Newest Members
MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two, VASurvivor
12331 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cricket453 (60)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 17 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12331 Members
74 Forums
63409 Topics
443328 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#199641 - 01/15/08 09:46 PM Questions.. (::: Trigger Warning :::)
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
Are some stories reported to authorites? I might share my story, not sure yet, all I am going to say right now is that I was sa by three males, one incest... I don't feel right, it disgusses me, is everyone here sa by males? I know this is going to sound weird, but if I had a choice, I would of chosen my abuser or abusers to be female rather than male because I was forced to do perform very disgusting sexual acts by my abusers that would be impossible with a female abuser. Does anyone else feel this way?

(edited by alexey to add the Trigger Warning, for the mod team)



Edited by ModTeam (01/16/08 02:28 PM)

Top
#199651 - 01/15/08 10:56 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
None i think what you are saying may be a case of the grass is always greener. Abuse is abuse is abuse it dosnt matter who perpetrated it man or woman the result would be the same. we would still feel disgusted, violated, and empty inside.

thats my oppinion anyways hope it made sense to you.

Christopher.


Top
#199656 - 01/15/08 11:21 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: theatrekid]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey none, not all of us were sa'd by males, to be honest I don't think there's really much difference in the after-affects. I too have pretty much all the same feelings you are having. I don't think it's productive to compare abuse at all.

I understand what you're saying but really hell is hell no matter what way you look at it.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#199660 - 01/15/08 11:38 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mogigo]
terpprm Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Elyria, Ohio
hey buddy. nothing is reported to officials. no worries. i'm sorry you have to even be on this site. but it's something we all have in common and you won't be judged. we are all here to help each other. you can contact me anytime. i'll help you with whatever you need.

_________________________
My Story

Top
#199675 - 01/16/08 12:51 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: terpprm]
NoOneImportant Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 36
I was sa by both. Each on different occasions, and as far as I know, neither have knowledge of the other. Both hurt. Honestly, when the memory surfaced about the incident with the older female, I barely made it home from work. I crushed me far more than the other. I recently read the findings of some studies that were done in the UK, and the report said the findings suggested that males who were sa by females seemed to have deeper emotional and psychological damage as compared to abuse by males. The report offered no reason for the findings and even said the researchers were surprised at the findings.


Top
#199679 - 01/16/08 01:15 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: NoOneImportant]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
I was sa by both. Each on different occasions, and as far as I know, neither have knowledge of the other. Both hurt. Honestly, when the memory surfaced about the incident with the older female, I barely made it home from work. I crushed me far more than the other. I recently read the findings of some studies that were done in the UK, and the report said the findings suggested that males who were sa by females seemed to have deeper emotional and psychological damage as compared to abuse by males. The report offered no reason for the findings and even said the researchers were surprised at the findings.

-From what I have heard and read online, it's the other way around... It's more damaging for boys when they are sexually abused by a man than by a woman. This is what I also read in a psychology textbook for a psychology course in college. The professor put this it as a question for one of the tests also.


Top
#199680 - 01/16/08 01:22 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
There is people here who have been abused by both. One friend of mine who was abused by both, he say the abuse by female is more difficult at him to deal of. Perhaps it is something of 'letting' a woman abuse you, it is more 'enmasculting' or some such thing. But whether there is studies or reports or such, every one is individual, and some will be more effect by one then the other. Others will be effect equal to both. Both is bad and should not happen. I do not know that I could think 'I would prefer it been a female' or 'I would prefer it been a family member' or any such thing. What happen to each of us was the worst thing to happen to each of us.

Andrei


Top
#199743 - 01/16/08 11:24 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: ak]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
I would of rather it be a female as my abuser than having to suck a man's dick and be raped by him.........


Top
#199745 - 01/16/08 11:41 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Well, I was abused by both female and male abusers. I do not know that there is one better then the other. It is easy for someone to say that 'oh, that would have been better'. There is not such thing as better when being sexually abused as a child. Physicaly, for me, the man who abused me was much more violent, crazy and painful. But emotionally, I think the abuse by my mother has done more damage to me in how I think of myself and how I am in my life today. But again, there is nothing 'better' to be abused by a woman instead of a man, and really, I find it very offensive that you would say so.

VN


Top
#199752 - 01/16/08 11:52 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: VN]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
But again, there is nothing 'better' to be abused by a woman instead of a man, and really, I find it very offensive that you would say so.

- I never used the word "better." I said if it were up to me, to choose from being abused by a male or female, I would of chosen a female because of the sexual acts I was forced to perform by males that ARE IMPOSSIBLE with a female. Of course, I wish I wasn't sa AT ALL. There were so many physically painful, humiliating sexual acts that were done to me by my male abusers that cannot be done by females... Every single time I think about it, I just want to fucking explode.



Edited by none (01/16/08 11:56 AM)

Top
#199780 - 01/16/08 02:12 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
none,

I think many guys here would get triggered by your mere question, as they try to find the truth about the harm the abuse made to them. This truth can only come from the deep of their, and my, psych, soul, or heart, whatever you call it. The logical meaning of thi truth is that whatever form the child sexual abuse took, it was very hurtful and horribly devastating to the development of a child into an adolescent and adult. The following depression, pain, guilt, and distrust have hunted male survivors for years.

I would simply point it out that while your question is understandably brought by your pain and sadness of being in a situation of having been sexually abused, the things you question are triggering. Please make this clear in the future.

And take care. I am sure you not alone in this prolonging survival. Many men here suffered from all kinds of persons, who all were plainly ABUSERS and pedophiles.

Alexey



Edited by ModTeam (01/16/08 02:30 PM)
_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#199789 - 01/16/08 02:36 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: alexey]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
none,

As others have said, each of us has our own pain and issues and many of us have been hurt in many ways. I'm sure I could never begin to put ranks on things or quantify the harm I have felt. As you think about these problems further here I am sure you will come to see what we mean.

Many guys who were abused by women, for example, feel that this has interfered with their ability to relate to women now or even to have sex. Others have the same feelings, but were abused by men. Others have other issues and are not so badly affected in their relationships or ability to be sexual with others. It all comes down to the fact that though there may be similarities in our cases, we are all different and have been affected by abuse in different ways.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#199791 - 01/16/08 02:40 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Who would you have rather been beat up in the school yard by None, a guy or a girl? Which one would make you feel worse?

This is a useless conversation

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#199805 - 01/16/08 03:48 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mogigo]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
How can you even compare a children's school yard fight to being forced to perform sex acts on men? That doesn't even make sense. Now you turned it to useless conversation.



Edited by none (01/16/08 03:53 PM)

Top
#199860 - 01/16/08 11:07 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
none,

Leti it out! type away! i am reading and hearing what you are saying (iam going through the same feelings) I too was abused by a man when i was a boy! I sometimes wish it would have been a Women. Allthough if it was a women I think the damage would have been the same. MVN4WRD

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

Top
#199865 - 01/16/08 11:35 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mvnforwrd]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
You know guys, I wasn't trying to be mean but I fail to see where this conversation is going other than to make me feel like my RAPE!! was somehow easier than another's. How does this line of questions help None. Will his healing move forward, will he feel supported if he feels justified in deluding himself that some fantasy rape that never happened is an ideal to what he went through. His only accomplishment in this conversation is me feeling like his ignorance really is widespread about MY abuse.

We're in this together aren't we, or does that only happen until someone can find some kind of relief in a fictional scenario at the expense of my feeling like I belong.

Remember how you felt the first time someone made you feel like no one understands what your going through None, that's exactly how you're making me feel now, something I haven't felt for a long long time BECAUSE of this site. But I guess that doesn't matter does it None, as long as YOU can find some relief in your ignorance. So go ahead None, don't worry about me, you just wallow in your fictional scenario. YOU have no idea how I feel. What a crappy thing that I can say that on this site.

Mike





Edited by mogigo (01/16/08 11:41 PM)
_________________________
Thriving

Top
#199867 - 01/16/08 11:38 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mvnforwrd]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
for me a big part of it being a man is i was raised where people believed that homosexuality was sick and disgusting ,and any body forced or not was considerd damaged for life ,a boy that was raped by a man could never really be called straight because he had sex with a man ,he could never really be a MAN ever, so the boy was even more alone, didn't belong with his own kind . but i'm sure having a female perp has it's own baggage just the same,one thing being told shit she did you a favor!i have heard that one lots of times.


Top
#199868 - 01/16/08 11:49 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: evanesence]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Mogigo,

You are not alone in your feelings. That is all I will further say in this thread because I believe anything I would say would not be welcome.

Andrei


Top
#199869 - 01/16/08 11:49 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: evanesence]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
For me a big part of being a man is I was raised where people believed that men were dominant and anybody dominated by a woman was not a man at all, at least if I was raped by a man I did have a place, I could at "LEAST" (just saying this to make a point) be gay. Being raped by a woman I have no place at all, I'm not a man, I'm not gay, I'm a throw away. No place for me Evan.

Evan, I feel your compassion completely, I feel your understanding too, and I love you for it. I'm just trying to make a point.

I'm feeling really shitty, and crappy, and so alone right now that I'm trying to defend myself in this way on this site.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#199870 - 01/16/08 11:55 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks AK, love ya bro, thank you

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#199885 - 01/17/08 12:49 AM Re: Questions.. [Re: mogigo]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
nahh i think most people are on your side ,i look at it ths way if you get hit by a speeding car does it matter if it's a ford or a chevy? no you still get run over just the same.


Top
#199954 - 01/17/08 02:56 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: evanesence]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Quote:
I was abused by both.

abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse

The only thing better than abuse is 'not abuse'.


I also was abused by both - all I can say is AMEN to what awakening said - he has it exactly right!!! - it all hurts - comparing it does no one any good

I do understand the feelings of wishing that things had been diffrent - but sadly they wer'nt

none of us deserved to be abused - but sadly we were

it is the abusers that did wrong - not us

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#199961 - 01/17/08 03:35 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mogigo]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Mogigo,
we feel your pain, we share your pain...
... we also share your healing journey.

g


Top
#199962 - 01/17/08 03:36 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: TJ jeff]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
i dont care what anyone says, I still would of chosen my abuser to be f rather than m, that's just how it is and nothing is going to change that...


Top
#199968 - 01/17/08 03:50 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: none]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Originally Posted By: none
i dont care what anyone says, I still would of chosen my abuser to be f rather than m, that's just how it is and nothing is going to change that...


That is quite fine, and I do not think anyone here is trying to change you. I would have chose a lot things different in my abuse if I could have 'choice' of it. But what you do not seem to see is that in how you are presenting this, you are rather being 'dismissive' of a group of men here who are in as much pain and difficulty in healing as you yourself is. It is just my opinion, and I am not known here to be rude or thoughtless, but it seem like your first phrase rather speak for everything about you we have seen here. You do not seem to care what anyone else think, period. I am sorry that you have been abused, and you are in pain here. But to come here and post things, then continue the threads only to be argumentative with everyone else who replies, does not seem like very healthy or helpful way of healing.

Yes, I know I am being 'assuming' and rude, but it is how I have felt this person's posts to be. And it is sad thing that I do not think I am speaking only for myself in that there is people here feeling disrespected by you, and that is just not acceptable at this site. New people are granted some space for perhaps being in more immediate pain and not knowing fully how this site works. But disrespect for other members here, and continuing arguing over that fact in spite that several members have voiced that, puts in 'red flags' to me.

I wish to you good luck, none, but I think this will be my last time in responding to you.

Andrei


Top
#199991 - 01/17/08 06:39 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: ak]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
I know this is going to sound weird, but if I had a choice, I would of chosen my abuser or abusers to be female rather than male because I was forced to do perform very disgusting sexual acts by my abusers that would be impossible with a female abuser. Does anyone else feel this way?


I was looking for someone who felt the same way I do........

Guess there is no one. Someone lock my post.

Thanks


Top
#199994 - 01/17/08 07:13 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: TJ jeff]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11053
Loc: Denver, CO
Quote:
I was abused by both.

abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse

The only thing better than abuse is 'not abuse'.


Same here.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#199997 - 01/17/08 07:36 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: FormerTexan]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Same here, abused by both.



Edited by GateKPR4 (01/17/08 07:37 PM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

Top
#200007 - 01/17/08 09:08 PM Re: Questions.. [Re: mogigo]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
Mike I hear you!!!!!!!!!!!...dont defend yourself, just be yourself! ill keep reading... If anything i am learning a great deal about what other survivors feel and how everyone is alike in there pain but different in there views... so Feel shity feel crapy and feel alone but dont defend yourself you have nothing to prove to anyone...

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.