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#195489 - 12/16/07 09:09 AM What is a 'pedophile'?
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I just, I think I am some confused with the term, not asking about various abusers or such. But, as I think I understand it, 'pedophiles' support their activities by saying it is 'love' of the child, and they abuse only children of certain gender and ages. So then, if someone abuses a teenager, or someone outside of that age, they would not truly be a 'pedophile', but since it is more of a power issue then, and not something done of 'love', they would be called a 'sexual predator', 'child molester' or some term other then 'pedophile', right?

I know it is 'semantic' thing, but it is an issue of debate with someone else right now, and I think that neither of us truly is sure if there is a strict definition of 'pedophile'.

Andrei


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#195496 - 12/16/07 09:46 AM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: ak]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Good question ak,
I would like to know this myself. because to me all my perps were pedophiles, but not all experiences were the same. Is there a classification on perps for different age groups? My abuse goes from age 6-17 by 6 different people. Each time is was different.
Peace & love
Ricky



Edited by GateKPR4 (12/16/07 09:46 AM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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#195497 - 12/16/07 10:13 AM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: GateKPR4]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
The term pedophile only speaks to the age of attraction the person has. It means that the person is attracted sexually, emotionally, etc, to a person of prepubescent age -- usually 6-12. There are terms for those who are attracted to younger and older ages. Nepiophile is the attraction to (generally) 0-5, while ephebophiles are generally attracted to teens (13-18).

It should be noted that pedophile (etc.) doesn't denote acts, just feelings. To say a pedophile is a child molester is false. Many do not, but many do. It's no more true than saying a straight person attracted to women is also a rapist. Many straight people do not rape, but many do.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#195500 - 12/16/07 10:28 AM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: ak]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Andrei,

Personally, I use the terms as if they were all more or less interchangeable. Maybe I shouldn't, because abusers sometimes abuse those who are no longer children, but it seems to me there's one idea going through their minds, and that's - as you say - power.

Different abusers may be attracted to different victims, but their attraction isn't so much the sex. After all, how good can sex be with a frightened child? And if you want sex, there are less risky ways to get it than abusing a kid. It seems to be the power they want: the idea of having so much control over a child that even sex can be taken from him.

I don't think a child is ever abused for the sake of love. If an adult truly loves a child he would want to protect that child and keep him safe. Abusers do have a distorted sense of love, yes, but still, I think what they are really doing is seeking power.

It's especially horrible to abuse a small child, and when an abuser goes for an older boy, or even a young adult, maybe he's not technically a pedophile, since what that word means (in Greek) is "child lover". But it seems to me that pedophiles, abusers, sexual predators, child molesters, perps, and so on, are all doing the same thing: targeting someone who is vulnerable and therefore more easily overpowered and reduced to submission to what the abuser wants.

Does this help? I hope you'll tell us more about the discussion you are having about this - sounds like it's important to you.

Much love,
Larry



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Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
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#195502 - 12/16/07 10:37 AM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: roadrunner]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I was talking about the differences with a friend over love and power recently. As someone who is on that very fine line between child and adult (15 at the time) when it happened I just thought this realization I had kind of wen't with the post.

before my rape I thought sex meant love. So I've spent the last twenty years trying to figure why she did that, it wasn't love, that I knew. And it was so hard to figure out why she did what she did, I know now. The hard part was figuring out that I was right, sex is love. She didn't have sex with me, she had power over me, something her past caused her to do.

Mike

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#195581 - 12/16/07 06:58 PM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: mogigo]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Mike Lew made an interesting comment about this in his book, Victims No Longer.

While Pedophile refers to one who loves children, a Pedoscele is one who does evil deeds against children and seems a far more fitting term for those who harm children.

~Brian

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#195598 - 12/16/07 08:37 PM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: frost]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
like the satanist that hurt me and warped my perception of myself and my world - I think he was both

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#195686 - 12/17/07 05:45 PM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: GateKPR4]
Born to Resist Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA
You pose an interesting question. We need to start with the origin of the word and thus we need to refer to latin for the correct terminology. AndyJB has the right idea. The term means to love/be attracted to children of a certain age range. However, it doesn't mean to someone who abuses children. We refer to child molesters as pedophiles because they are attracted to children and they voice how the love children. The difference is how the abuser views love and expresses love. An abusers idea of love is obscured from an appropriate concept of love. However, in the abusers mind they can beleieve they love children. This being said not every abuser is a pedophile ... they may clearly see that they do not in fact love children and what they are doing is clearly an expression of love towards children.

Widsom-Courage-Spirituality



Edited by Born to Resist (12/17/07 05:46 PM)

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#195718 - 12/17/07 08:49 PM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: Born to Resist]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
So what I think I'm hearing from this thread is that a pedophile is a 'boy lover' (in the case of male sexual abuse) that wanted to 'love' his boy in what was an inappropriate way but was not knowingly or intentionally screwing us up for the rest of our lives, vs a child molester or 'Pedocete' is one who uses sex as a power trip regardless of real or potential harm to the child. A sexual predator is someone who seeks sexual partners for his own gratification without concern either way.

It bothers me for some reason that there are different names for the different 'flavors' (or age preferences) of abusers (Nepiophile, Ephebophiles, etc). What's the name for a 50-yr old guy who dreams of having sex with collage aged guys (19-25) who are slim built and have little hair or blond body hair? (I know guys like that.) Or guys who who like fat boys? Or guys who like hispanic or aisian boys only? I know guys like all of the above, and I'd love to know what their technical name is, to nail them in conversation.

I'm not saying that any of this gets any pretties no matter how you label it, and regardless of the labels it inevitably comes down to age. I also don't know that it's not abuse if a pedophile gets his hands on a 18 yr old guy; even though it might not be illegal, he could still do a lot of emotional damage. But I guess we have to draw the line somewhere.

Just my two cents. Maybe three cents. Keep the change...

Lazarus

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#195787 - 12/18/07 10:30 AM Re: What is a 'pedophile'? [Re: Lazarus]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
I always defined a pedophile as "someone who wants to have sex with kids". Regardless of the reasoning behind it. Makes things a whole lot simpler.

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Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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