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#199088 - 01/11/08 08:02 PM This site SUCKS for changing my post title
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
that if a man rapes a boy, the abuser therefore is homosexual, and I am tired of hearing others ignore this fact, making excuses. I had to post this. I'm tired hearing that my abusers were heterosexuals, when it's clearly untrue.



Edited by none (12/11/08 05:18 PM)

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#199095 - 01/11/08 08:29 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am sorry it is uncomfortable to you to hear such. But I think it is quite truth that many abusers of 'same gender' sexual abuse really are what is to be thought 'heterosexual'. I think that is because in thought and emotion, sexual abuse and rape, it is more about 'control' and 'power' then about the actual act of sex. That is my understanding of it. I do not know nothing of your abusers, of what orientation they was. But I do not think it impossible that they could have been male and still be considered 'heterosexual'. I am not 'making excuses' for any one or anything. It is just how I understand of it. I could much be wrong, I am sure.

And welcome to here.

Andrei



Edited by ak (01/11/08 08:29 PM)

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#199097 - 01/11/08 08:45 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: ak]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
control and power? this is something a psychiatrist would tell a patient so he or she won't feel so bad about what actually happened, yea control and power has something to do with it, but has to do more with sex, and once a male does something that is considered sexual with another male, no matter what age, (except if he is being forced or something like that), then he's homosexual or might also be bisexual but no longer heterosexual, it's no longer possible


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#199109 - 01/11/08 09:10 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I will not argue it with you at all. I am sure there is other people who will have their opinions, and who will have more experience and knowledge of medical studies and such. I do think that you are seeing it very 'black and white', and in my mind, I still believe it is more about power then sex. But that is just mine own thoughts. You will believe what will help you deal of it, just as I do. I wish you good luck.

andrei


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#199112 - 01/11/08 09:37 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: ak]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
What of the man who rapes a boy while he is married to a woman for several years with two kids of his own? That's more often the case than not in my experience with offenders.

It all depends on if they're "fixated" pedophiles or not. A lot of offenders have feelings for adults and kids, and sometimes the adult attraction is of the opposite sex.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#199124 - 01/11/08 10:47 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: AndyJB2005]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I don't think my uncle was a homosexual or heterosexual. I think he was a pedophile!


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#199132 - 01/12/08 12:31 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: JasonSmalls]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
My uncle was arrested for molesting a neighbor kid when I was younger. I did catch him watching gay porn once. That itself does not make a homosexual. He was a pedophile of course, and also a bisexual- he was into women, and on the other hand, into little boys.


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#199150 - 01/12/08 04:40 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi none,
Originally Posted By: none
that if a man rapes a boy, the abuser therefore is homosexual, and I am tired of hearing others ignore this fact, making excuses. I had to post this. I'm tired hearing that my abusers were heterosexuals, when it's clearly untrue.


Question, if a homosexual man in a fit of rage, rapes a girl does that convert him into a heterosexual?
I was raped in 1968 when I was 11, by a stranger. At that time the meaning of rape was when a man was so over come by lust, that he took a woman by force. It took me a few years to hear about homosexuals. I immediately took the old meaning of rape and updated it to include homosexuals, I finally understood what had happen to me. I continued to think this way until 1992. In 1992 I tried to tell the navy that I felt that my lack of performance was due to the rape effecting me. They did not buy this and forced me out of the navy. Being that the navy would not help me. I finally broke down and bought a book about rape.
That book was Recovery by Helen Benedict , My copy of the book came out in 1985. On page 155 in my book they talk about child molesters as being 83% heterosexual, for me that was very eye opening! I will never know for sure, my rapist was a stranger. What that 83% means to me is that I have conditioned myself to not trust, and to avoid homosexual men. So besides the rape and and the other effects it has had on me. I need to remove this conditioning. One way that I am attempting to do this is by reading the posts in the gay section of this web site.

I strongly suggest reading a good book about rape.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#199151 - 01/12/08 04:50 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: lostcowboy]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
PS: please look at the Table of Contents She has the five myths of rape listed.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#199166 - 01/12/08 10:11 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: lostcowboy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
none,

The idea that pedophiles are homosexuals is one of the myths of child abuse. The vast majority of convicted abusers of under-age boys identify themselves as heterosexual and do not have sex with other men. They prey on boys, but otherwise their sexual partners are women. Their idea of intimacy and sharing their lives also revolves around women.

The sex involved when an abuser molests a boy is not the same as what takes place between two gay guys. In the first case there is a huge disparity of power and the victim has almost always been tricked or groomed into complying with the abuser's wishes. When two gay guys have sex they are sharing themselves by mutual informed consent.

The professional literature on psychology and child abuse is unanimous on this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#199167 - 01/12/08 10:19 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: roadrunner]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
hi none,

I agree with what Larry has said. Children are sexually abused in their own homes sometimes by their own mother or father or a close family member, to go around and say that pedophiles are homosexuals makes it easier for us to deal with it.

take care,

duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#199172 - 01/12/08 11:19 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: duncanUK]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
my brother abused me as a boy-------------------------he has a wife and 3 childern now--------------steve


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#199182 - 01/12/08 12:42 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: roadrunner]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
...................................................................................................................................................................


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#199208 - 01/12/08 03:33 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
****Trigger Warning****

None,

Let me first say welcome to MS, I'm sorry you needed to find this place, but I'm glad we are here for those who need it.

I think you will find that many perps will prey upon the available children around them. Some studies show that if the pedophile has access to girls they will abuse them, if they find a boy who is vulnerable, then he will victimize him.

I'm not trying to say no preps are homosexual, but one of the worst things anyone can say is that all homosexuals are also pedophiles. The Boy Scouts Of America have taken the stance that gay men cannot be volunteers in their organization, because they are more likely to abuse boys. In my case, my perp was a married man with 3 children. Two boys and a girl. Guess what, he abused all three of his kids, along with at least two of us scouts.

I also think that many of the men on this site will confirm, that their abusers didn't perform "gay" sex acts on them. The old saying, "any watering hole in a drought", seems to be the way they think. My pervert/perp wouldn't even touch my naked penis, he did grope me while I was clothed, but once he got me naked, he never touched it or my anus. It became all about making me touch and perform on him. Once he was ready, he then raped me anally.

Of course, any blanket statements like "all" or "every" is very short sighted. Each person, pedophile, pervert or survivor is a different being. To lump all under one lable is very tough.

Please take a few moments to read through some of the posts on this site and remember, lables do nothing but separate us and can continue to build walls between you and the world around you.

Good luck, and I hope to see you around here more.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#199209 - 01/12/08 03:37 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: Scoutvictim]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
3 of my 4 abusers (all male) was married; the two who still are alive, still are. With children. Just is my experience of it.

Andrei


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#199255 - 01/12/08 10:24 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: roadrunner]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Sexual abuse by a pedophile is about POWER... it has little or nothing to do with sex. My perpetrator sexually abused girls and boys.

_________________________
GD

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#199261 - 01/13/08 01:20 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: River]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
lol, ok..


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#199270 - 01/13/08 07:55 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: roadrunner]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
hi none,

my personal experience -
my dad sexually abused me for many years, AND at the same time was also sexually abusing both of my sisters.
homosexual? no.

he was exerting power over us and using sex to do it.

buzz


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#199295 - 01/13/08 12:15 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: buzz_key]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
bisexual


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#199302 - 01/13/08 01:15 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
my abusers were not gay or homosexual whatever you call it ,they wanted little boys only ,to me homosexual means wanting a relationship with a man at least close to your own age ,my abusers did not want a man ,they couldn't deal with someone their own age ,and i don't think it was about sex ,it was about innocence ,taking it from me thats what a pedophile needs ,our innocence ,what thrill could they get from a grown man?someone on their own level,they were afraid of other men and could only be aroused by a little boy. and there was an age limit to who they would go after, they were too weak and to fucked up to have a relationship with any adult ,they couldn't measure up or impress an adult ,saying pedos are gay is not right i don't think . being homosexual is a choice in a way ,being a pedophile is perverted,i can safely say that allthough i was molested by several men ,not one of them was gay or even bi.they had no intrest in anything except little boys ,maybe part of it was about control and power but it seemed like it was more about my age and my underdeveloped body,and my underdeveloped mind ,you can't convince a srtaight adult man that he's gay but you can convince an impressionable young boy of just about anything . i wanted to add that i know my dad was not gay for sure ,just so fucked up that for him it was eaiser to use me to fill his needs than to find a women after my mom left,weak sick bastards is what they are



Edited by evanesence (01/13/08 01:51 PM)

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#199315 - 01/13/08 04:11 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: evanesence]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: none
bisexual


No! pedophile!

There is a difference. One cannot change the definitions established by a society to conform to their personal understanding or agenda on a given subject.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#199434 - 01/14/08 12:22 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: WalkingSouth]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
It's a pedophile who also happens to be bisexual....very simple.


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#199436 - 01/14/08 12:25 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: WalkingSouth]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I would also like to add that it is very unfair to homosexuals to include pedophiles as part of that lifestyle. Healthy homosexuality is a very wonderful thing, and tying it together with pedophilia is hurtful and inaccurate. They absolutely MUST be handled as two distinct issues.

My abuser was hetero too. I can only remember him ever reciprocating pleasure once, maybe twice, and it was extremely brief.

Pedophilia shows some interesting characteristics that are similar to a disease. It can even sometimes apppear to be "contagious", since many perps were abused themselves as children and for whatever reason chose to never deal with the feelings that result.

I'm no expert, but I have a theory about why some abused men go on to abuse other children. It might have something to do with them believing that what happened when they were younger was consentual. As a result this kind of behavior becomes allowable in their minds. Sometimes I think it makes them feel very powerful to introduce such a young, naive person to such powerful feelings of pleasure. It addresses their ego in a very direct and intense way.

Just my 2 cents.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#199440 - 01/14/08 12:38 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: cbfull]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
none,

Coming back to this, I hope you don't feel that guys are ganging up on you. It's just that your view isn't supported by any research on the subject. In fact all the research - and there has been a lot of it - points in the opposite direction. Abusers of children, including boys, are usually heterosexuals.

A good follow-up question, from your perspective, would be this: If perps are not gay, why do they molest little boys? Now, in my view, that's the wrong question to ask. It would somehow be like thinking that all heterosexual men are to be feared as potential abusers of little girls.

But if we turn the phrasing around a bit we get a genuinely useful question: "How do perps make it okay to abuse boys at all, and especially if they are mainly heterosexuals to begin with?" The answer is complicated, but what it comes down to is "distorted thinking". In Ken Singer's forthcoming book he has a whole chapter about this and it's a real eyeopener.

In a way it's all about rationalizing and finding excuses and false arguments. Kind of like what criminals do when the kill someone. Why do they do that when they know the penalty could be death? Why is it that capital punishment doesn't bring down murder rates? The answer again is "distorted thinking" of one sort or another: the criminal finds all sorts of false arguments that justify what he does or convinces him that he won't get caught.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#263842 - 11/26/08 05:25 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: roadrunner]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Some things are true, None, whether you want to believe in them or not. Many pedophiles who abuse boys are indeed, heterosexual. Many will sexualize young boys, but not "men." That makes them neither heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual. It make them a pedophile. However, pedophile can also be homosexual, in that like are attracted to both boys and men.

Anyway, from my standards and point-of-view, anyone who molests a child, whether the child is male or female, doesn't belong in the same category as I, a homosexual, or with heterosexual and bisexuals. They have a category all of their own, Pedophilia.

That's my two cents!

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#263865 - 11/26/08 07:56 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: Stretch73]
trb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 16
Loc: Tulsa Oklahoma metro area
none,

I agree with Rich above, in the fact that my prep was my aunt and her abuse of me started around 2 or 3 years old and ended just before puberty. She was married after my abuse ended, but still married. I just don't view pedohila as a sexuality, a pedohile is pedohila was my aunt hetrosexual because she had sex with a 3 year boy and married a man? I don't know and don't care she was pedohile. Because of her I was a prme target for my other aunts gay boyfriend when I was 17 and then a sicko preist at about 19. All of the wrong and in one way or another the were each an abuser.

But my aunt was the worst and she is just a pedohile - actually I sent her a letter last year telling her that I remembered and that she was just that a pedohile and guess what no response at all but I didn't really expect any either.

take care and this is an excellent site

RB

_________________________
Hanging in there One Day at a Time
RB (trb)

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#264077 - 11/27/08 07:38 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: trb]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
My take is the Name it should be something like childhood pedophile abuse not CSA, why because it was not a sex act. It was p power trip using sexual areas of the body.
The identity, mind, aspirations, sexuality and then the genitals, anus both sexes/vigina girls and mouth. I had at least 11 perps 2 were older brothers they were the worst the chase was the thrill one was out of my life from 3-13 the other if eh was not trying to pedofile me he was grooming me I can remember talks of a “confidential sexual nature” from beginning of my memory time and he was11/12 when he made his first move I was so scared I shit myself, good turn off by the way. From 13 on whenever I was alone with the either brother they would talk grooming, setting the mood and then if I responded the right way the proposition then the penetration. They both would pedofiling the little boy that I was verbally during the process, I only let them pedophile me as an adult because their grooming talk took away my manhood and the little boy couldn’t say NO-NO-NO. The pedofiling stopped when I was in my 40’s
They were not gay, bi or straight, they were sub human PEDOFILE BARSTARD’S

Dusty


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#266548 - 12/11/08 02:40 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: evanesence]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
who cares if the pedophile is married and has children, it doesn't change the fact that if he sexually abuses a boy then he is, in this case, a pedophile who is bisexual because he has a wife and sexualy abused a boy


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#266568 - 12/11/08 04:42 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: evanesence]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
this site sucks, the freakin title of the freakin post was changed, and reading these stupid posts only pisses me off, okay, to the ones who say that adult male sexually abusing a boy is straight, then keep believing that, and to the ones who say it's pedophile--it is, but he is a pedophile who is also homosexual. Someone delete this thread. All it did was make me angrier. if this is NOt delted then I am going to continue to express my anger MORE.


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#266576 - 12/11/08 05:35 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5779
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
None:
You can delete your own posts but you can't delete others'. If we delete the whole thread, we are deleting the posts of others. Should you have the power to delete other's opinions?

If you are threatening the site, please just leave. Other people are getting help here. If we can't help you, we hope you will find a place where you can heal.

Please go in peace, if you feel you have to go, but don't rain on others' parades.


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#266580 - 12/11/08 05:40 PM Re: This site SUCKS for changing my post title [Re: none]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Originally Posted By: none
that if a man rapes a boy, the abuser therefore is homosexual, and I am tired of hearing others ignore this fact, making excuses. I had to post this. I'm tired hearing that my abusers were heterosexuals, when it's clearly untrue.


the abuser can be homosexual, can be straight, can be a woman as well as a man. If a woman sexually abuses a girl what does that make her? a lesbian? she could be married. The abusers sexual orientation has nothing to do with why they committed the crime.

Please look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia . Adult men rape men as well. It happens in jails etc.. and the perpetrators are generally "straight" and when their time is up will be released back into society and resume "normal" sexual relationships.

In your case you abuser was homosexual but that does NOT mean all homosexuals are child abusers. Children are sexually abused and beaten to death in their own homes every day... their own parents do it to them or a close family member or friend. If the father or mother carries out this crime... what does that make them?

duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#266581 - 12/11/08 05:41 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

enon { It sounds more like a name backwards ;-) }

I do not recall the original title of this thread...

Prayers to you. When I read your statement about continuing to express your anger MORE I was pleased for you... Heck, get it out bet the hell out of a pillow or a mattress --In my books all of my pent up crap had to, and has to, get out-- the more I express my emotions the more I find I am in touch with them. The more I am in touch with them the more I can deal with them. The more I deal with them the more I heal. The more I stuff my emotions the more I hurt myself and others.

I have no interest in weighing in on the argument of this thread... I will simply paraphrase a dead Englishman in support on not taking a side(or taking a 3rd side);

An abuser by any other name would smell as vile!

Your brother, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#266584 - 12/11/08 06:11 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: wes-b]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#266682 - 12/12/08 06:44 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Wow Ken! Thank you! You have no idea how much of what you wrote up there calmed me down.

I know I'm not the only one who is fed up with this BS, but I seem to be the only one trying to controll this guy and allow him to see the side of logic rather than distortion.

Ken Singer for Supreme Court Judge!

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#266701 - 12/12/08 09:04 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: Stretch73]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5779
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Would I have to make a political contribution to get that post?

There is something about "count to ten" before hitting the send button. Sometimes you have to count to ten a bunch of times to say things more effectively.


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#266770 - 12/12/08 05:10 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
None, I don't know if you realized, but all of the threads in response to you, are listed as replies in regards to, or "RE: The way I see it." I think the mods are clear that they did not change the title of your post, and I highly doubt that they did. If they had, they would have had to change the title to all of the replies as well.

Furthermore, the title "The way I see it..." makes perfect sense to what you wrote in the original post. Put it together, and you'll see... LOOK


The way I see it...
Originally Posted By: none
that if a man rapes a boy, the abuser therefore is homosexual, and I am tired of hearing others ignore this fact, making excuses. I had to post this. I'm tired hearing that my abusers were heterosexuals, when it's clearly untrue.


It would not have made sense with the other title you are suggesting.

I'm with Ken on the 10 minute rule... but I usually tell my students that they should sleep on it before hitting send.

Allen



Edited by Roofus (12/12/08 06:31 PM)

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#266827 - 12/12/08 08:16 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Originally Posted By: Ken Singer, LCSW
None:
You can delete your own posts but you can't delete others'. If we delete the whole thread, we are deleting the posts of others. Should you have the power to delete other's opinions?


Anyway...

As to the point of this thread: technically I would have to agree with the opening post. And here is the reasoning: there are only two genders - male, and female. As a human, you can be sexually oriented toward your own sex, the opposite sex, both sexes, or no sex at all. "Child" is not a sex in and of itself (that's the whole reason pedophilia is not a sexual orientation). Children are either male or female. Therefore, a male perpetrator who is sexually attracted to a male victim is homosexually oriented; the fact that the victim is a child does not matter. If the male perpetrator is also attracted to females (adult or otherwise), then he is bisexual. If a female adult perpetrator is attracted exclusively to males, she is heterosexually oriented - no matter what the ages of the males she is attracted to.

This seems fairly logical to me. People vociferously oppose this reasoning, however. Near as I can tell, it is because those people for some reason think that recognition of male-male sexual contact as technically homosexual regardless of context somehow condemns or portrays all homosexually-oriented people in a bad light. Given that people are the way they are, generally, I can understand that fear. It does not help, of course, that pedophiles, in an attempt to portray their activities as some kind of civil right, have hitched their wagon to the star that is the fight for equal rights for homosexuals. This tarnishes the GLBT image, and it's understandable that they'd want to try and avoid any labeling or terminology that links them in any way with pedophiles.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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#268508 - 12/23/08 10:57 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: roadrunner]
cole Offline


Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 10
Loc: NC
My grandfather had a incestous relationship with me, and my sister. A wife he had sex with, multiple affairs, he was tri-sexual. As in try to screw up as many lives as possible and now I can just work on me.

Col

_________________________
"To always look life in the face...To always look life in the face and to know it for what it is and to know it for what it is not and then put it away." Virginia Woolfe, "The Hours"

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#434156 - 05/09/13 04:57 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 422
Loc: USA
A question: Is pedophilia itself an orientation? I don't think so. There is a movement afoot in the UK and Canada to make that distinction, along with saying that it should also be acceptable, legal, etc. (see the News Thread, and that movement is not just to "normalize" sex with boys but also with girls.)

I believe there are heterosexual pedophiles, bisexual pedophiles and homosexual pedophiles. I do not believe that every person of any orientation is a pedophile. I also know that some people are married and engaged in pedophilia, so are they both maybe? Both heterosexual and a pedophile?
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#434184 - 05/09/13 11:06 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx
deleted


Edited by wearytraveler (11/10/13 06:55 AM)

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#434191 - 05/10/13 12:01 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1527
Loc: New England
Homosexual pedophile? Heterosexual pedophile? Who the F@#K cares.....a pedophile is a pedophile, PERIOD! Everyone of us knows that adults (of whatever race, gender, or orientation), having sex with children is devastating to the child. Thats all that matters.

Maybe if we put all this energy into getting these monsters put away for life, some good would come of it. But this is a pointless argument in my opinion.

Jude
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#434251 - 05/10/13 07:39 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: Jude]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx
deleted


Edited by wearytraveler (11/10/13 06:53 AM)

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#434257 - 05/10/13 10:48 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 422
Loc: USA
Who cares? MS does as this question is the focus of item number 2 under Myths and Facts. That item clearly implies two things. First, pedophilia is an orientation in and of itself, and second that heterosexual males are more likely to be predators then anyone else. So argue all you like that orientation is not a factor and that it does not matter, but don't then turn right around and say "well one orientation (heterosexuals) is in fact the source of most predators" according to all of the studies. Usually followed up with studies that do not support this position are flawed, skewed and phobic, which is an attempt to demonize and silence people.

Want to fight child abuse in the real world? Shine a broad light on it to figure out where and how these people operate...all of them...and work to put a stop to it. As long as that light shines on the predators then I would agree with you Jude. I'll do that by speaking in public when I'm ready about my abuse. My testimony will not be about anyone but me, what happened in general terms and how I found healing. Why? Because maybe by my speaking in public others may spot the signs of on-going abuse in a child or past abuse in an adult friend now and help them end the nightmare. That will mean what was meant for my harm has been turned into something good. Helping others get healing, how ever that works for them, means my life will not be defined in a bad way by the past.

About this thread, I feel bad for this member who's probably long gone now, because it feels like he was hounded off the site simply for venting. Maybe he could have done it better but how do we start to heal if we can't just let things out first, then take a breath and say ok what is really going on inside of me? The comments here feel like dog pile on this survivor as he's one of "those" people who has not figured it out yet, so that's acceptable. Look at the replies he received or comments that were made about him as if he were not even in the room or a living person. Invisible and didn't really matter. Comments like "Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle" said he's an idiot. Another label on a survivor. It should have been safe for him to talk here but he was mocked and few stood up with any kind of genuine compassion in the open forum anyway. One person spelling his name backwards. Really? That's like junior high school bullying and did we not get enough of that growing up?

My understanding is this is a survivor's site. There are many sites out there to promote lifestyle issues but the only thing I thought MS was promoting was healing, and raising questions to fight and stop future abuse. So, I'll wait for an attack on me now too. I can deal with that, but not through anger and hate so if that is your goal you will be wasting your time. My T has taught me it does not matter now what anyone says about me. My strength comes from a different source. I would elaborate, but some have aggressively suggested that being a person of faith is not an acceptable topic outside of the spirituality thread. I'm ok with that and if you want to know more about who I am, you can read my posts there. Quite a few people have already.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#434313 - 05/10/13 11:19 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: BuffaloCO]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1527
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Who cares? MS does as this question is the focus of item number 2 under Myths and Facts. That item clearly implies two things. First, pedophilia is an orientation in and of itself, and second that heterosexual males are more likely to be predators then anyone else.

I think the point of item number 2 under Myths and Facts is that the common perception: that men who abuse boys are all homosexual, is false. Perhaps most male perps are heterosexual simply because there are more heterosexual men in this world, than homosexual. I dunno!

Anyway what I meant was that their orientation doesn't matter to ME. I couldn't care less whether my abuser liked to bang men or women, when he wasn't molesting boys. I only care about what he did to me, and probably other boys, and the damage that was done by that.

Jude
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#438679 - 06/19/13 06:52 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
So many guys put really good things out there in this thread, I don't really see what I could add, but I feel I must step up and defend myself.

I am Gay, a homosexual, a man who sleeps with men. (or in my case a MAN)

I take offense at the (incorrect) point that a "male pedophile who preys on little boys" is homosexual.

First off, it is as if you have some vested interest in calling the sexual predator a "homosexual" as if this somehow was worse than being a sexual predator of little boys.

I was abused, by my brother who went on to raise two children and was married for many years.

I was abused, by an older perp, who went on to marry and is still married.

Neither one of my perps was gay....but I was.

According to "none's definition I would be just as bad if not worse than the men who raped me.

I don't see the point. Except to say it is WRONG. So Stop.

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#438702 - 06/20/13 12:38 AM Re: This site SUCKS for changing my post title [Re: none]
ScorpioBlue Offline


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 5
Loc: NYC Metro Area
Sexual orientation is so not the issue for me. A pedophile is a pedophile is a pedophile! I could not care less if a pedophile is having sex with adults of the same or opposite sex. For me it is like stating that "67% off all pedophiles drink 2%milk. " I don't care. What is the relevance? If they are molesting/sexually abusing children, they are pedophiles who are sick and should be locked away from harming any other innocent children.
To the other point, I must agree that you can't have it both ways (MS) in using political correct statistics in order not to play into some people's ignorant beliefs about homosexuality. Stating that the majority of pedophiles are heterosexuals is also harmful, misleading and untrue! You may quote me on this if you wish. "The Majority Of All Pedophiles are...100% PEDOPHILE!" Let us evolve enough to not mislead in any way. Instead let us focus our attention and energy on blaming the sexually abusive miscreants who are solely responsible for their reprehensible and vile behavior...and prosecute them and lock them up!
_________________________
"Take me down
You can hold me
But you can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I Will Not Be Broken" (Bonnie Raitt)


WoR Guest House 2013

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#440791 - 07/13/13 05:06 PM Re: This site SUCKS for changing my post title [Re: none]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 422
Loc: USA
I agree ScorpioBlue. Saying orientation does not matter, then following up with btw most are Heterosexuals is equally wrong as saying most are Homosexual.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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