Newest Members
mojo, James M, FredM88, Vermona, Jas52
12111 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
-Matt- (39), kevin1963 (51), Northwoods (61), rcb0973 (58), sportinrucks (29)
Who's Online
4 registered (JayBro, 3 invisible), 61 Guests and 7 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12111 Members
73 Forums
62493 Topics
438014 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#198921 - 01/10/08 01:29 PM I've been away for the Holiday's
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Dear Friends;

It's been a long time since I've been here. My boyfriend decided to put this issue on hold til after the holidays and I can't say I blame him one bit. He told me that after the holidays he'd begin again. I'm not sure what he has thought about in regards to his healing, but I wanted to just ask a question or two regarding his therapy. I am planning on giving him until January 31 for him to make the effort on his own to call his T. Until then I have and continue to say nothing.

But, "what if" come January 31 he hasn't made a move? Is this the right thing for our relationship, has he gained all he needs from his T in 4 months of sessions to be okay, healed to a functional capacity. I'm asking only for myself, he's done nothing wrong and continues to treat me with respect in earning my trust again. I know no one gets the diploma saying "you've graduated from your CSA" now go out into the real world and start your life.

Any thoughts for me would be great. Happy New Year to you all!

always,
Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

Top
#198931 - 01/10/08 03:41 PM Re: I've been away for the Holiday's [Re: Agape Girl]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
I just wanted to welcome you back Kelly!

Good to see you posting again...

Best wishes,

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

Top
#199016 - 01/11/08 09:56 AM Re: I've been away for the Holiday's [Re: sweet-n-sour]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Kelly and welcome back. It's nice to take a break every now and then, right?

As for your timeline for your b/f to resume therapy, I don't know that you should really have one if things are progressing or at least stable. When he's ready to go back, he will. I remember a post from David (MemoryVault) a while back in which he talks about times when he wasn't in therapy and not doing much of anything proactive to promote his healing. He thought about this past time and realized that while he may not have been "doing" anything, he was still healing. He was working on himself in his real life by holding his job, taking care of himself, taking care of his place, learning how to deal with people, etc., etc., all very, very important stuff. He was working on his healing, just not in a way that most people would notice. I can't remember the name of the post, but maybe someone else will.

I doubt very seriously that 4 months of therapy have cured all the ills that csa causes, but your b/f may have gotten all that he needs out of that 4 months to last him for a little while. He may be digesting things he learned, adjusting to it and putting a few things into practice to see if they work.

My point is, if your b/f is feeling good and treating himself and you well, but just isn't ready to go back to therapy, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Can you talk to him about it and simply ask what he thinks he'd like to do?

ROCK ON...........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

Top
#199019 - 01/11/08 11:04 AM Re: I've been away for the Holiday's [Re: Trish4850]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi again Kelly,

I found the thread I was speaking about above. The whole thing is worth reading. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post192648

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

Top
#199169 - 01/12/08 10:53 AM Re: I've been away for the Holiday's [Re: Trish4850]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Trish;

I agree whole heartedly about your post, I guess I just needed to hear from someone who's been around longer than I and maybe had been through this. Believe me and I know you know this, it's wonderful when things are progressing and even for me their isn't anxiety in doing our normal routine. For a while it wore on me a lot. I thought about that the other day, "Wow! I can remember when we were trying to be intimate how I felt horrible and scared that I might be hurting him, that I didn't know what to do, and right now, it's okay". So!

I'll definately read the post and yes we can talk to one another about this. I suppose that's actually what I was asking about in regards to the end of the month. Thanks so much.

be well and mindful in 08
always
Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.