Wow, is this thread giving me some things to ponder and explore...

Keep up the good work, guys!

another good question. i dont have sex with anyone. i am a virgin as far as i know. so, for now, i'm safe from std's or bringing others into it. normal or not? dont know. its just how I am surviving.

Excellent discussion. I've avoided this thread for some reason till today.

I think for me, because of the really messed up things that happened to me, I have chosen to look at it from the standpoint of "What is good for my marriage?" If any sexual activity interferer's with or is destructive to that, then I draw the line. The way I figure it, I've got a great lady, something which I never ever figured I'd be able to have, and if I choose to deliberately to something sexual that endangers that, then I've done something really stupid!

Perhaps if I'd not been abused it would be easier to ask the question as "What is good for me and what isn't?" but at this point in my life the other is simpler for my pea brain to figure out

I guess that's another way of saying I know which side my bread is buttered on, eh?

Lots of love,

John

i dont think there is a universal answer. i think so much depends on the person and his feelings. if we all listed out our sexual habbits you would probably get a great range. some have a lot of sex. some only have sex when in relationships. some dont have sex at all. so if you ask someone who doesn't have sex, "am i acting out if i have sex once a week?" then to that person, that might seem extreme. but if you ask someone who has sex every day, then the answer would be "probably not." im not saying that it is all based on the amount of sex a person has, but more that people are all coming from different persepctives. at the end of the day, it comes down to you, and how you feel. if you have sex 4892 times a day and are okay with it, then more power to you.

You guys really come up with some good ones...

I'm with cbfull.

I am confused about what acting out is for me. It's not particularly doing something I shouldn't, or that harms me or others. I'm rather controlled in my behavior. More like, knowing how I feel, knowing my motives, being able to make choices from a full range of options.



So, what was going on in your head?

So, it's like, attention, approval got confused with sexual expression unconsciously. I got that. So how do you, did you, untangle these things? It's like, I don't know I have the choice to be close, even physically close, or touch but not sexually, without it being the sexual sedution and sex>

is it acting out to have a wife and family a totaly straight lifestyle ,but to not be able to control an urge to have sex with a man? to feel it build inside untill i have to do something ? risking everything and feeling like a piece of shit after?

I guess I don't really know, but I wonder... Do you know what's really going on with you, what you feel and want and get out of this sex with a man stuff? Cause the feeling like shit after sounds rough. What's going on there?

This sounds really troubling, and you have my sympathy.

Dan, my friend.

I doubt I can add anything beyond what others have said, but I do want to thank you for the topic. With me, sometimes I feel bad afterwards, sometimes I don't - under similar conditions - so I can't go strictly by how I feel.

A related question might be: "Is it ever acceptable to act out?"

M

PS - this would make a FUN topic for a support group ... (hint hint)

Mark and Dan

Yea, this would be a great topic for our group.

This topic sure is on my mind alot lately. I have not acted out for now almost 6 months.

But the thoughts are always there.

For me it is the control issue that I have to always remember. I can control what I do, act out, etc. I know what I did when I acted out was wrong. And I felt like shit when all was said and done too. But then, why or why do the feelings, emotions I have at times want to "act out" again?

I know it has to do with my CSA. I just have to continue to find coping skills to get over those feelings of excitement when I think of doing something that would wrect all that I have been doing to get better.

My 2 cents says that acting out is wrong, especially the acting out that I did was wrong. Guess I can't say all acting out is bad.

Ken

responding to landofshadow mostly; what was in my head was the knowledge (from experience) that I had a tendency to sexualize any attraction. when I was younger I didn't know about such things and the couple of times I gave into the confused thinking, I realized that what I thought was a sexual desire wasn't followed up with the pleasure I expected, instead I had to say "I'm sorry I'm really not into this" after a couple of times of this I read about the phenomenon of sexualizing attractions and started catching hold sooner and waiting for the realization of the qualities in the person that I was attracted to but interperating as sexual. After that it was like quitting smoking, I knew that the urge would pass and I just had to wait it out.