i have mentally dealt with how I view myself as a man
Although I don't question my sexuality, I can't say that I've made it to the stage of mentally dealing with how I view myself as a man.
My father instilled a lot of what I now know to be misconceptions about manhood; perhaps a subject of many posts on this board. More confusing was that I identified as gay and thought for a while that while others in school called me names, I thought if they could "see" that I was gay then they could also see that I've been abused sexually by my mother. I thought the two went hand-in-hand.
I concur with JO and know first hand that, for me, recovery is a nonlinear process. When the day is done, though, I have to say I always seem to come out ahead--I work through the moments as they come up and try to enjoy my life when I get a reprieve.
I hope you can find your answer,