My faith began unravelling over a year ago as the memories of my childhood began flooding back. I didn't fully realize the extent of this "unraveling" until a few weeks ago, sitting in my therapists office. I have been with my therapist, Max, for 7 years and he has seen me get sober with an addiction... which for me involved working a 12-step program. My Higher Power is Jesus Christ and at some point I fired a god who did not work for me and connected with Christ in a way that brought me Serenity. But the memories and the trauma work has undone me. He gave me a writing assignment ... If God is safe, then... and if God is unsafe, then... I have tried to write... nothing comes out. I don't really blame God for what happened... I believe that Good and evil co-exist and that we are all free moral agents... blah, blah, blah... I am in my head. Sigh. My heart just hurts, I need to feel like I am truly God's child and that He really cares for me.. and I just don't. I need him to show up in my life in a major way. Am I expecting too much, looking for the wrong thing. I feel like I am doing my part... I meditate daily. I try to stay in the present moment.. being mindful. Basically, I am just faking my way through this. Can anybody relate to what the hell I am talking about?
Edited by River (01/08/08 04:50 PM)