Well.....I have to admit that about a week ago....I promised that I would NEVER post on this site again. You see, my BF is a survivor and he posts here and we had an argument over something that he posted and let me read, so I vowed to bow out as I feel he needs this site far more than I do.
But, as we all know....one should never say NEVER! :-)
The reason that I decided to make this post today is numerous:
I am so very proud of my BF! It was just in September of this year that he was able to admit his abuse of some 50 years ago and I am so proud of the progress he has made.
I am not saying that we won't still have our bad times, but I feel for the first time today that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't some f------ train!
He has spent countless hours reading, journaling, attending trauma therapy classes, attending a men's support group and his own individual therapy classes.
And not to toot my own horn, but I have spent time as well going to libraries with him researching CSA, finding healthy websites that deal with these issues, etc., etc., etc.
This week however, I was able to say to him that I am building up resentments as I have spent so much time helping him in his sadness, and that I too am facing my own sadness due to all of this and that I don't feel like he has always been as supportive as I would like him to be. And guess what? He listened. It is funny, but he thought he was being supportive of me. As a result in the past few days, he is taking the time to listen to me more and asking me how my day has gone and how I am doing. It is funny how sometimes something so small can mean so much to us women. And you men thought that you had to "buy" us things to make us happy. :-)
Last Sunday in our church service unknown to me he put up a prayer request for himself. I almost fell off the pew! I thought, oh no....what have you done? So of course, after church his pastor came up to shake our hands and asked if he could come to our house some night this week and visit with us. Now I think my BF was wondering too what have I done????
Well, the pastor came yesterday and spent 2 hours with my BF and about an hour of that with us. And guess what? My BF told him all....even though he was scared to death and so worried about how the response would be especially from someone like a pastor!
But he was ever so understanding and assured us that he was there for both of us as we walk this difficult journey. What power for my BF in having a pastor tell him that if you ask, God forgives you of all of your guilt and shame. I am so thankful for all of this as the guilt and shame is what has been eating him up and I do believe that this has helped him a great deal.
And just a few minutes ago, he called me on his way home from his individual therapy and he is feeling good....I was really worried. The therapist is very happy with his progress and assured him that he is going to make it through this! And I know he will too....he is so determined to get his life in order!
So, I just wanted to post to say....never say never! And also to let you all know that I am thankful that he has this site and all of you as I know that it is helping him with his recovery!
Now....we have vowed we are off for the weekend....going to a church Christmas program, a motorcycle group Christmas party, and dinner at a neighbors....and no talking about all of this CSA all weekend! I hope we can live up to that....he has been working hard and deserves a break!