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#193420 - 12/02/07 08:12 AM I Just Dont Understand
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
When does the crying stop????????????????????the feeling sad???????????????????????The Hurt?????????????????In my Heart?????????????????????I just Dont Understand--------------------A Few Weeks Ago I Was Fine------------------Content with my safe little world--------------------------something snapped----------------now i am feeling-------------------Tears Drip Out Of my Eyes For no Reason---------------There is No Stopping it-----------------------I Am Anxious-Irrtable------Sad----------Dirtressed______DEfentaly Dont Want To be Around People----------For Them To See Me Thios Way---------------------For them To See How Easiley I can Be Hurt---------------Would Like To go Back---------------------To Just Being Content---------------But Now This Gate Has Been Opened----------------------Thier Is No Going Back--------------------Whats Wrong with me------------------------------------I Am A Man---------------I Shouldnt Be Going Threw This------------------------Men Suck It Up-------And Just Get On With Things------------------------I Feel Like Such A Whimp----------------------------------Work Saids-Just Smile----------Steve-----------------Gee I Wish It Was That Easy-------------------Just Dont Understand--------------------------Sorry Guys------------------------------Rambling On


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#193432 - 12/02/07 09:44 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: sabata]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hey, Steve.

I still think that not being content with the "safe little world" is a good thing, the first step to saying "I want more than this." It's a bird pecking its way out of its egg and realizing it's cold out there.

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Can you let it just happen? "Just get on with things" is a way of avoiding the problem -- facing the pain doesn't mean you're less of a man -- it takes a &^(*#$-load of courage!

David

PS--and that doesn't mean you're alone with it! We're here.



Edited by MemoryVault (12/02/07 09:44 AM)

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#193436 - 12/02/07 10:09 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: MemoryVault]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
sabata,
I am experiencing the same thing, I have cried more in the past month than in my whole life. I am learning to let it just happen and I feel better after. I can't suck it up anymore. I loose it at just about anything that triggers me. Sometimes I don't even know what it is that triggered the crying. All I know today is that it is OK to cry. It's only been a month of dealing with the csa issue for me. I have learned that emotions are normal and healthy. Heck I used to be a your typical stereotype punk,rocker,thug. I'm a man damn it! I am also human and I do have emotions.
No need to be sorry, I think many of us here can relate.
I just posted yesterday on yet another emotional breakdown and breakthrough. It's all new to me and its not easy. I don't have the control I used to so I have to stop fighting and go with it.
peace & blessings
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#193437 - 12/02/07 10:12 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: MemoryVault]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
David--Thanks-----------yea i have been going with -this feeling------------------when does it end----------or does it-----------the tears-------------------thanks for your concern--------------------------my best to you----------steve


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#193438 - 12/02/07 10:15 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks----Rick----------------yea i have been loosing it over little things------------i guess its just all so new to me-----------------------------feeling--------------i hope you find your peace in life--steve


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#193440 - 12/02/07 10:22 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
it really helps------------having people relate to this-yet i feel guilty------------like i am whinning and taking from them-------------------and not giving back--------------------its like i am only concerned about me----------------and there are so many-hurting people here------------------i wish i could take the hurrt away from everyone----------here-----------but i cant so i can only try and say---i am sorry---------i wish it was better for you---------------and hoping it does get better-------------steve


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#193446 - 12/02/07 11:01 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: sabata]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Guys;
A really great post. I certainly know what you are going through also. I have only been dealing with my csa issue since Sept., so I do know that over time, seems every day, the crying and all the emotions that go with it do get less and easier. Believe me all the thoughts, emotions are still there. But I seem to have been able to cope/shelf the emotions some what. Then when I am in a safe place, I can let them/emotions out and cry like a baby. In reading many of the posts, I just think this a part of the healing process that we all have to go through. I know is will not be easy, but in my case I am determined to get through this and heal from the inside out. My determination is there, I just hope that will power on my part continues. I would hope that you too can get to the point of wanting to continue to heal. I hope too that all this work on our parts is going to be worth a better us.

I am so thankful for this MS site. It is comforting to me to know that I am not the only one going through this journey.

It doesn't seem fair, but I guess we have to all deal with the cards we have been dealt. My T told me last week that in order for me to heal, I have to come to Peace With What Happened To Me. I certainly do not have to like it, I just have to understand that this is my life. Sound easy but for sure in my case certainly not easy. Keep fighting guys.

Until then

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#193515 - 12/02/07 10:47 PM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

Remember how guys speak about recovery as "the rollercoaster"? That's what you are experiencing, I think. Sometimes we are processing, sometimes we are benefiting from our gains, and sometimes we are just plain hurting and all the world sucks. It's all part of how our healing works, unfortunately.

One thing you say deserves a special comment, Steve:

Originally Posted By: sabata
I Am A Man---------------I Shouldnt Be Going Threw This------------------------Men Suck It Up-------And Just Get On With Things------------------------I Feel Like Such A Whimp


Actually, the idea that "real men" just "suck it up" and "get over it" is one of the most insidious male macho myths going. Men have as much right and need to express their hurt and feelings as women do, and it takes true courage for a guy to honestly and openly face his abuse issues and how he feels about them.

I see every post on this site as an act of remarkable bravery and I am so proud of all of you. Remember that we are the small minority who have chosen to face what was done to us and dare to talk to others about it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#193543 - 12/03/07 06:08 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks-Larry------------i know its a roller coaster--------------------------seems when i am really feeling-------------i have the urge to express myself--------------i think it helps----------for me to write it here-----------------just to get it out----------------------------------i am so greatful for this site and everyone here---------------------thanks---------------steve


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#193577 - 12/03/07 11:51 AM Re: I Just Dont Understand [Re: sabata]
thesun3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 49
Hello Sabata. I remember when I felt what you described as...."Thier Is No Going Back"...The realization that ther is no going back to what appears comfortable and safe can be disheartening as well as enlightening. I've struggled with moving on...everytime life calls me forward...I want to take two steps back...Knowing theres no going back can trigger grief, resistance, and pain. But we need people. And learning to trust again and again can be tiring and distressing. But don't give up!Through the tears and fears there can be healing. Remember..."feeling means healing"....We are here for you.

_________________________
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
Camus

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