You could have written my story, it is almost exactly the same.
The difference here is that you started working on this at thirty-seven rather than my thirty-two and you still have a chance to save your first marriage where as I completely ruined my first.
Everything you are going through is absolutely normal. It sucks, but itís normal.
I got the ultimatum on drinking as well. You made the right choice now STICK WITH IT! Things will be tough sometimes but stay away from the alcohol that is your first step. You are ahead of me in that respect. I quit drinking without ever knowing why I was drinking in the first place.
You seem to have decided to stay in your marriage since you chose to stop drinking, now begins your healing. It is a long road but it is well traveled by others, and you can make it too. Do you have a therapist? If not get one but read this article first: Article on how to find a therapist
Show your wife that you are here and working on your recovery, and tell her that if you guys want to make this work, and you both stick this out and make the commitment to recovery, gradually over the next three to five years (give or take) you will become a man thatís even better than the you she wanted to marry in the first place.
Find a good therapist, use them, and remember, they work for you.
Stop self-medicating, you are worth it and you donít need that junk to get by, if you have cravings try the supplement L-Glutamine. You can find it at GNC or just about any health food store and it stopped my cravings cold.
Keep coming here, you may feel you are addicted to this site at some point, which too is normal and passes, but please remember not to let it come between you and your wife.
Click the quote at the bottom of my post and it will take you to my story, my wife has a few things to say in there as well.
If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me. Our stories are so similar itís scary, but if I can do it anyone can, you just have to really want to make it and commit to it.
Good luck man.