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#198970 - 01/10/08 10:41 PM STILL FRAZZLED
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I'm at my wits end and i feel like i' losing it you see i am an alcoholic who picked a drink after being soer since june of 2002 and as a result i'm consumed by crying all the time and my fiancee is torn in that she feels so pwerless.

I'm not sure how or what to do about the drinking aspect is concerned afterall i can no longer change the decision i made however my feelings/thoughts are ripping into my soul right down to my core and my fiancee has no idea what to do,as a matter of fact she and i both(myself especially) were convinced i would not ever drink again.

The abuse and the aftereffects have caused me unbearable pain therefore i,too am powerless to do anything about how i can go one from here,by no means am i suicidle but i think it sounds pretty good at times at least it will take away the inner turmoil i deal withn everyday.


I hate my emotions and the power they have had on me the last 6 days(last friday night i drank)and i'm not sure if i will pick up in the future,i have a wedding to plan and september is around the corner.

Am i making any sense(although at this point it makes sense to me and ultimately thats all that matters in the end anyway)

Who knows why or how long the abuse i am dealing with in therapy will get to the point where i can live a semi normal life(what ever "normal" is)otherwise i could lose it and hurt those in my life mentally and emotionally that would kill me to even consider.

Have any of you ever gone through similiar circumstances and if so how did you deal with it to have some kind form of peace.

I'm better off thinking its alot easier to say fuck it and "run" then it is to deal with the pain.

I go to AA but not as much as i know i shoulds however it's to emotional for me and i know it's not about the booze it's about the underlying causes and conditions (sexual abuse,verbal,and physical) that forced me to drink in the first place....who knows how long the eomotional pain ill be in but if it does not end or subside soon i'm left with no way of knowing what will become,whatever that is,is anyones guess.I feel so sad and torn inside and talking helps me through it but i need to push myself to become that man i have always wanted to be.....PROUD AND PRODUCTIVE.....my family has no idea i drank again which i was only allowed back in their life as a result of staying sober otherwise how they act-re-act i have no control over.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#198974 - 01/10/08 11:20 PM Re: STILL FRAZZLED [Re: thecoopstah]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Coop,

Everybody makes mistakes. Sometimes it takes a few tries to quit. Just don't give up. Don't beat yourself up and give yourself one more reason to take that next drink. You are a good person and a strong person, but you are faced with powerful demons. Face the fact that you are not perfect and don't let your trip-ups totally derail you.

Hang in there. You can DO this.

Laz

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#198993 - 01/11/08 01:52 AM Re: STILL FRAZZLED [Re: Lazarus]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I went seven years coop. Never thought I'd be back here that's for sure. Still drinking, but what I did take out of it is that I can do it if I've got my ducks in a row. Work on lining up those ducks Coop, I see now I didn't have my reasons addressed. If I pulled off seven years without addressing all my reasons imagine how well I'm going to do when my "crap" is all addressed.

It's a bump coop, none of us have a smooth ride.

stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#198999 - 01/11/08 06:38 AM Re: STILL FRAZZLED [Re: mogigo]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
dont beat yourself up----------------no ones perfect-------------------human nature------------set this aside-and continue on----------------------you say you are getting married-----------------luckey you---------------foreward we must go in life------------------------------steve


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#199000 - 01/11/08 07:15 AM Re: STILL FRAZZLED [Re: sabata]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Stop beating up your self. You fell down, get up and try again .
You can do this. you know the steps

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#199002 - 01/11/08 08:13 AM Re: STILL FRAZZLED [Re: OKIE MIKE]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Hey Coop,
Its not the end of the world. I know its hard to deal with the pain but you don't have to live in it. After dealing with my abuse the pain is far less than it was. I am not suicidal anymore. I found that what ever the pain I have today I can feel it and cry or be angry. Then move on from it. The pain comes back sometimes but it does not last as long.

Give your self some credit dude, you are working on this issue, and its hard work but you are still doing the work. That is You not anyone else You are the one doing the footwork here. You are reaching out and asking for help. It takes a lot of guts to ask for help. Hang in there and you get through this.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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