Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
beginning (34), Gary H. (41), jewelmom (63), kdg2310 (55), Li Yuki (2014), monarchnaps (36), Neverquit (30), Nord (58), SoSad (45)
Who's Online
3 registered (Dewey, PabloV, 1 invisible), 28 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63782 Topics
445403 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#197307 - 12/30/07 06:51 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: AndyJB2005]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Wow, is this thread giving me some things to ponder and explore...

Keep up the good work, guys!

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#197557 - 01/01/08 04:37 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: dannym]
Eric5 Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Pennsylvania, USA
another good question. i dont have sex with anyone. i am a virgin as far as i know. so, for now, i'm safe from std's or bringing others into it. normal or not? dont know. its just how I am surviving.


Top
#197566 - 01/01/08 05:13 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: Eric5]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Excellent discussion. I've avoided this thread for some reason till today.

I think for me, because of the really messed up things that happened to me, I have chosen to look at it from the standpoint of "What is good for my marriage?" If any sexual activity interferer's with or is destructive to that, then I draw the line. The way I figure it, I've got a great lady, something which I never ever figured I'd be able to have, and if I choose to deliberately to something sexual that endangers that, then I've done something really stupid!

Perhaps if I'd not been abused it would be easier to ask the question as "What is good for me and what isn't?" but at this point in my life the other is simpler for my pea brain to figure out \:D

I guess that's another way of saying I know which side my bread is buttered on, eh?

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#197623 - 01/02/08 09:33 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: WalkingSouth]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i dont think there is a universal answer. i think so much depends on the person and his feelings. if we all listed out our sexual habbits you would probably get a great range. some have a lot of sex. some only have sex when in relationships. some dont have sex at all. so if you ask someone who doesn't have sex, "am i acting out if i have sex once a week?" then to that person, that might seem extreme. but if you ask someone who has sex every day, then the answer would be "probably not." im not saying that it is all based on the amount of sex a person has, but more that people are all coming from different persepctives. at the end of the day, it comes down to you, and how you feel. if you have sex 4892 times a day and are okay with it, then more power to you.


Top
#197632 - 01/02/08 12:29 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: cbfull]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
You guys really come up with some good ones...

I'm with cbfull.

I am confused about what acting out is for me. It's not particularly doing something I shouldn't, or that harms me or others. I'm rather controlled in my behavior. More like, knowing how I feel, knowing my motives, being able to make choices from a full range of options.

Originally Posted By: dancr6
I remember meeting a man that I admired. I was sure that he would never like someone like me so my thoughts went to seducing him,
gratefully I caught hold of myself before I acted out and soon after was able to accurately see what was going on in my head.


So, what was going on in your head?

So, it's like, attention, approval got confused with sexual expression unconsciously. I got that. So how do you, did you, untangle these things? It's like, I don't know I have the choice to be close, even physically close, or touch but not sexually, without it being the sexual sedution and sex>
_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#197704 - 01/02/08 11:20 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: LandOfShadow]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
is it acting out to have a wife and family a totaly straight lifestyle ,but to not be able to control an urge to have sex with a man? to feel it build inside untill i have to do something ? risking everything and feeling like a piece of shit after?


Top
#197753 - 01/03/08 12:24 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: evanesence]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I guess I don't really know, but I wonder... Do you know what's really going on with you, what you feel and want and get out of this sex with a man stuff? Cause the feeling like shit after sounds rough. What's going on there?

This sounds really troubling, and you have my sympathy.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#197756 - 01/03/08 12:42 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: LandOfShadow]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Dan, my friend.

I doubt I can add anything beyond what others have said, but I do want to thank you for the topic. With me, sometimes I feel bad afterwards, sometimes I don't - under similar conditions - so I can't go strictly by how I feel.

A related question might be: "Is it ever acceptable to act out?"

M

PS - this would make a FUN topic for a support group ... (hint hint)




Top
#197778 - 01/03/08 04:12 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: MarkK]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Mark and Dan

Yea, this would be a great topic for our group.

This topic sure is on my mind alot lately. I have not acted out for now almost 6 months.

But the thoughts are always there.

For me it is the control issue that I have to always remember. I can control what I do, act out, etc. I know what I did when I acted out was wrong. And I felt like shit when all was said and done too. But then, why or why do the feelings, emotions I have at times want to "act out" again?

I know it has to do with my CSA. I just have to continue to find coping skills to get over those feelings of excitement when I think of doing something that would wrect all that I have been doing to get better.

My 2 cents says that acting out is wrong, especially the acting out that I did was wrong. Guess I can't say all acting out is bad.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

Top
#197788 - 01/03/08 06:15 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: KENKEN]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
responding to landofshadow mostly; what was in my head was the knowledge (from experience) that I had a tendency to sexualize any attraction. when I was younger I didn't know about such things and the couple of times I gave into the confused thinking, I realized that what I thought was a sexual desire wasn't followed up with the pleasure I expected, instead I had to say "I'm sorry I'm really not into this" after a couple of times of this I read about the phenomenon of sexualizing attractions and started catching hold sooner and waiting for the realization of the qualities in the person that I was attracted to but interperating as sexual. After that it was like quitting smoking, I knew that the urge would pass and I just had to wait it out.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.