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#199139 - 01/12/08 01:38 AM Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers)
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I've been wondering about people who actually abuse kids. What makes them actually cross the line from fantasy to reality? I think everybody knows right from wrong, even psyciopaths. I think abusers know what they are doing is wrong, because if they truly didn't know, they wouldn't need to be so secretive of themselves and their victims.

I just keep thinking, that even though I have thoughts, I could never cross that line. Some of you might say that I'm only 17 and I don't know how I'll be in 20 to 30 years, but I disagree. I get it. I know it's wrong that my feelings and thoughts and attractions are not natural, and are only with me because of what happend to me. I'm lucky, because I have resources and I realize this demon I have inside of me and I choose to work it out.

But I'd be remiss to say that what about the abusers who were themselves abused and didn't have anywhere to go when they were dealing with the emotions of victimization, and the thoughts of "cycling" the abuse? Are they forgivable, because they didn't have the resources to deal with their own inner demons?

I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I saw a guy on CNN or some news network, that is a "Self-proclaimed pedophile," and he was being open and honest about how he's attracted to little girls, but he's never abused any. My first impression was, "this guy is insane!" Is he nuts to go on tv and announce to the world that he's taking pictures of girls in playgrounds and schoolyards? He said he was abused as a child also. So I'm thinking, maybe he's mentally ill. Maybe all abusers and pedophiles are mentally ill? How else do you explain it?

My grandpa says it's a power trip for this guy. He said that his feelings involve power and control of children, and by announcing to the world that he is a pedophile, only assures that he will be talked about and written about and shown on tv... and that is powerful. But I still think he's insane!


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#199140 - 01/12/08 02:04 AM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: JasonSmalls]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Joey, (jasonsmalls)

All I can say .... If anyone knew the answer to this question, then maybe the courts and police could put a stop to the horrible crimes these perverts commit.

Wish I knew also.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#199141 - 01/12/08 02:06 AM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: JasonSmalls]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
sorry.. repost



Edited by Scoutvictim (01/12/08 02:07 AM)
_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#199142 - 01/12/08 02:06 AM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: JasonSmalls]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
sorry...repost

I hit the post button a few times... Oooops!



Edited by Scoutvictim (01/12/08 02:08 AM)
_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#199159 - 01/12/08 09:31 AM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: Scoutvictim]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Joey,

I think what's important in all this - for you - is your own situation. You have taken some scary and courageous steps to keep yourself safe and face your problems, and you should be very proud of yourself. You have a clear sense of right and wrong and you seem to be committed to dealing with things. Good for you.

We get the topic of forgiveness a lot here on the Discussion Board. Personally speaking, I don't think I will ever forgive those who abused me, but that's just me. Others see things differently and that's fine.

I think the important consideration is that forgiveness is a deeply personal issue; the decision even to consider it has to come from the survivor himself. No responsible therapist would urge a client to forgive the perpetrator and others should not do so either. We all have to look at that ourselves and decide what works for us.

All I can say for sure is that if a child abuser is ever forgiven by his victim he should look at this act as a gift beyond price.

Much love,
Larry

PS: Have you checked your PMs recently? \:\)


_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#199201 - 01/12/08 02:16 PM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: roadrunner]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
That man may be in his mind, but he is just a bad man, and he is provoking voices around him, and it is hard to know how he appeared on TV. Maybe he wanted for all of his life to tell others that he is a pedophile, but how knows. That is sick.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#199202 - 01/12/08 02:16 PM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: JasonSmalls]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Originally Posted By: JasonSmalls
I've been wondering about people who actually abuse kids. What makes them actually cross the line from fantasy to reality? I think everybody knows right from wrong, even psyciopaths.


First off I'd like to say how brave you are for being open about your issues around kids, especially on this forum. I think it's brave of you and I thank you for your honesty. \:\)

As for what makes them cross the line? Read below.

Originally Posted By: JasonSmalls
Some of you might say that I'm only 17 and I don't know how I'll be in 20 to 30 years, but I disagree. I get it. I know it's wrong that my feelings and thoughts and attractions are not natural, and are only with me because of what happend to me. I'm lucky, because I have resources and I realize this demon I have inside of me and I choose to work it out.


I'm so very glad you're getting help and are honest and open about this at such a young age. That's a real benefit and you have a good foot in the door to not repeat what you've gone through as a child. I hate to minimize your intelligence (as you are very intelligent) by saying this, but you are, in fact, 17, and it does have a hand in this, I believe -- but in a GOOD way. \:\) It means that you won't be nearly 27 and only now coming together and getting help with it after a decade of self-loathing (and *I'm* STILL young compared to most I know).

In my experience, when I was 17 I hadn't even figured stuff out yet. I only just started noticing I was feeling that way, but no way had I put "what I am" sticker on it yet. I still thought I was gay. I was in deep denial really, or perhaps it was just so out-there that I couldn't put two and two together. Somehow I couldn't figure out it wasn't "gay" when they were kids. I thought people with kid issues were those dirty old men in vans, certainly not me.

I think for a lot of men and women who have attractions to children, they are only just noticing at 17, if not later -- let alone coming out with it. That's why when I read your post and it made me so happy that YOU ARE 17 and already have such a good handle on it. \:\) In my experience, when I did figure stuff out, I felt so much shame and anxiety about what I was. It was a dirty secret, and I think for a lot of men and women with kid issues, when you don't have any help or support for this, you can only "control" it -- or stuff it deep inside you -- for so long until you really only have three choices: commit suicide, offend, or SOMEHOW find help. I got to that point a couple years ago, and luckily I chose the latter; although I had the plastic bag, sleeping pills and note ready.

I think that's why some men and women with kids issues really do lose it and act out: the whole 20 years of stuffing it deep down inside them. It just simply and purely drives them crazy and they can't take it any more, the can't "control" it any longer. It seems to outsiders like they have no shame in their actions, but in reality that is exactly what is feeding their pedophilia. Shame, anger, anxiousness, self-pity, disgust, etc. etc. It's sort of like an addiction, only your drug of choice is out there in the world, and around you every day. Imagine how hard it would be for a crack addict to stop using if they sold crack at Walgreen's. He tries so hard to stuff the addiction deep down and promises he would never smoke it, but it's always there inside those doors, and he knows it, and it's always there calling.

There needs to be more(PRE-ARREST)help available for people with kids issues, I feel.

Originally Posted By: JasonSmalls
I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I saw a guy on CNN or some news network, that is a "Self-proclaimed pedophile," and he was being open and honest about how he's attracted to little girls, but he's never abused any.My first impression was, "this guy is insane!"


I don't think he's doing it to be open and honest. I think he's doing it to get attention. He has a big problem, and he just happened to end up on the news. It should be pointed out that just because he says he hasn't offended, does not necessarily mean he hasn't. His idea of an offense might vary drastically to that of the local police. Someone taking pictures in public of little girls doesn't sound like a guy at the height of self-control.

Originally Posted By: JasonSmalls
My grandpa says it's a power trip for this guy.


I think "power" is too easy of an answer. It is a lot deeper than that, and of course, like anyone, each pedophile is different. I don't think there's a cookie cutter profile of a pedophile, although some would disagree. I think men and women with that attraction come at it from all different points of view and backgrounds. Some do it for power, yes, but some just have a messed up view of love and affection -- and everything in between. I don't think one label can be pinned on people like him. I don't know him, so I can't really speak to his motivations.

Thank you for posting, Jason. I'm here if you need it. \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#199348 - 01/13/08 09:37 PM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: JasonSmalls]
NoOneImportant Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 36
I personally think that anyone is forgivable. Resources or not, but resources or not there isn't an excuse. Wrong is wrong.

I'm glad you're getting help now while you're young. I've spent a long time wanting and seeking help but my fear held me back. I'm almost twice your age, and can say that feelings and such don't go away. They don't get easier, and they don't stay the same either. It's like a cancer. It grows, and as it grows it consumes you more and more until right and wrong don't matter. It becomes an addiction that has to be fed one way or another.

That being said. I haven't crossed the line either, but I recognize the evil within and want it obliterated. I've come to the place where my fear and shame of what happened that kept me from getting help for so long has been overcome with the fear of what could happen if I don't get help.

I searched for so long and found so many dead ends. I literally felt like I was drowning. I searched for qualified therapists only to find time and time again there were none anywhere close to me. I've found this place, and it gives me hope. Now I just need that next level of help.


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#199350 - 01/13/08 10:01 PM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: NoOneImportant]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
grandpa is right .

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

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#199414 - 01/14/08 10:10 AM Re: Self-proclaimed pedophile (Maybe triggers) [Re: NoOneImportant]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Originally Posted By: NoOneImportant
I personally think that anyone is forgivable. Resources or not, but resources or not there isn't an excuse. Wrong is wrong.


Exactly -- wrong is wrong. No matter your afflictions, I feel you're still responsible for you actions.

Originally Posted By: NoOneImportant
I'm glad you're getting help now while you're young. I've spent a long time wanting and seeking help but my fear held me back. I'm almost twice your age, and can say that feelings and such don't go away. They don't get easier, and they don't stay the same either. It's like a cancer. It grows, and as it grows it consumes you more and more until right and wrong don't matter. It becomes an addiction that has to be fed one way or another.


Agreed 150%. I'm glad you found us here as well, NoOne. I hope in the future you can find help that is closer to you and face to face. Have you looked for any SAA or SLAA meetings?

I held back getting help out of fear too -- and also I just had no idea who or where I could turn to get it. I swore if I brought any of this stuff out, there was surely to be armed guards waiting for me in the lobby after. Surprisingly, the therapists I've found are generally helpful, though. I've only seen a few for this (my therapist this time more seriously), but I've seen a great appreciation and admiration for my coming in myself and seeking it out. I think a lot of doctor's give you a lot of leeway if you're not dragged there kicking and screaming.

It does grow, like you said, as a cancer. It does consume you. I've talked to hundreds if not thousands of guys and gals who say they can control it, and that always gives me the shivers. Mostly because years ago I said the same things, but I can still remember my mind. No matter who says I'm wrong, I will always believe that there is that point in time -- if help is not sought -- when you start choosing to forget what is right and wrong. You take little baby steps towards that line -- and convince yourself you're still "in control." Like you said, it's like an addiction; and like any addict, you need more and more to get high each time.

Sorry to babble...big issue for me. lol \:\) I'm glad I'm on the right side of keeping kids safe. \:\)



_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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