Were do i start ?.

First im sorry if im moaning again, i know i sound like a broken record. But i dont know what to do anymore.

Today i looked at myself. Im so ashamed that im scared. Scared of the future and scared of life. This might not sound much to some, but to me its fucked up.
My stepdad and others taught me that any feeling was a weakness. I could never be scared and if i showed any feeling it was beaten out of me.
Then when i was in the army, it just carried on. I never felt anything not one thing. Now its all going wrong and i dont know what to do.
I feel so small and scared. It feels so overwhelming, its like a second skin. Ive never had emotions like this before and i dont know how to handle it. Im jumping at everything and then i get angry for being scared, then i get paranoid. Even just being at this site is making me paranoid. This site has helped me in so many ways, but panic about what will people here think of me, and am i just annoying people.
Im finding it hard to think straight with all this pressure in my head.
Sorry sorry.

Seven Arrows,

You are going through a hell of a time and I have often felt at a loss as to what to suggest. Perhaps the best thing to tell you here and now is that you don't need to feel paranoid about coming here or worry about what we will think. You aren't annoying anyone; we are all on your side and you don't need to apologize for how you feel about things.

Much love,
Larry

Hey,

No need to apologize... I oftentimes struggle with those paranoid thoughts... not only of the people here but of my family and even close friends. It seems when my brain is set on making enemies mode there isn't much I can do about it but ride out the storm and hope that I don't screw anything up too much.

One thing thats good to know though while you go through this, is that you are your worst critic... I doubt anyone here is thinking ill of you for posting this

Keep posting, and stay strong.
~Brian