humiliation. whether i'm being humiliated, hearing about someone being humiliated, reading about someone being humiliated or watching someone being humiliated. humiliation is a MAJOR trigger for me. brings up insecurities and RAGE.

enough so that fear of it is keeping me from reaching out to the friends i want and need the most.

so no matter how much i share - what i tell people - it's never the whole story.

because they might humiliate me with it? no.

because opening myself up to anyone is the most humiliating thing i can think of.

this is a major new insight - i'm literally shaking as i type this. i am so embarrassed of who i am that anyone getting to know me is humiliating to me.

crap - how wierd is THAT?

Post deleted by Freedom49

weird but normal. that's one way to play both sides of the coin....

m

Wow Mark,

Can I ever relate to your plight. Humiliation... huge for me! Especially anything that I perceive to be a public humiliation. Oh my Gosh. Huge for me.

You definitely do not have to feel alone with this one. I guess that we can cringe together.

God bless,
John, The Music Man.

IF I even THINK someone in a movie Im watching will be demeaned cruelly, I literally have to turn away. I cannot intellectually convince myself that it is a movie. Or a story. It hurts ME. and triggers me.

It's very palatable. And many, many feel the same way. not just SA

Pat

Ever watch the opening rounds of american/canadian Idol, it is painful beyond belief, I just can't watch.

I told you about my avatar picture Mark, what I didn't say was my feelings at that time, it was pure humiliation.

Stay strong
Mike

it hurts
so bad

i hate recovery

One word comes to mind in light of this. Sensitization.

I have similar problems with humiliation, and I think because of our fear of being found out during our childhoods, we have become extremely sensitive to feelings of humiliation. Unfortunately, since the abuse is kept secret it becomes a chronic problem in adulthood. In fact, we become so sensitive, that it tends to cause us to become enraged.

I believe that it is not something we can readily control. Our brains have had to cope continuously with unhealthy amounts of stress for a ridiculously long amount of time. Subsequently, a little bit of stress tends to escalate into a much bigger, more unpleasant stressful feeling very quickly. I believe that it is mostly biochemical, and not psychological. I have read that it involves the release of disproportionate amounts of adrenaline and cortisol, and I believe that which helps me to realize that I'm not doing it to myself. Does this make any sense?

I have found that many emotions can cause me to become enraged if they are strong enough. Just yesterday, I experienced this at work when I was trying to remove a very hot substance from a vessel. The way my manager wanted me to do it was not practival at all. It was so hot that I was experiencing pain, and the hot chemical was dripping all over on my gloves, my pants, and my shoes. The frustration quickly turned to rage which lasted for several hours.

Just some of my thougts, hope it makes sense.

Sorry Mark, I made a mistake with my post, I was trying to show you I relate and I ended up making you think about it. Very sorry.

Mike

Humiliation! Yeah! That's a HUGE one for me. Thank you for identifying it. The trouble is it IS real....its not just a perception....it IS real! I got hit with this as a kid, a teen and an adult. Nothing in my history can be or is as bad as fucking humiliation

I was going to say that "its one of the most devasting aspects to my life." I think not...I think it is THE most devastating aspect to my life.

I get to experience devastating humiliation periodically in my sales career. Some managers will use it to try and motivate you. It does nothing more that put me in such a deep-dark place that I just want to die.

In school, if I was humiliated, it would easily result in me missing two solid weeks of school "do to illness."

It truly is the nuclear weapon on my mental health. Humiliation could genuinely cost me my life.

I know people who can actually "laugh at themselves" in these situations...or just "laugh it off." I've never understood that and apparently never will.

People accuse me of "taking life or things too seriously." Well, if I didn't behave accordingly in childhood, bad things would happen.

Yeah....HUMILIATION... Mark, you sure identified something huge.

Wow. I never realized how many of us would be suffering from the pain of humliation. Once again, I find I'm not alone.

Mike - please don't apologize - you didn't make me think about it, I was already there. If my post after yours led you to that understanding, I should apologize to you. You have not hurt me in any way - and I thank you for your courage in posting, and sharing the avatar that speaks so well to the subject of humiliation.

Robbie - I can so understand. I hope that in identifying this, it can help you heal. Sure is what I'm hoping - is that my T and I can address this and at least soften the impact or something.

Again ... wow. I thought this was just huge for me. Now that I've read all the responses so far ... it IS huge. For MANY of us.

M

Mark,

I just started with a new T. I've told him about this site, so he may be reading this as well. But I plan to raise this issue as an A-level pain source to be worked on.

I at least want to know and identify if I (as a survivor) have an amplified reaction to humiliation. I suspect YES...So then I'll need some help with reducing the reactions.

I told my T during todays session. We're adding it to the list of goals for my recovery. Seems it's more an issue to me than even I first thought.

he also gave me the official "diagnosis" after 8 weeks. PTSD

I hope your work with the new T is productive. And I hope you get a handle on your reactions to humiliation.