I'm new to this site. I've been married for 8 years to a survivor and although he's been in therapy with a counselor, she didn't specialize and we've taken more steps backwards than forwards (lots of affairs, lying, etc.) It seems like every therapist I've been to is not very hopeful for his recovery or at least believes it's time for me to move on. The thing is, I'm still not ready to give up hope. One therapist suggested I may be co-dependent. How can you tell if it's codependence or just a lot of love that keeps you from not leaving? Also, he's now finally decided to enroll in some groups and see a therapist that specializes. Are there any groups that are available for partners? Thanks and kudos to those of you who started this site for loved ones. It's a big help to feel like I'm not alone.

I would love to know about this also. My bf is a survivor that hasn't started getting any help. I'm actually the first person he has told and I'm so lost, not sure what my place is to help him. I'm stressing over this because his CSA has been playing a role and taking a toll on our relationship and I need some hope that I should stick around or if I'm just stupid for even trying....HELP : /

wow - 2 of you at once - it's nice to have you join in but at the same time we are always so sorry you have to be here!

at any rate, FNF is working on getting a kind of introduction sticky on the board so maybe you can take a look at that thread and see if some of that helps you out.

obviously, since both of you posted on the same one - you can see you certainly aren't alone; most unfortunately, male survivors of csa are plentiful.

take your time here, read some topics, check out the resources and ask all the questions you want.

to hopenlove - it's crucial if one is going to therapy to find one who specializes in csa - it's also important to find someone who can give you hope, duh!! i think i'd lose my temper pretty quick with a so-called professional who started in on being negative - especially when the whole point of visiting a therapist is to make one's life better! well, yeah, anyone can just say, cut off your leg if it hurts so much - but hey doc, how about fixing the pain so i don't have to cut it off?

there are links on here also about finding a good therapist and lots of threads about it also.

so read on, ladies, join in, share as you wish. i'm sure others will have comments also.

all the best,
indy

Hopen,

Your not alone, I to have been married 8 years and it has been very hard. My husband has found a wonderful theripist. That is one thing I have to say that has helped so much. I to am codependent. I just found out this about 1 week ago. I am also seeing the same theripist. It is so important that you do focus on your feeling as well. I want to support my husband as much as I can, but I still feel drained, and weak, and well alone. I have also chosen to stay with my husband through the rough times. I love him with all my heart. But I am realizing that if I do want our marriage to work I do need to work on setting healthy boundries for myself.

Wanted to let you know I am here for you...pm me anytime I visit this site often, as I don't have really anywhere else to turn right now in this hard time in our life.

Amanda