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#199392 - 01/14/08 06:20 AM Hello
healthyself Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/13/08
Posts: 6
Loc: edmonton, alberta, canada
Hello this is what happened to me.

I am 23 years old, about 18 years ago my half-brother(who shall be named D) lived with us in our home in the country. D and I would play together all the time. We would always wrestle as brothers would often do. D, at this time, would be in his teens and was always rougher with me, he has had a history of anger and control issues (I remember the screaming matches between mom and him). So playing with him was always like playing with a powder keg.

I remember that we would always wrestle in my room, and usually when mom and dad were gone. That is when he was rougher with me. Then one day, he made me do some things. Things I have repressed, and are now coming back to haunt me. I did those things for him because I loved him and thought this was another game. It happened another two or three times, then it never happened again. I remember feeling very weird about it at the time. I have never said a thing, because he was Big Brother, nobody would believe me, and eventually I forgot about it.

I developed weird habits later on, spacing out whenever I was stressed. Living in fantasy worlds where there was only conflict and no resolution, and holding great resentment towards my younger brother. I have thought nothing much about this until a year ago. I had got into some trouble with my girlfriend over something, and she asked my why I did the things that I do. It popped out, suddenly and with no thought. I was sexually abused. It felt good to get that out, so good in fact I thought I was ok.

But now the memories have come back stronger and clearer, and my behaviour has regressed rather than progressed, so much so that even my relationship with my girlfriend is probably over. That is when I deceided to reach out and to tell my story that I have told no one.

I thank you guys for being here.

_________________________
cake and grief counselling will be available at the end of the testing process...

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#199428 - 01/14/08 11:31 AM Re: Hello [Re: healthyself]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Welcome healthyself. I hope your name is prophetic. Getting these memories out a dealing with them is good. Bringing them into the light takes a lot of the sting and power from them. It can be painful though and awaken a lot of emotions. You will want to go back to the comfort zones you think have served you well in the past but try to stay in the here and now and let the feelings come. Look at them. Hold them up in the light and see they are the feelings of a child. Now your an adult. That was not your fault and you have power now. Lots of guys here understand what your going through. Write about it talk about in the chat room. It does help.

Roger


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