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#194570 - 12/09/07 12:56 PM aids boy (triggers)
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i didnt think this would affect me as much as it did. a while back my friend came to me asking wether or not he should persue advances from a guy who was HIV+. being poz myself, and him being one of my closest friends, i said no. i said that its not worth it. this is me trying to protect him. but i know that i have sex with neg people all the time. i woke up to an email this morning

"i let aids boy blow me."

his nickname is aids boy. we have nicknames for everyone. but it kinda knocked the wind out of me. i am really torn on this one.. i dont want my friend to get hurt but i know that aids boy desereves to be loved too. makes me question my actions as a poz guy. i dont know.. kinda just puts me in a funk.


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#194571 - 12/09/07 01:07 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Sorry Jarrad-Steve


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#194573 - 12/09/07 01:13 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: sabata]
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Sorry Jarrad... I can see why it would kind of put ya in a funk. Torn between wanting to keep your friend safe and all. Just keep being you your a great person.

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#194575 - 12/09/07 01:35 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey, you do deserve to be loved too Jarrad. I think it's more important for you to find a lover, as opposed to just sexual partners. This makes it much more safer for others because you would care more about the consequences. You and other HIV+'s can talk more openly about the safety needed in your position (insert dirty thought's here). Nothing needs to change in you having a loving relationship, just the precautions need to be addressed.

I wish you more than anyone to find your soul-mate Jarrad

Love ya Brother
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#194606 - 12/09/07 08:15 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: mogigo]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
thanks mike.


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#194657 - 12/10/07 10:08 AM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Jarrad]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow. I know you don't want to get all PC on him for a stupid nickname, but that was pretty insensitive.

Originally Posted By: Jarrad
i dont want my friend to get hurt but i know that aids boy desereves to be loved too.


It's their choice to make. Like the Queen (of England!), your role is just to "advise and warn" (and put up with obnoxious comments from the public).

I second Mike -- there's more to you than sex and health. I hope you find people in your real life who value you for your mind and heart, whether friends or lovers.

David


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#194667 - 12/10/07 11:32 AM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: MemoryVault]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
I want to add my "third" to the thread - you are not defined by your orientation or your HIV status or as a CSA survivor - you are a whole person, and when there is a comment that pidgeon holes you, it can be very painful....

I have come to know you from your posts, and yes, you are gay, HIV+... but you are also funny, smart, sensative, VERY provocative, honest, scared, happy, silly, serious..... All the things that make up a very complete, interesting human who has much to share with others.

"Bald Dan"

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#194671 - 12/10/07 11:54 AM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: MemoryVault]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
As an HIV- gay man in a LTR with an HIV+ guy, I have a couple of observations on this topic that might be relevant.

First, it's harder on me than I thought it would be. I love Kent deeply, and watching him slowly deteriorate is painful. He's been through several surgeries and two total hip replacements because of his HIV, and now his left shoulder is starting to ache. I have to wonder if he's going to need to have his shoulders replaced too, eventually.

Every new complication is life threatening, and many times I have checked on him if he sleeps late to make sure that he is still alive. I worry about his health constantly.

I knew he was POZ when I met him. I figured, "Well, he could die from AIDS, but then again he could be hit by a bus just as easily." What I didn't know was that I was going to end up worrying about every bus on the highway.

It's also hell on our sex life. We know we have to be careful, and while that's fine with a new lover (will all the passion that exists with 'new love') but with a life-partner you need spontanaeity and some good old fun, without having to worry about condoms or who cums when and where...

So, if I could do it all over, knowing what I know now, would I still choose to marry Kent? I don't know. He says that if it weren't for me he'd be dead by now, and I feel good about helping him. He's also saved me from myself a couple of times. He's a good co-Dad to my kids. When he's feeling well, he's a lot of fun to be with, and one of the most vivacious and outgoing people I've ever met. But he's feeling well less and less often these days.

The risk of physical injury to me and my kids is extremely small. He's very careful about that, and so am I. But the risk of EMOTIONAL injury to me and my kids is a certainty. I KNOW I will outlive him (unless I get hit by a bus...) and his passing will be excruciatingly painful.

When she was 4 years old, my daughter taught me an important lesson by asking me a question. It was her birthday, and I had gotten a helium tank and lots of balloons, but she didn't want to blow them up. "If I blow them up, they WILL pop, Daddy. If I don't blow them up, I'll never get to enjoy them. What should I do?" she asked me...

"Blow them up, Sweetie," I told her. "It's better to enjoy them for as long as you can, than to never have enjoyed them at all." I enjoy Kent, and I will miss him terribly when he is gone. But it would have been all the more shame if I had never known him at all...

Life is full of choices, and each one carries it's own risks and it's own rewards. We can only decide for ourselves if it is worth it.

(Sorry this post is so long, Jarrad. I hope you made it through it... LOL)

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#194687 - 12/10/07 01:13 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: Lazarus]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Lazarus,

Your words remind me of a quote I shared with my best friend recently... I think they are fitting here:

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more. -- Erica Jong

My wife was diagnosed 6 years ago with a chronic disease that makes some days hell. She went from being a full time business woman and the most incredible coparent - everything was 50/50 between us. Now, somedays, she is on the couch all day. Doing a load of laundry or driving the kids to school or even making herself lunch is painful, tiring and discouraging... Almost all of the responsibilities are shifted onto me, espcially when she is in a flair (like now). She is often in pain, and that, coupled with my survivor issues, has led to a nonexistant sexlife - we have intimacy, but not physically

- but her illness has been amazing in that it has taught us so much about living in the moment, being content with what we have, and celebrating the times when she is feeling well.

Jarrad, didn't mean to hijack the thread, but, as always, your posts gets me thinking. And thanks, Lazarus, for sharing your experiences as well... makes me think of the line from Rent... "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... There's no day like today"

Peace
Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#194688 - 12/10/07 01:17 PM Re: aids boy (triggers) [Re: dannym]
DeafDavid Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/17/06
Posts: 38
Loc: NM
Thanks guys for this topic..

I am a 17 year old guy and I have never known a time where HIV did not exist. I just wanted to share something with you guys about my experience. When I grew up living at my parents house, we had a neighbor down the road that had AIDS and I always just knew that about him and it was a part of being him as far as I was concerned. He was a loner like me and we became friends and remained friends for many years. He was a massage therapist and other healing therapist as well. He was the only person that knew I was being abused at home and did what he could to help. We both talked for hours and hours about everything in our lives, good and bad. There is no way I could explain what all I received from this friendship and I can only hope he was rewarded with a small fraction of the benefit that I got out of it. As time went on, he became more ill and I became the one helping him rather than the way it was before. It became harder for him to speak clearly or sign with me so we stopped communicating in the same way we did before. Our friendship became just us being there with each other and towards the end I would just hold his hand or lay with him and hold him. When he died I was with him and felt such loss I wanted to die as well.

As time has past I still think often of him and feel grateful of what we shared and now the pain has changed. I now feel totally grateful I was close to my best friend and would never wish I didn't get close to him in the first place.

I guess I went a little off topic here. I just wanted to share that in my experience, if I had stayed away from this man because of his HIV status, I would never have had the best friend I ever had.

My two cents...

David


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