "when they need you most" lol kinda funny if the kid is into drugs the at home drug kit isnt going to fix the problem. I have a theory its for uber controlling manipulating parents who like to keep total control not for the responsible loving smart parent.


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#203774 - 02/05/08 09:28 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: theatrekid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Christopher,

Kind of reminds me of my own mom, bless her heart. I came home after work one summer and the whole house stunk of weed! I thought OMG Cathie (my sister) is partying too hard, but then I walked into the kitchen and there stands my Mom. I had the forethought to ask her what that weird smell was, and she said she had just heard on the TV that if you want to know if your kids have drug problems, just burn oregano on the stove.

That must be how I kicked hard drugs. My Mom burned oregano for me!!! \:D I must thank her when I see her again in March.

Much smoldering,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#203780 - 02/05/08 11:28 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: roadrunner]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
http://www.wjr.com/programming.asp

You can listen to her for free weekdays 10pm - 1am EST.

I have much respect for some of her opinions, if not most.

What I like MOST about her approach to relationships is that marriage should be taken WAY more seriously. She berates (in a nice way) people that get divorced because "they're not happy anymore" or some other frivolous reason like that.

She is the only talk show host that I know of that speaks of how vulnerable we make our children when we don't spend time with them, listen, or pay attention to them. She berates parents that think it's ok to have "split custody". (children staying at one parent's place one week, only to move to the other parent's place the following week, etc)

I've heard her on many occasions asking parents what their children, and yes, their sons, were doing at that very moment. Often times, the parents couldn't answer WHAT their children were doing or whom they were with.

Yes, she is judgmental, but she's heard a lot of poor excuses for parents and marriage partners out there. She's worth listening to a couple times just to hear a different point of view about life and relationships.

No, I'm not a regular listener, but I used to be when I was living in Detroit.


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#203798 - 02/06/08 01:44 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: Hauser]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Larry thats to funny \:\)

Hauser i think the problems with marriage that have developed over the last 25 years are a negative side effect of a very positive thing. And that is women entering the work force and being treated as equals. I think since women are no longer dependent on a man they are less likely to stay in a crappy situation.


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#203821 - 02/06/08 08:06 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: theatrekid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Chris, that does not lessen the parents' responsibility to keep their kids safe from perps. My story is a very typical example of parents that FUCKED UP and were so absorbed with their own personal and petty problems that they couldn't even tell that their 9yo son was being perped all summer by an older man living down the street, a man that paid attention to me, had time for me, and talked to me.

Are you sure that you mean "women entering the workplace" or MAYBE you might mean "no-fault divorce laws"?

With no-fault divorce, all a woman has to say is "I'm not happy anymore" and SHE can leave, WITH the kids if she wants them, AND force the man to pay child support. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? Just because she's "not happy" anymore? Now, there is little doubt that this law saves SOME women from abusive husbands, but it's also used as AN EXCUSE by short-sited/selfish/stupid women that think it's "ok" to divorce for convenience. What about the needs of children to grow up in a stable family, even if the romance is gone? I'm 38 now, and I've seen MANY MANY MANY couples my age on their 2ond marriage now, simply because they "grew apart" or "weren't happy anymore". Their cheapening the sacred vows of marriage, and single parents can't possibly keep tabs and be properly involved in the lives of their children when they're fulfilling ALL the parental obligations of work, household upkeep, getting groceries, etc.

In staying on the topic of Dr. Laura here, she reflects many of the views I had just stated. Take them as you will.


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#203982 - 02/07/08 10:09 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: Hauser]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Hauser,

I'd like to recommend Dr. Joy Browne to you (well, to everyone really). You can hear her program here:

http://www.wor710.com/pages/46353.php

You can also go to her homepage which is http://www.drjoy.com.

Personally, I happen to think that Dr. Joy has a much more balanced view of things (and she has a PhD in Psychology, as opposed to Laura, who's Doctorate is in physical therapy or some such thing). I happen to find Laura unnecessarily abrasive with many of her listeners, and I think that's she's just plain wrong on some things (most notable her anti-homosexual bias). While I agree with much of the substance of Laura's thought, I still think Dr. Joy has a much better program.

But have said that, this is part of the reason I'm so impressed by Laura's book. I found it to have a degree of compassion for the victim that I had never heard on her program before. And I really do believe she says a lot that is of great value to those of us who are struggling to move past a bad childhood and move forwards into a good life.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

Top
#203989 - 02/07/08 11:05 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: tartugas]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Thank you for reminding me of her. I used to listen to her on a local station before it sold to different owners and changed lineups.

Joy Browne was for more tolerant in many areas as I recall. For instance, viewing porn and it's impact on a relationship. She doesn't automatically assume that it's "bad" for someone to view it, as long as the persons' partner has no objections or doesn't feel degraded or insecure because of it. She is a good talk show host.


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#204014 - 02/07/08 04:03 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: Hauser]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
I listen to her every day (I keep a whole bunch of her shows on my ipod). One, I love the sound of the spoken word and I find her voice calming. Two, her insight and wisdom has actually been a tremendous help to me these past two years. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm learning from her life lessons I never learned growing up.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

Top
#204043 - 02/07/08 07:32 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: tartugas]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Alan, It isn't healthy or good for a child to grow up in a family were the parents aren't happy togeather.

When i said i believe women entering the work force and being treated as equals is the cause of divorces its what i meant. I wasn't some how mistaken. Furthermore for you to say that the government should enforce people to stay married seems like a 180 degree change in opinion in what i have heard you say about government up to this point.

You say marriage vows are whats sacred i say vows arent sacred but peoples happiness and safety are what is sacred so if some one decides to get a divorce they have that right.

However i do agree with you that a child growing up in a single parent home is very sad it can cause a ton of blame and guilt for the child to carry around. but just because parents split up dosnt mean they are bad parents. so long as the parents are able to keep positive communication open between each other there is no reason why the child can't grow up being happy.
Christopher


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#204058 - 02/07/08 09:25 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: theatrekid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Chris, I conveniently picked apart your words in order to further a point that Dr. Laura often brings up and that I have in common with. What I should have done was simply make a new post.


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#205217 - 02/14/08 08:08 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: Hauser]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Funny thing about Dr. Laura. Whenever I listen to her I'm alternately so pissed at her I could spit nails and in awe of some very insightful statement she has made.

All things considered, I don't have a very positive opinion of her due to the time I heard her bully and put down a woman who called in and wanted to talk about how she had been sexually abused by her brother who was 3 years older.

The good doc got angry with her and demanded that she apologize to the brother and to any other of her family she had told about the incident because mental health professionals don't consider it to be sexual abuse unless there is at least a 4 year difference in the age of the participants.

I think most of us who've been around this site very long have learned a very different story when it comes to this issue. All it takes is for there to be a "power differential" between the individuals for it to be classifiable as sexual abuse. The aggressor or abuser can at times even be the younger of the two if the power differential is in his/her favor.

At any rate, that incident with Dr. Laura drove the last nail in the coffin as far as I was concerned.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#205218 - 02/14/08 08:12 PM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: WalkingSouth]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I think I heard that one too John. I was just amazed that she could say something like that. I guess we all have our moments of outrageous stupidity. I know I have.


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#205259 - 02/15/08 01:21 AM Re: Bad Childhood -- Good Life, Dr. Laura [Re: Freedom49]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Quote:
I guess we all have our moments of outrageous stupidity.


Yeah, I hear you there.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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