Newest Members
Green_Lantern, Safe11ride, WillWins, neophiliac, Jerone
12118 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
archie chisholm (61), Carlos418 (37), courtney (52), kurotake (55), lostsoul (63), Lukesgirl (28), michael banks (2014), Steffon (42)
Who's Online
4 registered (peroperic2009, TR101, 2 invisible), 49 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12118 Members
73 Forums
62512 Topics
438095 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#196339 - 12/22/07 11:46 PM Ruin - possible trigger
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10948
Loc: Denver, CO
A boy who is angry most of the time
Having been hurt from others’ crime
Carrying burdens as he grows
And how to ruin is all he knows

A stab in the back by a loved one dear
A smack in the face that taught him fear
Learning a life he never chose
Ruining things is all he knows

I’ll live to destroy, he says in his heart
Nothing will last, I’ll tear it apart
No good continues wherever he goes
Since how to ruin is all he knows

Rage is saved up for a rainy day
Anger at last will have its say
Silently shared while the door is closed
To hide the destruction that no one else knows

If anyone knew him, they’d stay far away
Just greet him briefly to keep him at bay
Leave him be, and on his way he goes
Since reduction to ruin is all he knows

He harbors that anger, and no one will see
The deep-seated hatred all others would flee
His anger follows the wind as it blows
And wrecking the good is all he knows

Hey world, he hates you, you just don’t know it
He hides his bitterness, he never will show it
Forget being friends, he sees you as foes
Curse and damnation is all he knows

He hasn’t a clue how to make things right
He needs someone patient who has clear sight
To show him direction in which he must go
In order to stop the destruction he knows

©2007

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#196358 - 12/23/07 07:53 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: FormerTexan]
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
It's a beautifully written poem, Andy, and I am so sorry you feel this way, but you'll have to do a lot of convincing to make me believe that one of the kindest people I know, who has patched me up so many times, knows nothing but ruin.

Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




Top
#196359 - 12/23/07 07:54 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: FormerTexan]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
PERFECT..... I get a visual image of the drive for destruction and ruin you are talking about and I get the sense
that someone else is driving and coercing us to do the acts of ruin, sort of what you said in lines 2 and 7.
Excellent poem, right on the head of the emotional nail. Keep 'em coming
I feel a healin' coming on!!!
I think that we are like a ventriloquist puppet until we finally, maybe never fully, catch hold and say "enough" I'll drive from here and have a safer, more enjoyable ride.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#196362 - 12/23/07 08:08 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: dancr6]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10948
Loc: Denver, CO
Bobby,

I sure appreciate your thoughts. This poem is coming more from the perspective of a little boy angry for being treated so lousy by everyone, so long ago. Ever since the Alta retreat (and I'm not bashing it, for it was a great experience), I have been in and out of childhood emotions that I wish would just get resolved already - Arg!

Dan,

Though I wish you didn't have to, I'm glad you can relate.

Andy


_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#196385 - 12/23/07 10:17 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: FormerTexan]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andy,

I'm sorry Little Andy sees things this way - so full of pain and hurt. But at the same time I'm glad you can write it all down so clearly and with such fidelity to the little guy's feelings. It's with those feelings that real healing has to start. We have to own how we feel; that's what you are doing and I think that will help Little Andy a lot. When? I don't know, bro. But in the meantime you have lots of safe and caring friends in your corner.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#196392 - 12/23/07 11:14 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: roadrunner]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
AMEN and AMEN Larry!

i hear you Andy...

(((((((andy))))))))

buzz


Top
#196407 - 12/23/07 02:15 PM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: buzz_key]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7819

Speaking to Little Andy,

Andy, you have nothing to feel ruined about because you are a wonderful child. I wish I could help you see how special and important you are. You have a lot to feel angry about, I know. But the world does not hate you, and neither do I or so many others.

And now, to my good friend Andy, the big guy,

Thanks for sharing this with us. It's similar to something I was thinking about this morning during church - the self-destructive years. I was thinking over some thoughts that I plan to pull together into a poem later. And I'm real glad you understand how "un-ruined" you are, my friend.

_________________________
Eddie

Top
#196480 - 12/23/07 11:57 PM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: EGL]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
(((((Little Andy)))))
(((((Big Andy)))))

I am glad that you are letting that little boy speak - I am very proud of him - I was honored to be able to have my little guy stand beside him in Alta - I will never forget that - ever

Andy - you are a good man - the past did not ruin that - you are stronger than your past - I know you are

Think back to that day in Alta - I'm right there with you - I'll take your hand - my little guy with your little guy - he's not alone anymore - he never has to do it alone anymore - ever

I know it's scarey sometimes - that is when we need to reach out the most my friend

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#196523 - 12/24/07 11:34 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: TJ jeff]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
That was beautifully written Andy.

Originally Posted By: Andy
If anyone knew him, they’d stay far away


It saddens my heart how true this rings for so many of us who were abused and how poor our self image becomes. It is no wonder why we develop destructive traits... All the while amazing we can keep that anger so hidden and so private.

Thank you for sharing... I hope some day little Andy can write happy poems \:\)
~Brian

_________________________
I farted so huge, my ass exploded. There was poo everywhere and it got into the fan too. What a fucking mess.

Top
#196917 - 12/28/07 02:58 AM Re: Ruin - possible trigger [Re: frost]
Liri Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor
New Here

Registered: 12/27/07
Posts: 127
Loc: Seattle, WA
Very carefully woven. Putting that chaos into order. Turning the ruin into a palace of lyric where little Andy can be a prince for once and for all.

_________________________
As a small child, I felt in my heart two contradictory feelings, the horror of life and the ecstasy of life. --Charles Baudelaire

My Story

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.