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#1938 - 07/30/03 10:19 PM thanks for the messages
theduke Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/29/03
Posts: 5
Loc: central usa
for the first time in a long time i fell better for telling the truth about what happened to me as a child. you and my wife are the only ones that has been informed except for the whole hospital staff back in the 80's. it was embarrassing enough then i thought i could stop as my physcian had told me to stop. i never had a experience with another male and i find that strange. my wife and i have a great sexual experience as she is just getting over breast cancer. she suggested this for me and i already feel better for the responses that i have already received. it is strange that the urge is not there always and i can't descibe the feeling when the urge hits it just comes out of nowhere and i have dealt with it really good i think as i have only done it five times since the mid 80's but as i fight the urge it does take me away from my family mentally that is the real catch sometimes i drink to drive it away or just have 3 or 4 really bad mood days hating what happened to me but in here i feel that you all are genuine and totally honest and even let my read the messages that you send as she is on a suvivors chat herself with other women recovering from breast cancer thanks guys for you support

_________________________
the duke

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#1939 - 07/30/03 10:31 PM Re: thanks for the messages
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
the duke,

I'm glad to hear you are getting some relief! Boy, that stuff is really hard to bear when we feel so ashamed that we have to bear it alone.

They say that a burden shared is lighter by half, and that's what happens to me here. Just getting it out of my head and letting people who understand in on the 'secret' is enough to make life seem tolerable.

No magic bullet solutions, no hocus-pocus, no sending away for special elixirs; just honestly sharing what seems impossibly hard to share, and sharing it with men who understand because they have all been there where we are. That's where the miracles occur. It's available to anyone with the guts to show up and speak out.

That's the great secret of this place for me.

Sounds like you have a wonderfully courageous partner in your wife. Hey, the duke, you must have some pretty damned good qualities, because women like her don't mess around with guys who aren't worthwhile.

Take some time to congratulate yourself. you have just done one of the most difficult things humans are called upon to do. To appear before god and others at our most vulnerable, when we are the most lost and confused. That takes a real man with real courage.

You're doing a heroic thing by sharing here. No telling how many men you may have helped; how many people you may have saved from living the torture you have had to go through because you care enough and are brave enough to speak up.

Way to go, buddy. I'm glad you're here. You are helping me a lot.

Hope to hear more from you as the days go by.

Thanks.

Your brother,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#1940 - 07/31/03 10:33 AM Re: thanks for the messages
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Duke: Danny said some very important things in his reply and I want you to take special not of them.
Quote:
No telling how many men you may have helped; how many people you may have saved from living the torture you have had to go through because you care enough and are brave enough to speak up.
Just by posting you have helped us all. Additionall you have given us the gift of trust. And that is a huge thing for we survivors. Think of it. What do we fear most when we are hiding. Trusting someone!!!


Quote:
No magic bullet solutions, no hocus-pocus, no sending away for special elixirs; just honestly sharing what seems impossibly hard to share, and sharing it with men who understand because they have all been there where we are. That's where the miracles occur. It's available to anyone with the guts to show up and speak out.
And you showed up. We are all happy that you found us. It is up to us to carry the message to anyone who will listen about MSORG. It is our duty. Think of all of those men young and old who have yet to find us. Think of all the boys and men on the verge of being abused. That is thr really tough one. You have listed posted and shared. It in one more voice added to the chorus.
Some day that chorus will be such a roar that we will no longer be ignored.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#1941 - 07/31/03 07:05 PM Re: thanks for the messages
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
The Duke
A John Wayne fan ?

Anyway, what you talk about is almost certainly linked to your abuse, and forced ememas are abuse.

Many of us act out our abuse as adults in an effort to regain control over what happened to us as kids.
There might be variations on the theme, but usually it appears that we re-enact it to do it on "our terms"
Because I was supposed to be so good at giving bj's at school, it's what I did when I acted out as an adult.

It doesn't work though, we never regain that control. Not through acting out anyway.

We regain control by learning to understand the way the abuse affects our minds, our self esteem, and all the other things affected by the abuse.

Unfortunately it sometimes takes a long while to realise we can't regain control on our own, I took 31 years to figure it out.
But once I did, the effort of recovery became worth every scrap of energy it took.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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