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#197344 - 12/31/07 08:33 AM Your Opinions Please, May Trigger
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
edited out. thanks.



Edited by FWMB (01/02/08 09:29 PM)

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#197346 - 12/31/07 08:40 AM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i guess my question to you is why i matters if your son's perp was also a vicitim himself? a lot of the time people who sexually abuse other people were at one time a victim. (im sure some of the other guys here can pull numbers out on the stats.)

are you trying to wrap your brain around it in search of forgiveness? and by knowing he was also abuse it would help in that process? if he was abused and there are no records of it, i don't think there is a check mark list to identify a victim. i think the only way for you to find that out is if he tells you.

but i could be wrong.


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#197349 - 12/31/07 09:10 AM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger *DELETED* [Re: Jarrad]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
Post deleted by FWMB


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#197351 - 12/31/07 09:18 AM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: Jarrad]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5779
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
F:
I've evaluated and treated juvenile offenders for nearly 30 years. The statement of a psychiatrist (or any professional) to say that someone would NOT offend is a bit out out there. The risk assessment measures do not say "never" or "none" when it comes to measuring risk. It may turn out years later that the kid was a one-time offender, but one would not know or predict it at this point.

Aside from getting your son the help he needs with a competent and experienced therapist, concerns about the abuser might be:
a) has he been charged or is directed into therapy with some external leverage? (probation, child protective services court order, etc)

b) if so, is he being evaluated by a specialist? (doesn't matter if the person is a psychiatrist, psychologist, or clinical social worker-- the key is in the person's training and experience)

c) what risk assessment measure was used to determine the level of risk? with juveniles, most popular measures are JSOAP-II and the ERASOR evaluation tools. If he was evaluated by just a clinical interview or regular psychological testing (these do not objectively measure risk as the aforementioned tools do), it was not the best way to evalutate such a youth.

Most importantly is to get the help for your son. Belief and support by key family members are vital for the victim to heal.

If you want to pm me with your location, I may be able to recommend someone for your son or to talk with about the abuser.

Ken
Good luck


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#197357 - 12/31/07 09:48 AM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
FWMB

I too was a victim of older boys (4 years older). It went on for many years. They knew it was wrong, yet they continued because they knew they had NO chance of getting caught, and even if they did get caught, it would have been my fault (long story for another time).

What I know about boy-offenders is rather deep and personal. I can tell you that their evil ways can be driven by multiple sources. Of my four perps, one had an abusive father (I think). ALL four were brainwashed into a mode of entitilement by an overly agressive small-town sports program infrastructure. That is, the school, coaches, their fathers and the excessive public praise made them into perfect machines for abusing others. They were Jr. Gladiators of the town...destined for greatness.

I was a weak, small kid who had no back-up in life. So through the natural order of animal behaviour, I became their prey.

The fact that court system (in your son's case) has failed to protect society is evidence that the justice system in this country is cowardly. They know this little perv will offend again. We ALL know he will. Its destined to happen.

What can you do? Legally...nothing! Covertly, something (anonymous letters to the employer, school, etc). Criminally, you can end it for good.

Unfortunately for you, you live with this knowledge that its gonna happen again. Yet your hands are leaglly tied. You stand to lose everything if you act effectively. Maybe a bus or car sliding on ice will remove this probelm from our earth for us.

But you've got your own severely injured boy to save. I say focus on him...not this evil creep.

DISCLAIMER: Rob Brown, The MS site and its members in no way advocate crimnal behaviour or violence against anyone at any time.



_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

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#197378 - 12/31/07 11:42 AM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger *DELETED* [Re: Still]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
Post deleted by FWMB


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#197390 - 12/31/07 12:34 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: FWMB
Our son continues to be quite verbal and quite determined this will not happen to others, and we remain deeply committed to loving him and helping him with every tool we can find, and all that we can learn.


That's the best thing I've heard in a long time. You are great parents! He's quite a little guy too!

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

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The Water Buffalo Song

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#197402 - 12/31/07 01:56 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
evanescentjoy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 46
Hello, and welcome to the forum.

I agree with what has already been said and will add one more thing -

One need only look at the lifelong effects of the abuse, even with a juvenile offender, to see that there must be intervention. My brother was abused by a neighbor child who was only a couple years older than him, but the effects have been lasting and devastating.

I'm very sorry to hear that your son has been hurt this way, but I am glad to hear that you are aware of it and that your son and the offender can both get the help they need.

My brother was abused in the past and went on to become an offender. If he had been in a climate in which he could tell someone about his abuse sooner, perhaps he could have gotten the help he so desperately needed. This is not, of course, to imply that all survivors become offenders (The Vampaire Bite Theory).

It is my opinion that the offender requires treatment and that there is no way that the psychiatrist can predict that he will not offend again. He seems like a very damaged, confused teenager and needs help.

_________________________
"Become who you are." -Nietzsche

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#197413 - 12/31/07 03:49 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: evanescentjoy]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5779
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Couple of points....

Robbie wrote:
"The fact that court system (in your son's case) has failed to protect society is evidence that the justice system in this country is cowardly. They know this little perv will offend again. We ALL know he will. Its destined to happen."

Without knowing the details of this case, it is difficult to predict future behaviors. However, having worked with thousands of juveniles who committed sexual offenses, a very small handful have been reported to re-offend as juveniles, and occasionally I get reports of a couple of them over the years, now adults, having been arrested for a new sexual offense. Suffice to say (obviously we don't know about the ones who don't get caught), my experience is that the vast majority who get sex offense-specific treatment DON'T go on to re-offend.

From F's de>

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#197417 - 12/31/07 04:19 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Sorry if I'm over-stating juvenile recidivism Ken. Based upon my experience, they keep on going as long as they can get away with it.

Reading between the lines of FW's de>


Edited by Robbie Brown (12/31/07 04:28 PM)
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

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#197430 - 12/31/07 04:52 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: Still]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
FWMB,

I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. Huge pats on the backs to you and your husband for believing and being there for your son and especially to your son for having the courage to tell you.

I can understand your desire to keep other children safe from the boy who hurt your son; I'd feel the same way. But I don't know what you can really do other than to be vigilant. If you know he has access to other children when he shouldn't, perhaps advise the police officer(s) who were involved in your son's case so that they can keep an eye on things or stop the contact if it's outside the bounds of what he was ordered to do.

I wish I had something else, but I don't. I can only offer our support for you and yours when you ask for it.

ROCK ON..........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#197442 - 12/31/07 05:26 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger *DELETED* [Re: Still]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
Post deleted by FWMB


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#197458 - 12/31/07 07:39 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Website links to porn???? VIOLATION of Parole!!! Don't let this one go. He may have just provided his own bus-ride to jail.

This behaviour certainly does not smack of a reformed or safe teen.

This one's got me flippin right out!!!! Holy God!!!

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#197478 - 12/31/07 09:44 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger *DELETED* [Re: Still]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
Post deleted by FWMB



Edited by FWMB (12/31/07 09:45 PM)

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#197482 - 12/31/07 10:06 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Dont hesitate to call on us in the future FW.

There's a ton of people here willing to help.

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#197483 - 12/31/07 10:08 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: FWMB
I will say that he links his online (open to the public) page to a man from another country who has literally thousands of pictures of men and young men (MANY look underage) engaging in a variety of sexual things. I have turned this over to the P.D.

I'm in agreement with Robbie that this may well be a parole violation. Actively pursue it. Don't wait around for them to report back to you. Even though the police were very responsive to you upon first report, this report is relatively minor in comparison to many other things they have to deal with everyday and as well meaning as they are this may well fall through the cracks so stay on top of it.

Lots of love,

John


_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#197484 - 12/31/07 10:11 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger *DELETED* [Re: WalkingSouth]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
Post deleted by FWMB


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#197645 - 01/02/08 01:40 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear FW,
I am so sorry your son has gone through this. He is deeply fortunate, all the same, to have parents to pay attention to this and to help him recover. Wish we all could say that--! Blessings to all of you on your journey.
My comment may seem off-the-wall, but I make it seriously, for you to use as you please.
Have you considered filing a civil suit against the parents? I am not a lawyer, and I do appreciate the pitfalls of entering the system from yet another angle. However, sometimes people take the possibility of losing money much more seriously than they take criminal charges, sadly enough, and since the parents cannot (I assume) be held criminally liable in the form of negligence, I wonder whether you don't have another course of action open to you this way. It's long past time for them to be paying serious heed to the danger their son poses to other children, and highly irresponsible at best for them to continue to pretend otherwise, and grant him this kind of access. Their tacit endorsement of this website seems indicative of some serious dereliction.
Peace,
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#197647 - 01/02/08 02:08 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: honey girl]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
AMEN HoneyGirl!!!!!

That family scares the living s%$# out of me. They need a wake-up slap....NOW!

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#197655 - 01/02/08 04:25 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger *DELETED* [Re: Still]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
Post deleted by FWMB



Edited by FWMB (01/02/08 04:28 PM)

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#197671 - 01/02/08 07:44 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: FWMB]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: FWMB
By the way, (and yes this is approved) the parent has a small in-home daycare.


Oh Lord! This just keeps getting better and better. I give up.

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#197686 - 01/02/08 09:27 PM Re: Your Opinions Please, May Trigger [Re: Still]
FWMB Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 19
I know Robbie, I know whatcha mean. Its been an exercise in confusion to wrap my head around. I'm going to delete all of these details now, but I do want to thank you all. Blessings to each of you!


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