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#196034 - 12/20/07 12:32 PM steel on skin (a boy's wisdom) - Triggers
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I gaze straight down
upon my arm
to see what has become

Steel touches skin
and what is left
are lines of bright crimson

I do not know
where it began
but now I do realize

Cowardly acts
can not go on
for long before my eyes

I do not know
what else to do
it's not the proper way

I must find strength
and tell myself
to thrive another day

I search inside
to find the strength
of a child long ago

I pray this boy
will teach me things
it seems I do not know





Edited by BruisedSpirit (12/20/07 01:28 PM)

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#196045 - 12/20/07 01:14 PM Re: steel on skin (a boy's wisdom) - Triggers [Re: BruisedSpirit]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I hope someone can tell us why we punish ourselves for someone elses fiendish actions. My child isn't gone he is incredibly strong and I am he. I embrace him in the gentle, caring way he missed out on. I hold his hand and protect him while he wanders in awe of the beauty he wasn't allowed to see.

Lovingly,
Dan

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#196070 - 12/20/07 04:03 PM Re: steel on skin (a boy's wisdom) - Triggers [Re: dancr6]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Scott and Dan,

There are lots of reasons why a survivor might do the kinds of things we see in Scott's poem; figuring out which reason(s) applies in the case of any one of us would be something to deal with in therapy.

If you have closed down entirely and feel nothing, cutting can be a way of feeling something. If as a boy you felt abuse as a total loss of control, then cutting can restore a temporary sense of control; the survivor himself decides if he will cut, when, where, how much, and so on. Or if a survivor feels guilty and thinks he deserves to be punished, cutting can be a way of achieving some sense of resolution or closure.

The problem is that whatever sense of relief the survivor gets is only temporary. Afterwards he is likely to feel ashamed or guilty about what he has done, which starts the cycle all over again.

I really do think things like this need to be approached in therapy. A good T can help us identify the problem at the root of our behavior and eliminate the issue that causes us to cut in the first place.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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