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#195788 - 12/18/07 10:33 AM What is this happening (triggers)
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Is it possible that we actually 're-feel' things that have happen in the past? I do not mean as the 'body memories', or feelings during panic attacks.

I have been sick for a while, and maybe that make it more that I am having bad dreams. But it is like, what happen in the dream, it is I feel it when I wake up? Like, I was dreaming of one time, my old coach, he get angry with me and he take this thing off his desk, the thing that have the pencils and pens go in it, and he is just yelling at me and hitting me in the head and face with this thing. And I am thinking, what hell, this man is crazy, I have done nothing bad. But I am having this bad dream, and wake up, and it is like it is still with me, I wake up with this bad headache. And it like continues through. Another time I am dreaming of being chocked, and wake up with my throat sore. And it last, it is not just for short time after I wake up, it last longer.

It keep going in circles, because it all make me lose sleep, and not sleep as good. Then I feel more panicked, and get scared to sleep, which make me dream more and sleep worse all over again. I have been doing this 'healing' thing enough, I just think this is crazy, it should not be this bad right now, and I do not know why, or if even anyone else have this happen to them.

andrei


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#195791 - 12/18/07 10:44 AM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: ak]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Andrei,

Every night, I dream I am living with my mother. We are always renting one of the two houses we lived in when I was a kid. I wake up in the morning surprised to find myself in my own apartment. It takes me a long time to shake the feeling that I am a child and to realize that it was all just a dream.

This happens to me every night. I know it's not nearly to the extent that you are experiencing, but it seems similar to how you described. Perhaps your illness is making your dreams more livid. I know I get that way when I am sick.

The only thing we can do is to keep telling ourselves that we are safe now. It's not much, but at the same time....it is everything.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#195793 - 12/18/07 11:43 AM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: BJK]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Andrei:
Boy, do I know what you are going through. I have been having 2 nightmares on a regular basis. One I wake up screaming as my brother would threaten me if I didn't perform oral sex on him. This was in a tree house he built. I wake up falling to the ground as he pushs me out.

The other I wake up choking from almost drowning in a swimming pool. He made me perform oral sex under water on him. What a bastard"

I too don't even want to go to sleep. I dread it so much. I guess this is what is called healing. Sure is cruel though.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#195799 - 12/18/07 12:41 PM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: KENKEN]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Andrei,

it's taken me years to understand - and maybe this is not the case for you and your dreams/feelings - but I have realized that if I go to sleep with my body hurting in a certain area that was abused - sometimes the current hurt will trigger the dream of the past event - not sure if that is happening in your case or not - just thought it might be a possiblility so wanted to throw it out there for you to think about

I'm sorry sleep has been hard - I really do wish you restfull sleep my friend - we all need it

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#195815 - 12/18/07 02:51 PM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: TJ jeff]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Andrei,

I didn't have precisely these feelings and dreams, but I did have bad and violent dreams when it is too hot or when I have pain some body parts.

I think that it is both the painful feelings arising in dreams and you the pain on your body that was not noticeable before.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#195857 - 12/18/07 08:30 PM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: ak]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I can't help but notice that it sorta sounds like you might be in a very terrified state at this moment. It's hard to tell from small blurps of text, but you almost sound like you might be really really anxious and maybe even terrified.

I sincerely apologize if I am wrong, I am hoping I am wrong because I know how that feels and I know it is quite indescribable. Feel free to PM me if you want some tips on getting that under control... or to tell me I am completely wrong. \:\)

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#195889 - 12/19/07 12:25 AM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: cbfull]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
AK, I also have these dreams that are like reality when i wake up. you are not alone. I also when reading your post felt your energy of being terrified. Your spelling your small blurps everything. the onething that my therepist said for me to do is rewrite my dreams when i wake from them. only rewrite the bad dreams. since I have been rewritting my dreams it has helped my emotional state post dream. and I am somewhat comforted that I am in controll. Lets hang in there together MVNFORWRD

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

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#195918 - 12/19/07 09:21 AM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: mvnforwrd]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i think dreams are weird. they take parts and pieces of what is in your mind. it might be that your dreams are being triggered by you being sick, not the other way around. like, you go to bed, get a sore throat over night, and your dreams pick up on that and reply what felt the same as that.

things in the "real world" get incorperated into my dreams. like if i am in a deep sleep, and my alarm goes off, that noise sometimes get woven into my dream as something completely different than an alarm clock.


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#195924 - 12/19/07 09:43 AM Re: What is this happening (triggers) [Re: BJK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andrei,

As others are saying, I can just join in and assure you that our minds are capable of some really strange things when we are asleep. So many times I have awakened in the night totally certain that the dream was real and wondered where the hell I am.

I'm sorry this is troubling you, but I really liked something that Bryan says here:

Originally Posted By: BJK
The only thing we can do is to keep telling ourselves that we are safe now. It's not much, but at the same time....it is everything.


Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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