The following is what I have learned from a great book that I recommend: Richard Gartner PhD, 'Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse' (2005). The author is a psychologist. I have started therapy, group therapy and the like, but nothing has helped as much as spirituality.

I always wondered about my compulsions. At page 187-188, Gartner lists various symptoms, and this is what I have had for many years (the list has others):
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low Self-Esteem
- Shame
- Guilt
- Loneliness
- Social Isolation
- Difficulty finding a relationship
- Inability to maintain meaningful relationships
- Compulsive behaviour ... such as seeking anonymous sexual partners, ... incessant trips to massage parlours.
- Workaholism
- Emotional numbness and constriction
- Outburts of rage
- Former drug abuse

At page 159 Gartner notes, "yet for many people, beleif systems, especially religious ones, are precious and life sustaining. They keep them centered, ethical, and able to overcome whatever obstacles they encounter... some people find an alternative religion or a more liberal sect within their own religion with which they can feel comfortable identifying... it's important to decide what you believe - to be aware of a coherent psychological, philosophical, ethical, religious, scientific, or mystic formulation that helps you navigate the world".

BUT, this passage hit the hardest also at page 159: "Without a belief system, you're a candle in the wind. Without purpose or reason, you'll be either passive or impulsive. Either way, you may leave yourself open to re-victimisation".

I have started attending Church (catholic). It is amazing to have a belief system. It really has helped a lot.

Thanks, just wanted to let that out

Good job, Grav! It's good to find something to believe in that makes sense to you. It really does help -- if anything, just to get out of the house and meet people. But certainly a lot more.

Hey,

Yes that was a very powerful book for me as well. You do know that Dr. Gartner was a President of this ORG at one time. And yes I have found a strong belief system does help lots of us. I know for me I had a belief in God, but was very angry at Him for "letting" me be abused. I grew up being taught that Satan can not and will not "test" you unless he has direct permission from God himself (See book of Job for there reasoning behind this teaching). So for all of my childhood I believed that God was testing me, that Satan had asked him if this was "ok" and he said "sure" let him be abused. So because of this teaching I felt I had upset God somehow and this was my punishment. After all God punishing those he loves and as the song says "Jeuse loves the little children" As I grew and studied the bible and came to my own understanding of what it says but not taking any "mans" word for it's meaning I relized that it wasn't god I should be mad at but satan. Letting go of that anger towards god seemed to be a major step in my recovery. Now I didn't feel as if I was fighting this (satan) alone. I had god's help beside me. Kind of like the poem "Footprints"

Sorry to ramble
James

We get angry with God since it is easy to yell at the
unseen who is not going to punch us in the face for yelling. Gotta blame something or someone.

For me, there has to be something greater than I am. Trust is a big issue with me, at least trust in humans since I have been hurt too many times. So I have to trust in something, even if it's the tooth fairy because if I don't I will despair and give up. For me that means death.

So I do look for the goodness and love in others, for me that is a manifestation of God, in addition to Nature which is a reflection of the Divine.

Or as they say in AA, "Keep it simple." Growth is slow but it does happen.

froggy aka gg