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#193449 - 12/02/07 11:21 AM I am loved - a breakthrough for me
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
This morning I found out a friend of mine was in the hospital, he had just received a pace maker. I went to the hospital to see him and went to the CCU. I met some other friends there and his daughter. When I seen Bill "one of my best friends" I just lost it.
These are people from my former AA home group. My sponsor was the one in CCU. I went in and looked at him and just broke down in tears. I told him he was like a father to me and stumbling for words. With tears in his eyes he looked me in the eye and said I love you too Richard. I said I love you too Scott.
For the first time in my life I could say I love you to a man and not have some sort of sexual thought pop into my head or feel dirty. The experience was positive. Very freeing Like I broke out of a shell and there was a new world out there. People really do love me, now I know love in a different way, one I had not experienced before.

I leveled with my friends about the cult and csa and why I left AA. They were very supportive and I asked why they had not called and they thought I was going to meetings up here in my new town.
I live about 30 minutes from where I used to live. Well we got it all worked out and I was overwhelmed by the support.

Bill and I talked for two hours and he said my experience reminded him of a few Vietnam Veterans he knows w/PTSD. I guess in a way I was in a war. Today it is in my own head but the difference is I have new weapons - knowledge, honesty,truth, and the support of you all here at MS.
Peace
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m__m__
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#193469 - 12/02/07 01:59 PM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: GateKPR4]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
so glad for you-rick-------------steve


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#193472 - 12/02/07 02:35 PM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: GateKPR4]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Rick, I am so glad that you were able to experience it. I agree with you when you sayyou feel like you are in a battle/war with your mind. Hopefully we can both win the battle and the war.

Have a happy holiday season!

Dan M.


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#193494 - 12/02/07 08:28 PM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: DanM]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Rick,

Very moving post. You know, my experience is much the same in a way. I had people all the time who loved me, I just didn't know it, you know? It's like my eyes were finally opened and I could perceive for the first time that it was indeed a fact. What a revelation!

I'm glad you were able to make this breakthrough. How very good for you! Bravo!

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
Lifes journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting Holy ____! What a ride! ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#193508 - 12/02/07 10:22 PM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rick,

It's a powerful experience when we discover that we deserve love just as yourselves, for our value as human beings, and that our value cannot be measured in terms of our usefulness as someone else's sexual target. I'm so glad you have reached this breakthrough experience.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#193540 - 12/03/07 05:48 AM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thank you for all the support, your replies are important to me especially since I am only at the start of my dealing with mcsa.
I swore I would never talk about the abuse and now I can't shut up about it. at least here on MS. This site has been a god send for me.
peace
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m__m__
|| || || || || || |

Top
#193542 - 12/03/07 05:55 AM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: GateKPR4]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Rick---------------------you are doing great-----------------keep moving foreward---------------steve


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#193578 - 12/03/07 11:57 AM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: GateKPR4]
thesun3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 49
Hello Rick...Your post brings hope that there can be true love and respect between men. Thanks

_________________________
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
Camus

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#193580 - 12/03/07 12:17 PM Re: I am loved - a breakthrough for me [Re: thesun3]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Very cool news, Rick!

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
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When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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