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#195970 - 12/19/07 07:51 PM I made a decision.........
fixer Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 18
Loc: Central Virginia
A couple of nights ago, I made a decision. I think it may be one of the most important decisions of my recovery. I decided, and informed my therapist about it the next night, that I was going to put aside the EMDR treatment for a while, and focus on the things that are messed up in my life right now.

I can't undo the past...it will always be there. But I don't have to let it destroy my future. The effects of my abuse, family life, school life, and friendships (or lack thereof) have shaped me into the sick-thinking person I am today. I am co-dependent. I am compulsive. I am obsessive. All of this and more. It has cost me innumerable jobs, and is endangering my marriage and family life. I'm sick of it. I absolutely refuse to allow it to dominate my thinking and behavior from now on.

I am going to meetings at support groups, am trying to work a program, following along with the book "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I have found it to be an impressive de>

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#195971 - 12/19/07 08:13 PM Re: I made a decision......... [Re: fixer]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dave,

I think one of the most important messages I have ever seen on the Discussion Board is this paragraph from you today:

Originally Posted By: fixer
I can do this. I have to believe it. I have to have faith that in the end, if I keep my life on track, I will come out OK. The perp can't hurt me anymore, and even though I still have anger and pain from the experience, I CHOOSE not to be ruled by it. I can honestly say that coming here, putting my story up for all to see, sharing my experiences with the other survivors on this board has been an important influence in being able to make this decision. The more open I am about my experiences, the less power they have over me.


There is so much truth here. We can't reach back to the past and change anything, and while we of course have every right to our grief and anger, we CAN make the choice to stay present and work on ourselves as we are right now. As Mike Church used to tell us, "The present is where you will be living the rest of your life."

I'm sure your T will be able to adjust your program of therapy to accommodate this attitude, and indeed, I bet your T will welcome it.

I would suggest, at the same time, that you not be too strict about going back to the past. There are things to be learned back there that can help us now in our recovery, and it's always useful to more tools in our box and the skills we need to use them. The trick is to take note of when we catch ourselves expending valuable energy and emotions on the past and getting nothing back anymore. That's a sure sign that it's time to move on.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#195974 - 12/19/07 08:29 PM Re: I made a decision......... [Re: roadrunner]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I look in the mirror and see all of those problems . And I know all of the words , but I have neaver had the Balls to be able to pull it all together

May God be with you on this endever , Because you are going to need him

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#195981 - 12/19/07 09:20 PM Re: I made a decision......... [Re: OKIE MIKE]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Dave,

I share your feelings about not being able to undo the past, but also not letting it destory the future. It sounds like you have reached a fork in the road and you are making the decision which road to follow. I hope it is the one that takes you home to happiness and comfort. You appear to have the right attitude and I admire your strength and determination to get your life together.

With warm regards,

Dan


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#195982 - 12/19/07 09:21 PM Re: I made a decision......... [Re: OKIE MIKE]
fixer Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 18
Loc: Central Virginia
Mike, I pray that He will be with me on this. I can't do it alone, I've proven that to myself before. And I truly hope for you, and everyone here that has the pain of abuse in their past, that someday, somehow, they can find peace. We all deserve it.


Dave


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#196055 - 12/20/07 02:03 PM Re: I made a decision......... [Re: fixer]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Dave,

Than you for this thread of affirmation. I believe that recovery is possible, and the key to it is in yourself.

I hope all the guys who read this thread will move ahead and be influenced by the power of your words.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#196104 - 12/20/07 10:49 PM Re: I made a decision......... [Re: fixer]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Quote:
The more open I am about my experiences, the less power they have over me.

How true this statement has been for me. I too thought about EMDR but have been lucky this far dealing with the csa by therapy, medication, and talking / writing. This place has been such a release for me that I did not see any reason for the EMDR. It's been many years since my last abuser that I don't feel the need to go there especially since what I'm doing now seems to be doing good.
Only you know what is right for you and if this is the path you choose then so be it. We are all different and we are all dealing with different experiences but yet the same. many roads lead to recovery making a choice to take one is a big step. Good for you Dave!

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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