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#197183 - 12/30/07 12:15 AM Acting Out
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
As survivors, where do we draw the line between "acting out" sexually, and following legitimate sexual attractions.... how thin is the line. I thought I knew, but recently am questioning myself - Thanks

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#197194 - 12/30/07 04:03 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: dannym]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Join the club. I have trouble knowing the difference myself, it's a very troubling question, bringing the topic here is an excellent way to get through it. Bring any concerns or feelings here and you will likely get a fair amount of excellent insight.

Speaking from experience here.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#197203 - 12/30/07 04:52 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: cbfull]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I think one is about having sex the other is about having a relationship

love
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#197212 - 12/30/07 07:23 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: mogigo]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dan,

I think it would depend on what your motives are for having sex. If you are doing that - or drinking or getting high - in order to seek relief from your problems, if it feels like you are compensating for something, then you may be acing out.

Think also about how you feel afterwards. If you feel bad about yourself, but then feel tempted to do the same thing later on, then again it may be part of the cycle of acting out.

This is a great question. If you are in therapy it would be a good one to discuss at length with your T.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#197249 - 12/30/07 11:09 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: roadrunner]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia

"Think also about how you feel afterwards. If you feel bad about yourself, but then feel tempted to do the same thing later on, then again it may be part of the cycle of acting out."

Larry, I think you're right on with that statement, and also, your first sentence, "what your motives are for having sex".

I'm glad that I have good control over what I now act on because I remember meeting a man that I admired. I was sure that he would never like someone like me so my thoughts went to seducing him,
gratefully I caught hold of myself before I acted out and soon after was able to accurately see what was going on in my head.

It was not sexual attraction but acting on one of the lessons my perp unknowingly taught me.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#197251 - 12/30/07 11:38 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: dancr6]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I want to have sex all the time. I don't know if it's because of the abuse or because I'm a teenager, or because I'm gay or what. I just think about sex constantly. I dunno if my aswer has anything to do with your question, but I thought it might.
See ya!


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#197252 - 12/30/07 12:25 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: JasonSmalls]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Being a teenager your hormones are probably all over the place. I don't think its all that unusual to want to have sex. When it becomes obsessive that it may be a problem. I'm still new to the whole csa world. I sometimes wonder the same thing myself. There are times when I wonder the same thing, if its acting out or just normal. Larry I think has a good answer "how do I feel after?"
Weather its with a partner or not. If I feel bad after I have to look at my motives.
Was I depressed or under stress? Was I fantasizing about my abuse?
What was going on in my head before, during , and after?
It's not always clear to me, and it takes work.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#197255 - 12/30/07 12:56 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: GateKPR4]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Dan, I think the indicator is whether you feel sorry and sad after the sex, or not. That could indicate if your sexual behaviour was healthy.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#197259 - 12/30/07 01:21 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: alexey]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Larry, I just read your reply to danbuff from 28/12/07 and it sounds to me that you gave an outstanding comment on the difference!!!!!

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#197276 - 12/30/07 03:36 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: dancr6]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I acted out -- or "relived" -- my abuse like crazy in 4th, 5th and 6th grade...and pretty much lost a lot of friends because of it. Especially my best friend at the time. I never knew why he stopped talking to me in 6th grade until I was older. I can imagine it was uncomfy for him. \:\(

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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