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#1997 - 08/22/02 11:44 PM We have lift off
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Think liftoff has taken place.... let me explain!

A couple of weeks ago I was about ready to say fuck life, and the hell with everything. In fact, I came pretty damn close to it. I couldn't go any further and then the migraine headache just about did me in beyond return....

Ok.... so a lot has been going on with me since then... and a little too rapid at times...

Since my mom's death in January, my life hasn't been the same. It has totally changed my outlook on life and made me see things that I didn't really think I would ever see. I have been opened/awakened to things that I didn't think I would ever take a look at. That one event is a major piviotal point in my life.

Ok,,, so on we go now

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out where my place is in life. Lately, I have felt like I am drifting along aimlessly with no specific end point in mind. I really hate that. It may be fine for some time, but it is getting rather old now. So I have been trying to ask myself some hard questions. It is amazing the answers I get as well (and people around me have to wonder at times when I talk to myself). Plus the job situation where people seem to go more than they come here, doesn't leave one feeling too secure about a future. And there is the economy thingy going on as well and the down turn in the computer jobs.... just not a whole lot to go celebrate about right now. Computer jobs are very hard to get and if you get one the pay is about half of what it was a year or two ago... that's a hard thing to swallow... worked hard, was making good money, and now all I can get is half of that...

But there are also parts of me that just hate a 8-5 job.. where I have to do a bunch of political, unfulfilling tasks in a day. I find absolutely no fun in it. Even doing computer support, it is like... oh wow, I get to answer some repetative questions... oh don't I feel like I'm doing something important in life... can you tell? Its just not fulfilling and challenging to me....

So then I dream,,,, and while I was dreaming I thought of some things that would be very kewl and awesome... like counseling, physical therapy or massage therapy (yes, me,,, even massage therapy). But I just allowed myself to dream and go where I didn't put any limits on anything for myself.. and that is what came out. Actually if I could just write (when I want and what I want to write), I would do that and only that.... kind of hard to pay the bills though unless you are a John Grisham or Tom Clancy sort of person.

So these three ideas sort of knocked me on my ass a little... I was like.... wow me... do any of these things... and of course me answered myself and said , hell yeah!

Than I had to bring the practical side back into things somewhat and the counseling would be great but with the debt I have, it would be very difficult to go after my master's degree.. just don't think I have enough energy to struggle through that one right now. Plus, emotionally and mentally, I am not sure if I am at that point yet in my life.. getting there, but just not yet.

So then I looked at physical therapy... again, might be a lot more schooling than I want to go through right now but it would be rewarding partly because a physical therapist helped me come back out of my paralysis.... so that one isn't high on the short list either.

Then I looked at massage therapy and I was like, you gotta be kidding,,, right? But no, I was serious! Then I remembered back to how my father used me to give him massages only to start the cycle of abuse... and he would often tell me I would be good at massage.... and so I started to shove this idea way down beyond the short list to the no idea list.... but it wouldn't stay down there. The other night I ran so hard away from it, that I went to an open house at a local massage therapy school....

When I got there, I immediately felt at home and felt accepted and positive... it is a place that focuses on "hollistic" type approach and not just giving a massage but connecting with the person.. Ok, some friends do call me space cowboy because well for lack of a better phrase, I tend to see things differently in life... or see different things in life than a lot of people... I sense stuff, pick stuff up, see things, hear things and feel things that aren't spoken... So maybe there is a part of me that is just dying to get out and I am suppressing it...

Anyway, I am giving some serious thought to all of this and haven't made the decision yet, but not to far off from the decision. If I do it, I would take the night route which would allow me to continue to work (as long as the job holds out). Of course I will probably have to deal with some issues as I go through it. They did say that you will be a different person after you complete this schooling... which I think I kind of like but it scares the hell out of me as well. It might just be the exact thing that I need for my life right now...

If you would have told me 5 (even 2 years ago) that I would be thinking about this, I would have laughed so hard! And it shocks me a lot, freaks me out some that I am even thinking about going down this road...

At the end of the day, I want to have done something that uses my creativity, challenges my brain and makes me feel like I have accomplished something by helping someone...

So hang on,,, not sure where this express way is headed,,, but right now, someone shoved me into the fast lane!

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#1998 - 08/23/02 12:56 PM Re: We have lift off
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Go for it Don,, you deserve to be living in a world that feeds you on all levels, i hope a blend of all the good things come together for you.

Hugs dude,

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#1999 - 08/23/02 07:02 PM Re: We have lift off
Happy Birthday Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Don
we only get ONE go at it.....

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#2000 - 08/23/02 11:53 PM Re: We have lift off
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Thanks John and Lloydy. There is more in life that I want than just the regular normal job... and true, we only have one shot at this life... I figure if I get into it and I go, oh, this isn't what I want,,, well I can all chart a new course...

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#2001 - 08/24/02 12:07 AM Re: We have lift off
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
What do you mean we only get one?????

You mean this is it????

Dang,, are you sure????????

;\)

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#2002 - 08/24/02 12:15 PM Re: We have lift off
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
guys, I agree with SoCalJohn. If we only get one, then a lot of use would be already gone. Lets face it, we were young once, tried to live life as we were taught, and hoped for a good deal. But then we were fucked, both litteraly and figureativly, and here we are TRYING to make it AGAIN. I myself have tried to end it all several times, and always think about it, but everybody tells me, and everything I hear tells me to HANG IN THERE. I was told several years ago by somebody nowdead, r.i.p., that today is a new day, and who knows, if I stick around, maybe something good will come from THAT DAY. I sure as hell need it, so lets ALL HOPE. Bosishere \:\)


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#2003 - 08/24/02 03:01 PM Re: We have lift off
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Actually I probably didn't state it right what I meant... I look at life as I have this current life and I need to use it, make as most out of it as I can.. because I don't know what else I will get on down the road. I'm not really sure if I dwell on the way ahead far in the future stuff because I am finally learning how to make more out of each minute that I do have. Yes at one time my life pretty much stopped (the paralysis thing) so for me, I try (fail a lot of times) to take advantage of each moment, that I have currently... at one time, I had my life all planned out ... the 1-2 yr, 5 yr, 10 yr... etc... geeesssss,,, and I blew those plans, plus they added way too much stress... and at the same time, I think if I look hard enough through a telescope, I can see where I am headed...

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#2004 - 08/25/02 12:16 AM Re: We have lift off
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
top 40 lyrics..."it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got" words i'm trying to live by...go for it Mr. Don

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#2005 - 08/25/02 07:46 AM Re: We have lift off
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Don Man go after that dream it will change your life. I have had the oppertunity to go back to school an few times in my life and it has been nolthing but good.
I had my schooling paid for under the Dislocatted Workers Programs.DWP is a program who,s funds come out of the unemployment funds that the employer pays Goverment. It is great to get started now at night and then if things with your full time job ends you can have DWP pay your expense for full time schooling.
Message Therapy will give you the freedom of your own time to work but there is that one big draw back.
How do you stop from thinking about your dad ? I know that you will be able to over come this but it may take lot of extra hard work in the begining .
Don you have that special gift, The Golden Hands that can bring healing to other use them. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#2006 - 08/25/02 01:38 PM Re: We have lift off
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I am definately sure there will be some tough issues for me to face. My therapist and I talked about them a little the other night. Of course I told her I have been scared of a lot of things in the past, but the fear didn't necessarily stop me from doing something about it... just scared the daylights out of me.

Probably one thing I would learn from it is to believe more in myself and trust myself much more than I do....

Thanks everyone... your responses are very helpful...

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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