Newest Members
Won'tGiveUp, sillyputty, Pytbull, manipulated, donmarks
12383 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Alan Fountain (52), blindpet (31), egoror (49), Midas (33), uwa (78)
Who's Online
1 registered (Bardo), 24 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12383 Members
74 Forums
63646 Topics
444507 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#194690 - 12/10/07 01:22 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: DeafDavid]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
David,

Thank you for your post.

And thank you for being a wonderful friend to someone who really needed a friend. I'm sure he got as much benefit our of your friendship as you did, perhaps more.

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

Top
#194699 - 12/10/07 03:00 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Lazarus]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Jarrad,

Thank you bringing up this topic regarding AIDS. I am HIV+ myself. The day I found out I was HIV+ I withdraw into myself, protecting myself from others. I am now too scared to ask a woman out as I find it difficult to keep things secret.

I have lived in secrecy too long. I hope you are ok and doing well.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

Top
#194714 - 12/10/07 05:29 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: duncanUK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey Laz, your post was very touching, thank you. Just wanted to say and I know it's not quite the same because I'm sure it's more painful to have to expect to lose someone before they're time but it also reminded me of my grandmother when my grandfather died. I could see the toll it was taking on her and she died almost twenty years after him. It hurt to see her lose her soulmate. I think that eventually we all will lose the one we love and have to watch the other deteriorate at the end. It just seems to be a part of life.

I hope you know I'm not minimizing the effect of losing someone before their normal time. Just thought that we all take this chance with finding love. Glad you found love, you have lots of friends who will help you if and when the time comes. Love is it my friends, the reason.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#194726 - 12/10/07 07:43 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: MemoryVault]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
Originally Posted By: MemoryVault
Wow. I know you don't want to get all PC on him for a stupid nickname, but that was pretty insensitive.


haha taken out of context it does. but its not like that at all. all of our friends have code words we just use to identify them. its more humorous than anything.

but anyway.. thanks for all the postss. my friend and i had a pretty good conversation about it. i told him that i shouldnt be freaking out about it because really it was his life. but he said that he understood and it proves that i love him. which is true. and upon further discussion i learned aids boy is a bottom too (as well as my friend) and since two bottoms dont make a top, anal sex is out of the question. so the only viable option for sex for them is with toys.. which.. god.. lifted this huge weight off.


Top
#194727 - 12/10/07 07:46 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
and duncan, it was difficult for me to learn how/when/where to disclose my status to my partners. and no matter how many times i do it, it still sucks. you can't really drop the bomb gracefully. in my experience its better to tell sooner rather than later.. they tend to get less psyhco. good luck bud. lemme know if you want to talk. i have a lot of med experience as well.


Top
#200631 - 01/21/08 08:56 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
What an interesting array of responses in this thread and it is reassuring to read the generosity and understanding that goes beyond CSA support.

I say that because I am HIV+ since 1985, (now AIDS diagnosed). I have had my share of lousy experiences and rejection because of it. I really identified with Jarrad's disclosure struggle because there is no textbook solution or recipe when to disclose. For me, I always have to tell and that is such a variable depending on the situation. It further complicates relationships, intimacy and trust. For me is one more issue and baggage.

However, because I have been abstinent for a long time because CSA has me confused about when sex is right, and so on. Most of us can relate to that part of intimacy and trust issues. I am grateful to see this being addressed here...Thank you Jarrad and others.

The intimacy alone is an issue because as survivors we tend to have difficulty with it, (without speaking for everyone). I am actually not sure what intimacy is and am just beginning to know real trust and love after much work. I am not fully there yet and that is partly why I am abstinent. It is a smart and safe road I am on. It is not always easy.

Then there is the whole disclosure issue because AIDS is and rightfully should be a red flag rather than something to be treated lightly or ignored. So combine confusion about trust, love and intimacy with disclosing that I am positive and there is a recipe for loneliness, stress and loss. But please, no pity parties here guys. Understanding and respect are what is most appreciated. That reaction helps build trust. At least that is how I read it now. Thankfully, I have been seeing that in the posts and in this thread.

Another facet of this reality is I have a horrible body image which is also common among survivors and then...there is low self esteem. These are a bit more pronounced in our CSA culture and more still in gay culture. I am aging and I also am about 40 pounds overweight with some physical changes with fat being redistributed to some degree on my frame. Self-acceptance is the real key here for me... but true for all of us.

I cannot tell you the number of No's I have received in all sorts of situations unless I were degrading myself, placing myself at risk by acting out sexually. The truth is I was inwardly crying out for human contact, validation or attention. In reality it was a lie to deceive myself into the belief (distorted thinking) that I was valued or loved. But gratefully, I am getting stronger. Like the saying goes: "That which does not kill you will make you stronger". Some days are real dark but I am getting stronger and so far it has not killed me. Collectively it almost did but I have been given grace repeatedly.

So yes guys, disclosure is hard, just like surviving is hard but I thank God for the supports and grace which have not only made me more determined to try, but I am a better man for all of it and certainly kinder and more compassionate. Those gifts have come through this site, you guys who are my brothers in this recovery and healing process. And especially from a wonderful therapist... and for myself God has always been there every step of the way. Even if you cannot connect with faith or God, He has been on my journey.

I did not intend to stray far from the point of disclosure and understanding but telling the story in a meaningful way not only helps me but hopefully helps you who read it. I have not had that real love experience that included intimacy, respect and meaningful sex, but maybe I will and maybe I won't. Regardless, the journey itself is meaningful and that counts for a whole lot. I have finally learned it's not about the sex. Not that sex is necessarily bad. But hopefully it will always be healthy.

As I wrap this up, I say thanks to all who share their stories, support and understanding because it all matters. We are lessons to each other. And again Jarrad, thank you for your courage.

In Peace,
Dan


Top
#200656 - 01/21/08 11:03 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Danbuff]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
hey thanks for your post dan. its actually really amazing how many poz guys we have on the site. its quite high acutally.


Top
#200750 - 01/22/08 01:53 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Jarrad,
I am not that aware of many other poz guys on here. I only know of one besides me and you. But for me it is a real big issue whenever it came to disclosure. Other than that, I don't allow it to interfere in my daily life. I have never seen it in the Gay forum which I might add that I think it should be in there considering this is a male survivors site. Not that AIDS is exclusively gay but the heterosexual guys are not all that attuned to it per se. Regardless, it is an issue worth addressing.
Dan


Top
#200798 - 01/22/08 10:04 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Danbuff]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
a lot of guys have PMed me about it. this place is crawling with us.


Top
#200805 - 01/22/08 11:40 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Guys have PMd you they are gay or Poz? I know there are plenty of Gay guys here Jarrad. I have talked to them too, I see the posts in the Gay forum. I just have not seen more than two Poz guys besides me and you're one of them.

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.