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#194859 - 12/11/07 07:44 PM Thoughts from Inside
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
If you loved me
Really loved me
You would run to me with open arms
And cradle me to sleep at night
And tell me it will be all right
And carry me to bed
Your softness next to mine
Your warmth protecting me from cold
And you would never leave me there alone

I hate the night
And what it does
The emptiness
It's blackness
He stands there in the night
Just stands there
I feel his presence
The blackness of his soul, far deeper than the blackness of the night
And you have gone
I hate you for leaving
But I am not afraid
Strange
I am so afraid of the dark
Of what I cannot see
But not of him
I know him
Know who he is
There is no love there
A loin
A penis
Balls
Strong arms
Arms that will pick me up and carry me away
But no emotion
And, so, I too have none
Just a sort of stiffness in my body
A waiting
For he will not stand there long
When he does his things
I will feel his body
I will see him
For he will have taken me into the light
His body will be warm
The things he does will not hurt me
Discomfort
But not hurting
Feelings I would rather not have
But not hurting
But I will feel no emotion from him
Nothing
As he does these things
Only feel his probing fingers
Manipulating hands
And then he will carry me back to my crib
And lay me gently down

I think these thoughts as a man
I feel them as a man
Yet, I am in my child's body
I, too feel her warmth
I too know, and accept that she will not stay
That he will be coming
It is life
My child's life
And now, in this strange way, mine

The next day, he would play
He would smile
He would laugh
And, then, one day, a man would fall into pieces
In ungodly pain
Sink to his knees in anguish
And wonder where she was

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#194869 - 12/11/07 08:12 PM Re: Thoughts from Inside [Re: Bobby]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

I am so sorry. It should never have been like this for you; you deserved to be safe and protected, like all boys deserve.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#194911 - 12/12/07 12:20 AM Re: Thoughts from Inside [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
(((Bobby))) You are so right on target about so many things in this.

_________________________
Eddie

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#195831 - 12/18/07 05:19 PM Re: Thoughts from Inside [Re: EGL]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Even when I was an adult and told my mother she didn't believe me "oh Dan, that couldn't have happened" What a horrible imagination I must have had, Mom.
Poor little guy, alone for so long unprotected and vulnerable.
A victim of an evil loose in the world!!!
My tears are there for all of us and my joy for all of us when
healing descends.
Thanks, Bobby!!!

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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