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#197858 - 01/04/08 10:20 AM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: LandOfShadow]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I think he means Same Sex Attraction?

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Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#197877 - 01/04/08 12:37 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: cbfull]
Eric5 Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Pennsylvania, USA
I read a book about this once. It was called 'Coming Out Straight' and was written by an ex-homosexual man. The theme of the book was healing. It's position is that men who grow up without a father figure are more likely to be homosexual due to the need to identify with their gender. The yearning for a father figure becomes a sexual need and some homosexuals feel satisfied when they have sex with other men. Others fall apart, feel guilty.

The book was easy to read and well written. I dont agree with everything it says but I do see how people troubled with their orientation can get relief - By allowing themselves to realize that their lack of a nurturing father was not their fault and they do not have to call themselves gay for needing what every man a needs.

Links:
http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Straight-Understanding-Homosexuality/dp/1886939470

http://www.arr-the-kraken.com/straight/


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#198034 - 01/05/08 11:31 AM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: Eric5]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Thanks Eric,

This makes sense to me. Still Irealize that is one valid and possible explanation.

Alexey

_________________________
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When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#198074 - 01/05/08 03:27 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: alexey]
VictoryisRs Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/13/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Seattle, WA
I don't completely buy into the 'absent father' theory. IF we took a survey of every man who claimed to have a rotten/distant relationship w/ his father, I would guess it would be a lot of guys. If only 10% of the population is gay,then these figures would not bear out. Same w/ sexual abuse. If 20% of the population has been a victim of CSA, then we should expect 20% occurence of homosexuality across the spectrum. I have 3 friends who are gay and all of them have a gay brother. None were sexually abused. The more IMPORTANT question I think is to ask-how do you live your life and contribute to society? There is no single answer to empirically state without doubt, what causes homosexuality. The religious right would have us think otherwise. I know they mean well and try to view this compassionately, but they do not have the right to be the morality police and define what's right for everyone.


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#198097 - 01/05/08 05:56 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: alexey]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 795
Loc: North Texas
Hi Alexey, its my understanding that the overbearing mother/distant father, psychological theory had pretty much been disproved.

While this book is getting old, it is a good start on the subject. The Sexual Brain by Simon LeVay Try and get it at your library.
In general, they are now leaning towards, a gay gene, or several genes that when combined causes a gay person. The other theory is that something goes wrong inside the mothers Womb while she is pregnant. Ether way there would be no choose for the person who is gay.

Edit, here is a good article about it. What Makes People Gay? By Neil Swidey | August 14, 2005

Take care,
Clifford



Edited by lostcowboy (01/05/08 07:25 PM)
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#198098 - 01/05/08 06:04 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: lostcowboy]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
something goes wrong?wow sounds kinda homophobic to me ! not your response cowboy ,just the theroy.


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#198106 - 01/05/08 07:46 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: evanesence]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 795
Loc: North Texas
Hi Evanesence, if it sounds kinda homophobic, that must be my homophobic leaking through. In real life I stay away from gay men, if possible. Even though I was attracted to and had a affair with a gay man. He has been the only man I was attracted to so far, took me totally by surprise, that my fear of him could turn into attraction. Even with all that, I still fear and stay away from gay men.
I edited the post above, added a link to a article, please read.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#198118 - 01/05/08 08:46 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: lostcowboy]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10946
Loc: Denver, CO
I have a question from this thread that I hope will not raise a bunch of ire:

Jarrad said the following, and I've heard other examples stated in the past by others....

"they knew he was gay as young as 5"

I seriously doubt this boy was sexually attracted to other boys at 5, since sex/puberty is nowhere in site at 5 years old. How did they "know" he was gay? What does this mean?



Edited by FormerTexan (01/05/08 08:54 PM)
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#198127 - 01/05/08 10:37 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: FormerTexan]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
i'm not gay either ,it's just hard to believe anyone would try to say it was something wrong with the mothers body ,that made somebody gay ,what if your bisexual ?mother must have dropped you on your head ?it's kinda funny really ,but if i was gay it would piss me off.


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#198133 - 01/05/08 11:47 PM Re: A difficult question to me about homosexuality [Re: evanesence]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I guess it depends if you are going to persecute an entire large group of people for something that happens "naturally", i.e. "goes wrong". Lot's of things "go wrong" with people. Do we persecute people with poor vision, cleft palate, hemophilia, etc.??

What pisses me off is the political fear mongering (they want your children!!), the extreme prejudices and fears without factual basis, and ignorance (fears of catching AIDS by touching, etc). That's what has gone wrong. Same sex attraction is just a natural phenomena, for whatever cause.

Looking for causes in our culture is usually prejudice in disguise.

As for "they knew he was gay as young as 5", people seem to mean, looking back, they and/or others recognized something different in themselves, often something about accepting gender roles. The boy who loves to dress up in costumes, somewhat feminine or sissy, likes dolls. Or the girl who liked playing with trucks in the sandbox, tomboys. Didn't work for me. Nothing's simple here.

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Paul Eluard

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