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#197289 - 12/30/07 04:56 PM ME & MY p
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
ME & MY p

I love you is what I thought he* meant
But it was more lie than Love

Perhaps I’m being too harsh on him
“he had his issues too”

Should I gently lean over and say once again,
“Your first touch was so gentle
I’ve never felt love before;
Won’t you touch me with warmth once more?”

AAAAAAAAHHHHouch !!!!!

that’s not what I meant
when I said “yes” to your* offer of love
Stating your intentions in a manner
a six year old could understand
Is what a loving fellow creature might have done
Had I understood what you wanted of me
I would have gracefully bowed
but declined your intentions
and assisted with you getting a guide
to clarify your thinking about how we treat our young.

WE ARE OF THE SAME HERD;
And we feed OUTSIDE our herd!




* I chose in which person I will address him

He’s in MY
brain and I run the show in this
"neck-of-the-woods!!!!!"


_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#197377 - 12/31/07 11:22 AM Re: ME & MY p [Re: dancr6]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dan,

Originally Posted By: dancr6
I love you is what I thought he* meant
But it was more lie than Love

Perhaps I’m being too harsh on him
“he had his issues too”


No, you're not being too hard on him. He was the adult. It was his job to honor your trust and keep you safe. The lies he told you are some of the cheapest and cruelest I have ever heard, man.

If you feel a connection with him and want to hold onto it, that's your right. But no need to give him any break for the lies - that's all they were. He stands accountable for that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#197381 - 12/31/07 12:02 PM Re: ME & MY p [Re: roadrunner]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
You're right Larry, He was the adult so he was the responsible one, he was a good groomer which is not a quality one could brag about. I was a lonely little guy, he offered me the very thing that my spirit needed and then pounced. That fits my definition of evil.
I do not feel a connection with him. His face was in my mind every day of my life until six years ago when I called him to ask what he thought about what he did to me. I no longer see his image in my mind and do NOT miss it.

Thanks, Larry
Lovingly,
Dan

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#197429 - 12/31/07 04:52 PM Re: ME & MY p [Re: dancr6]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dan,

That's what we call "getting the abuser out of your head". Well done. ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#197531 - 01/01/08 01:09 PM Re: ME & MY p [Re: roadrunner]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Thanks, Larry.
So many things that I thought were uncommon and just me, I'm finding out are very common and even prevalent among survivors.
I have to admit that when I first come on the site I was fearful that constantly reminding myself that I had been a victim might keep me in that mindset but I decided to stick it out for a while to "trust" the site. It has paid off, in a big way. So many things that have passed through my head have been validated here. I will see my T next Sunday and it will be the first time since I found this site. I can't wait to hear her comments. I have trusted her for a year+ and she has never let me down, she always pulls the core thoughts or feelings out of my ramblings.
Back to the original thought: hearing that there is a phrase for what I have felt is, for some reason, reassuring.

Thanks again,
Lovingy,
Dan

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#197542 - 01/01/08 03:42 PM Re: ME & MY p [Re: dancr6]
VictoryisRs Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/13/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Seattle, WA
I've read the thread here, and am pulled esp. by the words 'getting the abuser out of your head'. I thought I had done that 5 years ago when I sent what I call a 'letter of forgiveness' to my uncle, who abused me when I was 5 years old. It was somewhat confrontive, but also compassionate. I told him that I hoped he was able to move on and forgive himself, as he's somewhat isolated himself from the family (even though he lives in the same neighborhood as my parents!) Accompanying the letter, I also sent him a copy of the book "Victims No Longer". One year at Thanksgiving, he thanked me for the book and letter and said he'd respond 'soon' to my letter. To this day, he never has. I can only guess that he's still either avoiding his own pain, or feels too guilty to respond. I feel pity for him. I know my own recovery does not depend on his validating my anger or that I will ever experience any sort or reconciliation with him, but at times--esp. when I tell myself I have--I cannot get him 'out of my head'.


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