thirtytwo years ago I was a soldier. Not just any soldier either, I was an infantryman, and very proud of it. Being in the military was a rite of passage for the men in our family.And I was now a man. And no one could take that away from me! It was a done deal. But then one night not long after I arrived in my first primary duty staion, Things went horribly wrong. I had only been overseas for about two months, but I knew a girl downtown who I would spend weekends with. One Sunday night I was getting back from downtown on the bus when the charge of quarters told me to go to the NCO club because my roommate was looking for me. It was only about 500 yardds from the barracks but I really just wanted to go up to my room and go to bed since I knew the next day would start early. But being new in country I also needed all of the friends that I could get, so I turned and headed for the club. When I got there no one was in the large bar area, but the lights were all on indicating that they were getting ready to close.I figured I'd better check the small bar in the back and if he wasn't there I would at least be able to tell him that I had tried. I went back there and there were only two people in the small bar area. The bartender, and a buck sergeant who was staying in our barracks but was assigned to another company. He was being rotated out and was not supposed to have any contact with the people in his company. No one seemed to know the full story except him. I was very surprised when he called my name and told me to get over there. He then told me he was buying me a drink. I didn't want a drink and especially not with him, but I knew the place was closing and I tried to beg off with that but the bartender told him he'd give us ten minutes. I figured there would be no way to get into trouble in ten minutes of drinking, so I told him allroght but I have to go to the bathroom. He threatened me with terrible things if I didn't return. When I got back there was a drink waiting for me, Not just a drink, but the drink that I usually ordered at the club. ( I think he had been stalking me I don't remember telling him what I drank) I ignored the alarm bells again thinking what trouble can you get into in ten minutes? So I sat down. I remember a baseball game was playing on the T.V. It was in a foreign language and I had no idea what was going on. He began talking to me and I don't really remember the conversation until he said " you have a beautiful body. Has any one ever told you that before?" I said yes, he said I mean another man. I said yes again trying to divert the conversation. I was young and I did not want to be hearing this. I told him I was leaving but then I could barely get up. There was a conversation about a taxi. I had never taken a taxi 500 yards before and I didn't think There was anything reasonable about that. But he insisted that he had a taxi coming and that I should wait for it. I told him no and tried to leave but then the taxi pulled up. I figured I'd be safe when I got back to the barracks, and that was the last I remembered until I found myself staring up at the moon. It was a beautiful full moon the likes of which you only see in the tropics. I looked at it for a long time and then I looked down at my lap and I could see the moon down there too.My thinking was way off as it took me forever to figure out that there really weren't two moons one of them was a reflection. After that it took me a long time to figure out which one was the reflection ,as I felt like I may have been in a helicopter crash and I might have landed upside down. But no such luck. I remember when I realized that the second moon wasw reflecting off of this guys bald head as he munched on my dick. My first thought was Oh shit now I'm a queer! ( people that I knew in those days were not as accepting of homosexuals and the term 'gay' had not come about yet). I began to think of the people back home and what everyone would think of me if they could see me now sitting here dick deep in this guys throat and not even saying "excuse me, but I beleive thats my penis you have in your mouth." But I just could not physically do anything. I'm a big guy and I was as strong as an ox in those days. But I was helpless.I tried to fight the drug figuring that was my only hope, but it took time and in that time this guy was using me as his personal play toy. My memories are very fuzzy I know this felt like it went on forever. But after reading some of the posts of other people... anyway at one point he tried to make me suck his dick and I tried my darndest to hit him in the testicles. Have you ever seen the spasms of someone afflicted with huntingtons chorea? I threw my arm trying for a straight jab. But it went way high and I was terrified that I had missed but my hand connected with one of his testicles on the way down. I know he became enraged after that and I remember hitting the floor. I don't know how long I was down there but I remember being very cold. I was lying on a stone floor and the stone was sucking all of my body heat away.I tried to get up to leave but my pants were around my ankles so I fell again and the next time I remember I was lying in the bunk and he was on top of me kissing me and rubbing his erection against mine. I'm not sure what I did but I know I enraged him again at some point and he pushed me back onto the floor. All of this time he was talking to me like we were lovers. I had no idea why but I think he was trying to keep up some kind of an illusion in his mind. When the drug wore off enough for me to escape I was almost crawling down the hallway of the barracks to my room, who knows what state of undress I was in but I remember seeing one of the NCOs who I looked up to and who I thiought was my friend and he just looked at me like I was a piece of trash. That really hurt!! I buried that memory and went on like nothing had happened for as long as I could. I'm a Catholic and I try to be a good one but For a very long time I masturbated daily, and there were times when I would do it four or five times a day. I'm also a straight man I've never been attracted to men at all, but I've had sex with four of them.And after each time I'm over come with terrible shame, and I try to bury it the same place I've buried this story for 32 years. Now I haven't had sex for about five years. Every woman I've ever been with has brought me pain, and I don't beleive in love any more. I hope I haven't broken any rules for the site with this post if so it was certainly unintentional.