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#194744 - 12/10/07 09:04 PM Sex addiction and emotional anorexia
gravitas Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 18
Hello,

I just joined. This site is great.

I was molested when I was 6 through to 7 years old. I locked it away in my brain and never thought about it.

I just figured I had a very high libido. I'm a young man, in good shape, etc. Anway, I began watching a documentary on sex addiction a few months ago and it was shown that 90% of those people suffered from sexual abuse as a child. That the molestation manifested itself into a sex addiction.

I have had sex with hundreds of women. And now it is all coming together. I want to stop - I abstained for 2 months but could not resist any longer. I always use condoms and had about 5 STD checks over the past two months - all negative.

I notice there is talk of "base line". What is this? I am "stepping down" to hopefully reach total abstinence. For the past 12 months, I have "abstained" from protected vaginal sex, and only ever had protected oral sex. I abtained totally for 2 months but it was impossible. Now, I have begun to "abstain" from protected oral sex, and will only participate in mutual masturbation.

Is this a good strategy? Is this normal to have such urges? I cannot control myself, but, thankfully, I have learned to abstain from vaginal sex - which was a big step. Now abtsaining from oral sex is another big step. Maybe, soon, I can abstain from mutual masturbation with women.

Thanks for the help!



Edited by gravitas (12/17/07 06:50 PM)

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#194762 - 12/11/07 12:15 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: gravitas]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Hey, Gravitas. \:\) Welcome to Male Survivor!! Glad you found us!

Have you considered Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and/or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)? They've helped me tremendously. I think it is the best way to control addictive sexual behavior. For me therapy and SLAA, and my recovery friends, have really saved my life -- literally.

Do I think just abstaining is a good idea? Not if you do it by yourself with no support. That NEVER worked for me. But with caring people who can relate it made it so much easier, and I didn't think I was some kind of monster anymore.

You say you can't control yourself? Do you feel powerless?

Just a suggestion. \:\) Keep coming!


_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#194775 - 12/11/07 07:51 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: AndyJB2005]
gravitas Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 18
Thanks Andy.

What do you mean it saved your life? Did you used to have unsafe sex? or was it too overwheling (the addiction)?

I have no control because while I consiously tell myself not to do it, I can't help myself. So, yes, I do feel powerless. Although, i'm proud that I restrict myself to non-vaginal sex so that was a big step.

Thanks again for your help!!!


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#194789 - 12/11/07 10:46 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: gravitas]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Hey again, Gravitas. \:\)

For me, my addiction was leading me on fast path to either jail or death. I had tried to get the courage to kill myself a number of times before finding help, out of shame, and it was just a matter of time the courage was found. If it wasn't for SLAA and my other forms of support (therapy, my online group, etc), I would've been one of those two for sure by now. So that's how it saved my life, really.

Yes, you could say I had unhealthy sexual habits. Still do today but I have a much better hold of it than say 4 years ago.

Here's a questionnaire from the SLAA website. Might be worth taking a look at.

40 questions 40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis

Good luck man!!! Give it a shot if you want. Like they say, if you don't like it they'll gladly refund your misery. ;\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#194916 - 12/12/07 12:31 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: AndyJB2005]
gravitas Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 18
Thanks Andy,

I'll PM you for some more info on the online group.

Appreciate your hhelp!


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#194949 - 12/12/07 08:53 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: gravitas]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Hi Gravitas,

I've been there too - lots of out of control addictive sex and feeling miserable. Like Andy, I found help in SAA. I encourage you to check them or SLAA out. SAA has lots of telemeetings that you can check out by phone, if there are no local meetings near you.

Peace, Mike5


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#195126 - 12/13/07 06:50 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: mike5]
gravitas Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 18
Thanks mike!


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#195631 - 12/17/07 10:16 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: gravitas]
Csmith Offline
New Here

Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 12
Loc: Portland, OR
Andy -

I checked out the site. Amazingly hitting home with me. The emotional anorexia was spot on. I'm still in awe of how much it described what I have gone through for years.

If you don't mind, could I get the online meeting info, as well?

thanks
C



Edited by Csmith (12/17/07 10:16 AM)

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#195638 - 12/17/07 11:01 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: Csmith]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Sure, C!

Go to this link: http://63.79.14.90/cgi-bin/irc.cgi

- Type in a nick name under "Nick"

- Under "Channel" type #slaa

- Hit "login"

It should take you to the main room. \:\)

Meeting times are at: 12:00pm EST, 4:30pm EST and 10:00pm EST Daily.

Also, if you happen to have the mIRC program, there's a way to get to it with that, too. Let me know if you need that info. \:\)

Hope to see you there!

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#195694 - 12/17/07 06:51 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: AndyJB2005]
gravitas Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 18
I also have emotional anorexia - inability to love a woman etc.

I added it to the title. It is a real issue.

Best wishes


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