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#198740 - 01/09/08 03:51 AM Is this normal?
ErikSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/08
Posts: 5
Loc: Gauteng, South Africa
Hi,

I am new to this site - well, actually I am new to all of this. I was abused 23 years ago and finally started working with my therapist a week ago! Boy, am I confused! Since I started working with my therapist, I started to remember more detail of the abuse and that scares me quite a lot! Is it normal to start remembering so much detail? I know it is going to be tough - but I am not sure if I am ready for this?

Any advise?

Erik

_________________________
Live to ride and ride to live!

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#198751 - 01/09/08 08:23 AM Re: Is this normal? [Re: ErikSA]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Erik,

First of all, man, I'm so glad you found us here at MaleSurvivor. For what you're starting to deal with it's important to get all the support you can. Please don't hesitate to talk here about whatever concerns you.

Yes, it's very common for a guy to start dredging up memories as he starts on his recovery. A lot of the time what's happening isn't so much that we're recovering "lost" memories, as allowing ourselves to think about things instead of stuffing everything back as far as possible.

And yes, it gets rough. But always remember these are memories of things that happened a long time ago. You weren't to blame no matter what happened and no matter what lies the abuser told you. It's never ever the child's fault in any way.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#198758 - 01/09/08 09:04 AM Re: Is this normal? [Re: roadrunner]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Erik:

Welcome to MS> Yes, the past memories continue to come back through flashbacks and triggers. I have been on the road to recovery only about 4 months now. It does get harder along the way, but I am telling you from the bottom of heart, that the recovery journey is WELL WORTH IT>

You will survive and you will be a better person for it. Hang in there and remember that everyone on this site is dealing with very similar issues.

Good Luck

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#198766 - 01/09/08 09:36 AM Re: Is this normal? [Re: KENKEN]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Erik,

When it get's tough, you can always come here and find people who know exactly what you're going through, from what I've seen. It gets easier when you no longer feel alone with it.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#198768 - 01/09/08 09:56 AM Re: Is this normal? [Re: LandOfShadow]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
for me once i opened the door to my abuse it was like a flood that i couldn't stop even though i wanted to go back to ignoring it . the only difference is before the same battle was raging but i was fighting it alone,the memories were always there ,and keeping it inside meant i would never be able to get any kind of help


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#198785 - 01/09/08 12:49 PM Re: Is this normal? [Re: evanesence]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Welcome to MS, Eric!

It is normal to have lots of memories pouring in your head. However, it can be hardto process al at once and you may feel tired and really at the edge. It will cease with time. You are free to guide your own course of healing and decide how much you can handle at a time.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#198792 - 01/09/08 01:13 PM Re: Is this normal? [Re: alexey]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Erik,

I'm glad you found this place and sorry that you had to. Starting therapy is a good first step. I never cried as much in all my life as I cried in the first couple of months of therapy. I look at it now as a grieving process for my lost childhood. It's an emotional rollercoaster for a while but it does get better. I waited 38 years before I started dealing with it but it was as soon as I was ready to.

We've all been through this stuff and we're here to help you through it too. MaleSurvivor is a great resource and a great peer support group.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#198894 - 01/10/08 07:59 AM Re: Is this normal? [Re: Stephen_5]
ErikSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/08
Posts: 5
Loc: Gauteng, South Africa
Thanks Guys,

It is comforting to know there are people understanding! I really appreciate it.

Larry, Alexey, Steve - thanks for making me feel welcome. Thanks also to all who responded, as well as the PM's I received. Good to know there is real FRIENDS out there.

Erik

_________________________
Live to ride and ride to live!

Top
#198968 - 01/10/08 10:29 PM Re: Is this normal? [Re: ErikSA]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Welcome Erik,
Hope you find this place as helpful as I have. I used to think I was so alone in this crap but now I know I'm not. Actually I have discovered a lot of things I'm not since dealing with the abuse. I'm only a couple months into this issue and this place has been a great help.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#199033 - 01/11/08 12:50 PM Re: Is this normal? [Re: GateKPR4]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Erik,

The two main mantras you will hear on this site are that you're not alone and that it wasn't your fault. But they are so easy to forget or neglect, and though they seem so logical and sensible, still, we have felt alone and shameful for so long that it's difficult to let go of those ideas.

The best way to get rid of them is to keep talking. As soon as you start thinking "I can't talk about THAT", that's exactly what you should do. It really does help.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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