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#198434 - 01/07/08 05:04 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: Freedom49]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Please do not let one person's insensitive and thoughtless remark make you feel that 'old survivors' in general are 'jerks'. Many of the people I feel closest to at this site, many of the people who I think are the best people I could imagine knowing, are 2 or even 3 times my age. I have been treated with disrespect, specially in regard to my age, here before, and it is not a pleasent thing. But it is just like the 'frauds' who come here sometime. It is one person out of hundreds, or a thousand here. That is not worth it to me to get so 'pissed off'. Yes, I would perhaps be hurt or angry at the time, and it would annoy me. But this site, your time here is suppose to be for you and about you, not that other person who make you angry. Please try to use it like that, and you will find more happiness and success here.

Just my thought, not to tell you what to do or nothing as that.

Andrei


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#198438 - 01/07/08 05:24 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: ak]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
There's a phrase that I am reminded of:

"don't let them (the bad guys) rent space in your head"

As said above, you've got your life to live and healing to accomplish.

Peace.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#198442 - 01/07/08 06:10 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: Freedom49]
arozork Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/23/07
Posts: 16
Loc: Massachusetts, US
Jason
I'm sorry that somebody said that to you. That comment is ignorant, but ignorance is something that can make a person say things and do things they didnt really wanted to do. We are here for you my friend. Stay strong.


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#198443 - 01/07/08 06:13 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: arozork]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Joey,

Please send me a PM and let me know who said that to you. The remark was cruel and dismissive, and it's absolutely inappropriate for a site like this. Whoever told you that needs to be aware of this fact.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#198444 - 01/07/08 06:22 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: markgreyblue]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Jason,

Good for you for standing up for yourself and speaking out against that person's completely inappropriate behavior. As everyone else has posted, "getting over it" is not an option, a healthy strategy, or even an advisable way to go through life at all.

I also want to, as gently and respectfully as possible, maybe stick up for all the old guys around here, and those members who maybe have made some serious progress on their healing journeys. Almost every single person I have met who has made some progress on their journey has had nothing but respect and kindness for those of us who are struggling. It would seem to me that the person who attacked you so insensitively was not representative of the older survivors that I've met. Is it possible that instead of getting angry at all the old guard, you can perhaps allow yourself to see that this one person acted poorly, very poorly, and not allow his actions to affect how you treat a whole group of people?

I know that I may be pushing a button, and I hope you understand that I'm not in anyway trying to call you out, call you wrong, or even suggest that you have made an error. I totally get how one person's actions can be so insensitive and hurtful that it seems impossible to respond to them. I also know how easy it is to allow the pain we have received at the hands on one person to impact how we view the rest of the world. It's a huge part of what we all struggle with my friend. If you can find a way to see this person's actions as his own, and not indicative of the behavior many other people, that could be huge step towards healing. I know it's not easy, and I myself am constantly making that self-same mistake. But it occurs to me that this could be a chance to recast what had been a very hurtful experience into a chance for healing.

That would be a great thing indeed.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#198479 - 01/07/08 08:05 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: tartugas]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Jason, I'm 44 now been hiding it for 25 years, just started dealing with it a couple months ago. It's still with me today. Us old guys are just as vulnerable as you. I would have been hurt by that remark too. You have every right to be angry, I know I would have been. I may have made progress but its far from over. I understand your pain and hope this does not drive you away from here.
Most of the people here I have found to be very supportive and sometimes I don't agree with them but I'm still here. I know I am sensitive to some remarks and some topics and stay away from them. Chat is the same way, I leave and come back later when I have cooled down. Nobody should ever minimize anyones experience here. We are all trying to heal and we all need the support that this place offers. We all have different experiences that effect us differently lesser or greater it does not matter. It still hurts and we still need help.
I know this is true for me.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#198484 - 01/07/08 08:24 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: GateKPR4]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11088
Loc: Denver, CO
Gentlemen,

I've investigated this, and conclude there is a misunderstanding going on.

Yes, things can be said in chat that can be perceived a certain way. I've done this myself in the past. This is part of the nature of the chatroom, since important visuals in communication are missing.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#198491 - 01/07/08 08:38 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: FormerTexan]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Misunderstanding or not, Jason is wholly entitled to his opinion (especially in light of his subsequent thread). I just want to point out that it's really important that we make it clear that Jason has done nothing wrong in speaking out about his experience and his hurt. We have all lashed out at times, and one of the reasons this site exists is so that we can have a safe place to speak out in whatever way we need to.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#198494 - 01/07/08 08:45 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: tartugas]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11088
Loc: Denver, CO
Chris,

I understand that he is entitled to his opinion. The key word here is "opinion." When we depart from opinion and enter the realm of fact, this needs to be brought to light. The other chatter, though possibly careless in his phraseology, never used the words "get over it."

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#198496 - 01/07/08 08:46 PM Re: Old survivors are jerks! [Re: FormerTexan]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i love when people hang dirty laundry on the public line.


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