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#1953 - 06/11/05 04:16 AM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
RockyMtJoe,

thank you for that! \:\) Here is one I like very much, and think fits this site also. Sorry to 'threadjack' off topic!

Our planet
is poorly equipped
for delight.
One must snatch
gladness
from the days that are.
In this life
it's not difficult to die.
To make life
is more difficult by far.

Vladimir Mayakovsky


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#1954 - 06/11/05 12:33 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Quote:
Originally posted by Soccer Kid:

* Increased number of peers "relating to" or "participating with" another - Many times perpetrators do not register just one nickname. In order to get conversations started and going, many perpetrators will register one name, than another and "interact" with each other to draw others into the conversation. Another reason why perpetrators will do this is because of the fear of being found out. If multiple users are registered, the assumption is that there is no way X amount of people are actually phoney, when in reality it is all the same person.

Although I could see them all being quite valid, this is the one that will get my hairs up most. It is the one that make me most suspicious, and it is the one that catch the last major fraud here last year.

There are many good points made in this thread, both about protecting the under-age members, but also the membership as a whole. I posted a very long one in the Unmoderated forum in that monster thread, and will not repeat everything here.

To the person who mention the possibility of some of the younger members being 'others' of an adult with DID. Hmm. I have DID. And I know that I think twice, (maybe three times) a post would appear here by me that I do not have memory of writing, under a time of stress, which is usually when it is triggered for me. But under my own name. My computer saves my name and password on this site. I am assuming that my 'others', they either are not so computer knowledgable, or they have better things to do then to come here with another name! I do not say this to be flippent, I am just saying, I had never thought that as a possibility before. It is not to say it is not possible, or true, because my knowledge of my own diagnosis is somewhat lacking, due to resistence on my part. So that is interesting theory to me.

There are couple other points I wanted to respond to, that I cannot recall now! (here 2 years, and do not know how to quote multiple posts in my reply, like so many people can do!)

Oh well. Will maybe think of more later.

Leosha

P.S. Edited to add, RockyMtJoe, thank you for the Russian literature! But I think that poem is from later date, 1930? 1935? Something of that time. (Trying to remember back to school age!)

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#1955 - 06/11/05 02:30 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
RockyMtJoe Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado
THE LAST TOAST I drink to our ruined house, to the dolor of my life, to our loneliness together; and to you I raise my glass, to lying lips that have betrayed us, to dead-cold, pitiless eyes, and to the hard realities: that the world is brutal and coarse, that God in fact has not saved us. Anna Akhmatova 1934, Translated by Stanley Kunitz with Max Hayward

Yes, 1934. That was a dismal time in Russia.

We can argue about the so called "space race"
but Russia is supreme in poetry, poetry is
glued to all Slavic peoples hearts.

Joe

since the USA cannot get anyting up into space
guess that other topic is looking questionable.

;\)


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#1956 - 06/13/05 12:10 AM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Sorry, but parts of this post sound like a thesis!

Red Flags to look for:
Over use of details - The human brain is very forgetful when it comes to actual details. Most police reports given by victims of assault or abuse, unless the victimization happened for an extremely long time, may have problems identifying their perpetrator in a line-up or able to describe them to the police clearly. Too many details such as exact hair colour, facial hair, height, weight etc... are usually the first things to be forgotten. When describing crime scenes many individuals will remember identifiable or foul smells, the presence of blood or tissue but in many instances unless trained professionals, the location and source of these items is rarely remembered. [How does all this apply to MS? Well, when listening to someone's "story" look for things that most people would not remember. This could be smells, times of the month, weather (unless extreme), food eaten etc... While some of these things can be identifiable...like maybe you were always abused after your perpetrator took you out for pizza...etc...but under normal circumstances people do not remember these things]

____________________________________________+

I wrote a 17 page statement of complaint to the police about my abuser and the actions he took that defiled me. It didn't happen over an extensive period of time (compared to some). around three momths that was grooming, abuse and my ending it (details have been posted).

Within the next six months I am facing my abuser in Crown Court - I made my stament on 17th Oct last year (an often repeated fact - it also happens to be a life long friends birthday). I was abused in 1969 - I know it was 1969 and I know that it was from late September onwards. Please do not come here and imply that people can only remember if the abuse was extensive and ongoing. It has done my head in for years and I am dealing with it - I suggest that theories are kept to yourselves.

I remember the food that was eaten, because my abuser initially 'bought my trust' - he would give me money to go to a local store/shop to buy apples/sweets so that I could meet him at a location nearer the quarry. This meant that he was not seen walking with me towards the point of abuse as he walked there ahead of me.

I know that it was always almost dusk. I know what state the wlid flowers/plants were in (my Grandfather used to take me on very long countryside walks from as early as I can remember (he was not my abuser).

Generalisation is a very dangerous thing - I know that I have only picked up on one point here, but I am prepared to challenge it (others may not).

I have a pending court case, because I have almost photographic retention of certain details - I suspect I am not alone here with that ability.

My abuser is still walking around my hometown now - I don't have to remember what he looks like. He is just older and fatter, but wears very similar clothes to what he did in 1969.

Not everyone that was abused was attacked - grooming and abuse can take place over very short time frames. Many victims know there abusers - that makes it very easy to identify them.

Maybe I should write a thesis!

Best wishes ... Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#1957 - 06/13/05 07:40 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
RangerJ19 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 42
Loc: North Woods
Shybear:

I agree with many of your points.

And I want everyone here to feel safe.

But I have to call you on one thing:

Quote:
If a poster's first posts are on the "Gay Survivors" board and they are promoting (even subtley) that being gay is wrong, a sin, and/or can be "cured", and *especially* if they quote *anything* from the radical religious right about homosexuality.
If MS is about accepting someone without judgment about their religious or sexual identity, then we can't do that.

For the record, I have not posted anything about my religious beliefs about sexuality, and I don't think I've ever posted in the Gay Survivors unit.

But I happen to be a conservative Christian.
I happen to be homosexual.
I happen to have chosen to deal with the conflict between my sexual desires and my religious beliefs by being celibate.
I'm active in the "ex-gay" movement, though I haven't ever, I think, brought it up here.

So you're saying that because my religious beliefs aren't yours, or because I have made a choice about how to handle my sexuality that aren't yours, then I have no place here, that my victimization doesn't count, and I must be a liar and a fake?

I waited for 3 days to get up the courage to even post this 'cause I'm tired of opening up to people and being hated for being a conservative Christian.

And of all the places I don't want to be hurt and rejected, this is one of them. It's too hard for me to open up to people anyway.

So if I'm not welcome because of my sexual practices or my religous faith, then that's fine.

But I'm really sorry to see how shallow "tollerance" goes when it has to be extended to someone who actually believes differently than you.

_________________________
Life is worth living.
'Cause of legal issues and the fact i'm still trying to get better, I don't PM or chat w/ minors.

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#1958 - 06/13/05 09:42 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
Quote:
RangerJ19 wrote ~ If MS is about accepting someone without judgment about their religious or sexual identity, then we can't do that.
Ranger, you have missed *the* critical word in what I wrote (emphasis added) : "If a poster's FIRST posts are on the "Gay Survivors" board and they are promoting (even subtley) that being gay is wrong, a sin, and/or can be "cured" ..."

Keep in mind that I was talking about what raises my "red flags" as to possible fakes on MS. If a conservative Christian wrote an anti-gay post on the "Gay Survivors" board after posting for a while in the other, more general forums, I would not consider the author a fake. However, if the anti-gay post was among the author's first posts, I would be suspicious. I have far too much experience with such hit-and-run trolls & the havoc they cause on a very popular, highly volatile religious discussion website that I have been active on for almost four years.

Quote:
RangerJ19 wrote ~ So you're saying that because my religious beliefs aren't yours, or because I have made a choice about how to handle my sexuality that aren't yours, then I have no place here, that my victimization doesn't count, and I must be a liar and a fake?
That is most definitely NOT what I'm saying, Ranger - you're projecting those things into what I wrote. An anti-gay conservative Christian DOES have a place here, his victimization DOES count and he DOES deserve support as long as he is a legitimate SA survivor. What I will NOT tolerate is a fake who pretends to be a survivor in order to promote an anti-gay agenda. Such behavior trivializes the pain of ALL male survivors, be they gay, straight, bi, confused; active or celibate; Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Pagan, Atheist; or what-have-you.


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#1959 - 06/14/05 01:28 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
RangerJ19 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 42
Loc: North Woods
Shy,

OK. I can see where I missed your main point.

Thank you for clearing that up for me. I was feeling pretty shut down.

Thank you again for taking the time to clarify for me.

_________________________
Life is worth living.
'Cause of legal issues and the fact i'm still trying to get better, I don't PM or chat w/ minors.

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#1960 - 06/15/05 12:54 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
desvelar Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 55
Loc: The Wired
I think that the paid membership is stu[id bersuase I am A kid with no credit card no access to pne legaly but I need help if you had that on there what would I do commit a crime just to get on or just keep the pain goin which leads to alot of other things if you want to keep it wall pay then post on the subscribers area dont skrew the rest of us out that cant pay just because you can.


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#1961 - 06/15/05 09:31 PM Re: Suggestion to improve MS safety
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
Quote:
I think that the paid membership is stu[id bersuase I am A kid with no credit card no access to pne ...
You missed my point, I said "If a possible phony becomes a trouble maker ..."

Unlike some other members, I totally support allowing kids like you here, my only concern is for your safety.


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