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#195925 - 12/19/07 10:44 AM Me? Angry?? (Poetry / Triggers)
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck
I am furious
- at least that’s what they tell me
“…you are a very angry man.”
and “…you have to release your anger.”

But my anger sits deep within
and seems to have a life of it’s own
seldom expressing itself
it prefers to hold me hostage

People who I know - or meet me
would never accuse me of being angry
instead they all say I am the least
assertive person they know
- Hell, I could be held up through the mail

What do I have to be angry about?
- because my brother and his friend raped me?
- bent a 10 year old boy over for their own pleasure
- saw blood flow down my leg and thought I was going to die
- tasted semen long before any male should
- because my parents let me spend the night with a 40 year old man when I was 12
No – none of that makes me angry

I am angry because
I sat silently counting floor tiles
or staring blankly at the ceiling
and for cutting myself
…to free myself
and for not having the courage
to simply be me

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#195951 - 12/19/07 02:31 PM Re: Me? Angry?? (Poetry / Triggers) [Re: kellygtx]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kelly,

Originally Posted By: kellygtx
I am angry because
I sat silently counting floor tiles
or staring blankly at the ceiling
and for cutting myself
…to free myself
and for not having the courage
to simply be me


Abuse devastates a boy emotionally as well as physically. There's just no way a 10-year-old could have defended himself, and that really did leave you with nothing to do except check out of the situation - blank out and count tiles, as you say.

And as for courage, shouldn't we say that any boy who survives abuse must have one hell of a lot of courage just to continue on with his life?

I hope you can be a bit more gentle with yourself. It isn't you who is to blame for any of this. That's not so easy to see sometimes, but it really is the truth.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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