Hi James...I know what you're talking about. I remember the feeling well. I remember the feeling of sinking. The feeling of hopelessness.
I also remember the day I first met you at the chatspace. I've seen how far you've come since that day, and all the changes that you've made. I could talk for hours about how far you've come in becoming the person you want to be.
The trouble is, when we get feeling like this, its hard to see the progress we've made. Its especially hard to see this as progress. But it is.
The Dean made a good suggestion about going for walks, to keep moving. It helps you feel like your not trapped. Heaven forbid, its good exercise too and I know strongly you feel about that
. But the kind of job you have can easily make you feel trapped.
So refresh your memory as to why you are doing this. Keep sight of your goals. And as hard as it is...you CAN do this. We are here with you through it all. You will never be a burden. :p
Remember please...you've got friends who love you.