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#189 - 12/27/06 04:16 PM sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Is a sexual abuse/rape a means of control and a power "trip" for the perp? or is it also sexual gratification?

This is one of the questions I tussle with.

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#190 - 12/27/06 07:30 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Duncan - I can't answer for your Perp but usually the Perp is trying to get back what (his power) that was taken from him by his Perp. The Perp has his power/control so he takes yours!! In that way the underlying motives are power and control even though it has sexual overtones. He is acting out what he can not talk about to anyone. "If you don't talk it out, you'll act it out!!" is a saying I often use!! He acts out his feelings of powerlessness through a sexual event!! I hope this helps clarify the sexual VS. power and control dynamics!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#191 - 12/27/06 09:54 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Howard, thanks it is starting to make sense to e now.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#192 - 12/27/06 10:25 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Duncan, its a power thing, but its troublesome that two of them found each other, so it must have been planned.

Perps thrive on terror, and they are the biggest cowards, because when they are caught, they are just like frightened animals.

I keep my butt cheeks firmly closed, and anybody wants to do anything without extreme violence needs to be aware, that he will be castrated, so quick, he wont be able to fight back.

I learned that as a kid,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#193 - 12/28/06 01:57 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Duncan, Welcome to the site. I can tell you that after being here two years, I am starting to feel a change in myself, to what I don't know yet.

About Rape and how it can effect you. Male Rape

I was raped in 1968, it took me until 1992 to read a book on rape, I learned a lot of what I thought I knew was wrong. Here is the book I read, Recovery by Helen Benedict If you can find a copy of it, it is a good book to start answering your questions.
I like you and everyone who has been raped, thought it was about sex. The other things I thought was some how I must of done something to cause it to happen. I also thought that it must of been a gay guy who did it. It is very likely that both of those thoughts were wrong. I will never know for sure, as the guy was a stranger and I never saw him again. This is part of the mess that that runs around in my head. I have found that this place is a good place for me to put the thoughts down, it seems to help, yes it is still a messes in side me, but it is less than it was.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#194 - 12/28/06 03:06 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1303
Loc: Northern Ohio
As ScottyTodd said, & to state in a different way...
Abuse IS about power. Weather the abuse takes the form of sex, beatings, starving, or belittling comments.


Though while I agree with you in general ScottyTodd, I have to also bring caution to a generalization you have made.
I greatly doubt you meant to imply this, but lets point out that.....
A Sexually Abused child does Not usually become an abuser himself. A very small % of SA children ever grow up to abuse other children. Ken Singer or Lloydy are like to have the stats on that.

And Not talking about your abuse doesn't mean your going to act out or be abusive.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#195 - 12/28/06 05:16 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Blacken - You are absolutely right that the greater majority of abuse victims inevitably do not go on to offend!! Please don't ever think I say victims will always go on to perp sex offenses. There is a great range between stats of victims becoming abusers; however, I go with about 40% of victims become abusers themselves. Stats on identified sex offenders (those caught for sexually offending)being childhood sexual victims is very high [maybe 70%]. The last stat I read on juveniles in delinquint placements, at least 50% had experienced some sort of childhood abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, etc.). 60% plus of sexual victims do not ever offend!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

Top
#196 - 12/28/06 10:12 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Hi Clifford , I was raped by two complete strangers back in 1999. I went home shortly after it happened and tried to figure out what had happened, but could not reason it with myself so I buried it and tried to control the nightmares.

I never went mountain biking again, in fact i put a hacksaw to my bike and cut it up - i regret doing that now. I keep thinking was it the clothes I had on? etc... but reading that article has started to make things clearer.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#197 - 12/28/06 04:41 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Duncan, try to not blow too many fuses at once.
Its easy to burn yourself out,

ribbit,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#198 - 12/29/06 08:39 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Duncan,

I can't speak for your perps but I can say that the old proverbs based on numerous psychological evaluations recorded by the APA over the years have stated that rape is prodominantly a control thing. The perps record a feeling of being almost godlike while committing their crimes.

Theories of Mic Hunter, Laura Davis, and even myself state that these feelings of control that rapists desire are derived to compensate for the lack of control they have over themselves and their own lives. Taking control of someone else is a temporary killing of that pain similar to drug abuse or alcoholism just much worse because it involves victims.

I don't know these people or you personally, but i would probably bet that those who hurt you are probably in more pain than you. Now, I am not by any means empathizing with those criminals. They deserve to suffer and pay for what they've done to you. However, many assailants that are similar to those you've described are going down an endless spiral of despair and pain and probably will continue to do so until they die. You on the other hand seem to be going the opposite direction and I firmly believe that you will beat this. Stay strong, you are in my prayers. Much love to you my friend.

Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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