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#195284 - 12/14/07 06:34 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: Still]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
My only friends in my neighborhood lived in alcoholic homes so we never talked about it, we all pretended it didn't happen and tried to be normal. Not sure of any physical abuse but there was a lot of verbal abuse. The freaking neighborhood was dysfunctional. It was not unusual to hear screaming and yelling from one of our houses. There was one old Guy Mr. Holman who seemed to be normal but that was the only one, and he never said anything about it.
I hope by sharing your emotions you will be able to heal from this.
peace
Rick

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I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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#195289 - 12/14/07 06:55 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: GateKPR4]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
My Mom Had A Horse Buggy Wip-------------Which She Used------------------------------Dad Used Anything Close By-----------------------------Tj--I Am So Sorry----------------No Child Should Have T Go Threw tHat Shit---------------------Steve


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#195674 - 12/17/07 03:10 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: sabata]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Thank you guys for all the supportive responses

I tried to take a couple of days away from this to clear my mind but this issue just does not want to leave my mind - I mean... - I'm SURE these neighbors talked with each other some - I'm sure they undoubtedly talked of what they heard from that house (gossip spreads like wildfire in that small town) - and yet they all just turned a blind eye to it - like as if it "really" WAS ok for a mother to "discipline" her child so harshly

it's just hard for my mind to process i guess - I mean - "logicaly" I know that was was done constitutes as abuse - but... there is this part of me that just won't stop saying "maybe it was just discipline considering the year and geographical location it was done in" - I mean... - it was mostly just aimed at my rear as any normal spanking would of been if I'd of been able to stay still for it - I know many other kids in that town were spanked - what really makes mine "abuse" and theirs not?

my head just is driving me crazy...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#195691 - 12/17/07 05:56 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: TJ jeff]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: TJ jeff
I know many other kids in that town were spanked - what really makes mine "abuse" and theirs not?


TJ,

In my never-to-be-humble opinion:

1) the way you describe the events equals "abuse."
2) the fact that violent noise radiated from the house equals abuse.
3) the fact that YOU consider it to be more than discipline equals abuse.

If it was her idea of discipline, the way she went about delivering it was wrong if its causing you this much trouble.

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#195700 - 12/17/07 07:09 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: Still]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
my t -asked me- would you do that to a child????????????i said no of corse not------------she said then that is abuse------------abuse comes in many forms-------------
i am sure you know that-----------------mental-verbal-----------sexual----------physical--------------i could go on-----------------------sorry this is driving you crazey---------------steve


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#195724 - 12/17/07 09:28 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: sabata]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7819
TJ, Steve makes a good point - I remember when I told my wife about the abuse from my father and I broke down in tears telling her that I couldn't imagine doing that to my own children. Even now, my eyes are welling up as I wrote that. It's just unthinkable. That realization is validating in so many ways. It's abuse, any way you slice it.

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Eddie

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#195726 - 12/17/07 09:43 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eddie,

Originally Posted By: EGL
That realization is validating in so many ways. It's abuse, any way you slice it.


It sure is, little bro! It's one of the most empowering and validating things we can do when we ask ourselves, "Could I ever do anything like that to MY kids?" Not in a million years.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#195798 - 12/18/07 12:25 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: roadrunner]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Thank You Robbie, Steve, Eddie, and Larry

You're all right - I know you are - I thank you for your support - my minds just been in a funk lately (pre-christmas blues - which really does'nt even make sense because I am not even going to that side of the family for the holidays this year)

Quote:
"Could I ever do anything like that to MY kids?"


I was asked that by my T a few years back - my answer to him was an absolute NO (heck, I think I kinda even shouted it at him) - but... I can remember even then argueing with him about the fact that what was done to me was done over 20+ years ago in a small farming community where kids where raised in a sometimes harsher way cause the parents were just trying to "toughen" them to the realitys of the world not always being a "fun" place

I know there is more in my posted story about the physical abuse than what I have put here - and there are also people here who I have shared other parts of the physical abuse with

I think my mind was just trying to sort through individual "discipline sessions" and figure if they constituded as abuse or not (and I was'nt even factoring in all of the years of mental abuse) - but you know what... - it's not about just 1 incident - is it - it's about ALL of the incidents - it's about the sum of ALL that was done to me - I add it all up - it's VERY clear - it's abuse - plain and simple - I just need to find a way to stop my mind from trying to to compartmentalize individual incidents

again - Thank You guys - you are all such great friends

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#195820 - 12/18/07 03:18 PM Re: The Silent Neighbors (might trigger) [Re: TJ jeff]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Jeff,

I was really sad reading your post. I also experienced indifference from neighbours. It was right when I was being abused. People saw and did not help. That was hard to believe.

However, some guys who saw bruises on my face asked about what happened and teachers asked too, but I did not tell the truth.

I can only add that now you have what is called a system of support, that you lacked in your childhood, and you won't feel the same again.

Take care,
Alexey

_________________________
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When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
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