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#197999 - 01/05/08 04:32 AM why cant i fight him in my dreams?
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
it's almost 4:30am. i just woke up from another really bad nightmare. i want to sleep so bad cause i'm so tired, but i just cant get back to sleep. i'm scared to go back to sleep cause these nightmares seem so real. as usual, i peed the freakin bed. gawd! i feel such a wreck and so lost. i just cant figure it out sometimes and i really wanna talk to my grandpa but dont wanna wake him. i was away with my aunt and uncle for the last three days and he's had to take care of my grandmom all by himself and i wanna make sure he gets some rest. there's nobody in the chatroom ofcourse. i called the stupid rainn hotline and they put me on hold for 15 minutes. its a good thing i'm not on the verge of suicide. that would probly take them another 15 minutes to transfer me to the suicide hotline.

i really need somebody right now. it kinda sounds dumb, but i feel like just kinda holdin on to somebody right now. i think i need a hug that lasts like an hour. i'm such a mess. i'm tired of dealing with this stuff. i just want it all to go away and leave me alone for good. i just feel like its gettin to the point that i just cant handle it and its not fair.

how come in my nightmares i cant fight back? why cant i have a nightmare where i have like a gun or somethin and i can shoot him to make him stop? this sux! i couldnt do anythin about it when he was fuckin me and i cant even do anythin bout it in my dreams. i'm in tears right now. i just cant handle it. sorry


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#198008 - 01/05/08 08:29 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: JasonSmalls]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Joey,

There are so many things to say to you here - I hardly know where to begin. One is to let you know you have nothing to apologize for. This stuff gets rough sometimes and you are doing the right thing by tlaking about it.

As a father myself I can tell you with 100% certainty that when you wake up in the night after a bad dream, feeling lost and a wreck and having peed the bed again, you should just go straight to your Grandpa and wake him up. He loves you and cares about you Joey; he would want you to do that. The last thing he would want you to do is stand there in your room afraid, lonely, mixed up and looking at a wet bed. When my son had problems I was always happy when he came and woke me up; him feeling safe and okay was always a lot more important than my sleep.

We all need hugs Joey; what you say doesn't sound dumb at all. It's great you can admit and say what you need. And there's another reason to go talk to your Grandpa when you feel this way. He sounds like a great guy and I bet he would always be willing to give you the hugs you need.

When you have a nightmare there are things you can do. For one thing, don't lay in the dark. Get up and move round and show yourself that the nightmare wasn't real. You really are in your room and you're safe now. Do something calming and relaxing for awhile, like reading or listening to music. Maybe make a cup of tea or get a glass of milk. But relax and calm down, then try to go back to sleep.

When you have a dream that keeps coming back, another thing you can do is finish it with an ending that you like. It can be as realistic or spacey as you want - but think of a cool ending. For example, you lure the abuser into a space rocket, then slam the hatch shut on him and blast the rocket into deep space. Think through the whole dream now, but with your cool new ending. This should solve the problem of the bad dream; since you have ended it with a conclusion you like, your mind is less likely to dig it up next time you dream. But if it does, just think through the dream again with your own ending and keep doing that. This usually helps with recurring bad dreams.

Much love,
Larry

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#198015 - 01/05/08 09:11 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: roadrunner]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Jason, I would be disappointed if my son, or grandson was in that musch pain and didn't come to me. I'm with Larry, I felt very nurturing when I could comfort my son. I wish I could send my fatherly arms to you now, hold you and let you feel the comfort of safe,loving protection.
Awesome idea Larry, I think I'll use that even for tcome of the depressing thoughts I have when I'm awake. Shoot the jerk into deep space :-)

Thanks,

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#198020 - 01/05/08 10:22 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: dancr6]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Your post made me cry, Jason.

Much of my childhood abuse came from the shame that my mother pushed upon me as a result of wetting my bed. There should be no shame in that.

None at all.

I used to not be able to fight my mother in my dreams, either. I had no voice in these dreams. I'd open my mouth, and all that would come out would be a hiss of air. These dreams were some of the worst I have ever had to deal with.

The reason why you can't fight him in your dreams is, unfortunately, because he still has some psychological control over you. What you are doing right now by posting the way you feel and by working through what he did to you is overcoming this control. I know, it's hard to do. It takes time. However, rest assured that it is possible. One day, you are going to dream about this monster with the ability to fight back. You might wake up quite shaken by the confrontation, but you will slowly start to feel more and more power over him until all that remains is the horrible things he did to you.

I hope you don't mind if I cried with you this morning. Your posts just hit so close to home for me in some ways.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#198022 - 01/05/08 10:48 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: BJK]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6358
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Joey,

You have a great resource there with your Grandfather. He's one very strong guy. He would want you to wake him up.

Sorry I read this so late, I was actually up then, but did not go to MS. I had a bad feeling that I should have gone to the chatroom.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#198030 - 01/05/08 11:20 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: Still]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Jason,
I think Bryan is right about the dream. My re-occuring dream was that I was being chased and my legs were heavy and just couldn't run fast enough to get away. Then after years of the dream, I had the same dream but when it came time to run I found that I could fly, skimming the earth at an incredible speed. It was a great feeling.

Dan

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#198032 - 01/05/08 11:22 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: Still]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Jason,

You will have a dream in which you will fight, will not run, and you will feel victorious.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#198042 - 01/05/08 11:52 AM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: alexey]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Jason:

I really know so much what you are going through. My nightmares I wake up screaming because I feel I am going to die. I was forced and threatened during my abuse from my brother. It is really horrible.

I think Bryan above is correct in saying a day will come when WE/I will be in charge and not our perps. I just hope that day comes soon.

I also want to mention that I did attend a trauma/therapy class for 3 weeks that dealt with nightmares and flashbacks. I did learn how to ground myself when these nightmares occurred. It did help when I awake from the dreams, but it does nothing for me to not have the dreams.

My diagnosis of PTSD confirms that this crap does have to come out and then we can deal with it.

Hope this helps a little.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#198070 - 01/05/08 02:50 PM Re: why cant i fight him in my dreams? [Re: KENKEN]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Joey,

I think that Bryan and Larry are totally right. I don't have children but I know if I di I would want them to see me about dreams that are that frightening. You've been though so much, for so long, and so recently.... I think most any of us would be scared. So please don't feel bad about yourself for that.

I really think you will be fighting back in your dreams, cuz you are already fighting back in real life.

Keith


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