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#193338 - 12/01/07 01:38 PM What if this is my perp's perp?
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I recently heard about a baseball coach arrested for innopropriate conduct with students at a local Catholic high school.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=193335&page=1#Post193335

My brother attended this school from 1989-1993, and I believe this coach worked there at the time, I've always thought he was abused and he had lots of trouble in school, fights (verbal) with teachers, etc.

What IF my brother was abused by this guy and this brings it up, will he disclose to our family. Will he disclose his abuse of me? I know not likely but I'm not ready for this is quite sudden. This coach would ask students to perform sexual acts and then describe them to him afterwards for cash? What if my brother was describing our sexual acts to this man for money?

I don't know, some of these things are a little far fetched but just the possibilities are a bit overwhelming.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#193343 - 12/01/07 02:18 PM Re: What if this is my perp's perp? [Re: onlyakid]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
jt,

If your brother was abused and shares all this with your family, a great family tragedy will be on the way to healing. The festering sore will have popped.

Sometimes we so strongly believe these things should stay hidden that it is almost impossible to see the fact that the hiddennes is what makes them scary to begin with.

I've been through this myself, so I know what it's like to feel that deep fear of disclosure. Nothing has ever felt so freeing as the letting go of that fear and seeing the gush of rotten slime that was finally out of me. All I had left was to clean the wound with the sun and the fresh air and deal with the emptiness that was left in its wake.



Danny


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#193346 - 12/01/07 02:29 PM Re: What if this is my perp's perp? [Re: onlyakid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: jtt5254
What if my brother was describing our sexual acts to this man for money?


That sounds to me like coming to that realization would be like being abused all over again.

You've already started to process this, which means that you're ahead of the curve. I can only wish you the best if these fears do, indeed, come to fruition.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#193351 - 12/01/07 03:39 PM Re: What if this is my perp's perp? [Re: BJK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

I'll just say that the secret of abuse is never worth keeping. When it's a secret someone is always hurt over and over again; and when it comes out, even if it's awkward at first, that's the first step towards healing for everyone.

If your brother was abused by this coach I hope he will come forward and say so. Jason, my friend, there's never a perfect time for the truth to come out. It always sucks at first. But I don't regret a single one of the steps that I or others have taken with respect to my own abuse history. All I can say is that I wouldn't be this far along if others had not encouraged me to speak out and done the same themselves.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#193373 - 12/01/07 06:37 PM Re: What if this is my perp's perp? [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
It looks like it was a false alarm one of the other articles said he started coaching at the school in 1994, the year after my brother left and several years after my brother started abusing me.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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