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#195042 - 12/13/07 12:19 AM Re: book on predators [Re: Still]
rickochey Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 13
I am glad to see you guys read the article. See when I read it it opened up my mind to how my predator started to view me and how my beliefs changed to protect my self...

God bless all of you and a speedy recovery.


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#195141 - 12/13/07 07:54 PM Re: book on predators [Re: Still]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown

Right now the idea of learning what goes on with them scares the shnick out of me.


For me, learning how a predator thinks was a key part of learning why I'm different.

The fact that I understand how a predator thinks is extremely frightening at times.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#195143 - 12/13/07 08:07 PM Re: book on predators [Re: BJK]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
if people understand it then can somebody please tell me why? why do they do it? it's hard to believe there is an answer that will satisfy any survivor.


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#195145 - 12/13/07 08:10 PM Re: book on predators [Re: BJK]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
My own experience with this is that my T has worked with both perps and survivors. I was set free of the shame, guilt, and fear that was put on me by my perps by learning how they thought and acted.
What they do and how they work. However! She did not disclose any of this information until I was ready to hear it. when I misunderstood what happened and why she helped me to understand.
This new information literally set me free. My life has not been the same since that night. I'm free, and freedom is a wonderful thing \:\)
I still have lots of emotion to work through and things trigger me but I write about them now or talk to someone instead of keeping it inside. I have to relearn life, emotion, experiences, everything has changed, its all new.

This has been my experience and I can only speak for me. Due to the nature of my abuse and my experience this information was my ticket to freedom. I can't change my past but now I don't have to live in it..
peace
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#195150 - 12/13/07 08:28 PM Re: book on predators [Re: GateKPR4]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
"This study is the first step on the road toward normalizing pedophilia - just as homosexuality has been mainstreamed, to the point where tolerance is no longer sufficient: We now have to "embrace" it."

uh... that implies homosexuality is on the same level as pedophilia. how dumb.


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#195154 - 12/13/07 08:38 PM Re: book on predators [Re: Jarrad]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: Jarrad

uh... that implies homosexuality is on the same level as pedophilia. how dumb.


I couldn't help but notice that the article played off homosexuality in an extremely negative light.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#195162 - 12/13/07 08:52 PM Re: book on predators [Re: evanesence]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: evanesence
if people understand it then can somebody please tell me why? why do they do it? it's hard to believe there is an answer that will satisfy any survivor.


You're right, becaust it is almost impossble to describe the feelings of a predator without sounding empathetic. I'll try.

There is an emptiness inside of a predator that can only be filled in one way. They must face extreme emotional anguish in order to fill that emptiness, and some people are just not strong enough to do that. The result is that they reach for temporary fixes to fill that emptiness. Some people turn to drugs, alcohol, or other short term compulsive behaviors. Some people become predators.

Maybe someone like Ken can fill in some of the holes here, but I believe there are two distinct types of predators, as well as a number of predators who fit the criteria of both types to varying degrees. There are the ones who do not feel any emotion, so they are incapable of understanding how their actions will hurt the people they are preying upon. And then there are the predators who actually feel that they are doing what they do to children because they love them. This second type of predator does not know what love truly is. What they feel when they abuse children is something that resembles love in a distorted way, but the fact is that these predators are actually co-dependent upon children because they have the desire to feel loved. Oftentimes, they do not know the difference between love and sex. They feel that the ultimate way to get a child to love them is to give the child sexual favors. All they ask for in return is love. But of course, this co-dependent love will not completely fill the emptiness they have inside.

It's sad, scary, and disgusting. However, at the same time, I take solace in one minor fact regarding my abuser, my mother. I have had the pleasure of loving a child and having that child love me in return without any co-dependent factors involved. The love is unconditional both ways. My mother will never experience this, so even though I've been through a lot of turmoil because of her, it's hard for me to not feel pity for anyone who has never experienced that joy.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#195170 - 12/13/07 11:16 PM Re: book on predators [Re: BJK]
evanesence Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
thanks Bryan i think your right but i also believe that there is at least one more type or predator,the most dangerous ,because they do feel emotion and lots of times knew love themselves,but they dont seek want or need love to them the kid is like an object not even a person,i can only speak from my experience ,and he was like an addict but his drug was innocence,it wasn't about love or power it was about stealing my innocence,lots of guys ask,why me ?it's because we were innocent,not weak or somehow flawed. he could have gone out and paid a fifteen year old for the sex stuff ,but thats not what he wanted,a kid is like a sponge and only so much can be wrung out of it ,and like any drug it takes more over time to get the same buzz. as it progressed i became less and less innocent,when the sex didn't satisfy him any longer he used pain ,most kids are as innocent of pain as they are of sex.but the sponge only holds so much sooner or later it runs dry ,thats one reason most offenders have mutiple victims ,the sad part is what happens to the kid when he can't provide the buzz anymore? if he's lucky he can just walk away ,if not he gets replaced and he just disappears,like the hornbeck kid in the news ,what would have happend to him ?his abuser had found another younger kid to take his place ,once the younger kid was trained was he just gonna let shawn go? that kids days were numbered for sure.these are the ones that don't get caught because they don't leave any witnesses behind.


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#195172 - 12/14/07 12:17 AM Re: book on predators [Re: evanesence]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I don't think pedophiles can be classified in little boxes. Each one is different and separate in his/her story. I don't think there are "sets" of pedophiles, just like there's no sets of victims. No two are the same, but I think there are generalized similarities.

Some pedophiles have said they have felt it since childhood, others "turn to" it, like Bryan said.

We can't really know what happens for them to turn out that way -- especially when we're unwilling to learn from them and those that work with them. As hard as it is, and as much as we want to punish them, I think it's important to talk to them and ask the hard questions -- and listen open-mindedly -- if we hope to stamp out abuse in the reality.

So in my opinion that's why these books are important. \:\)

Hugs!

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#195181 - 12/14/07 04:05 AM Re: book on predators [Re: evanesence]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
evanesence:

It's impossible for me to beleive that the person you describe is capable of feeling emotions like love, sorrow, regret, guilt, or empathy. They may put on a good act, but inside I see only emptyness.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
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