Hello I am seeking some advice. I a 20 years old male and have had alot of repressed memories resurface within the past few years.
I was sexually abuse when I was 4 years old by a older male. I never told anyone until a few weeks ago and I am currently seeking out some therapy. My question is should I seek help from a male or female counselor?

Hi PZ,

Welcome to the Male Survivor site! I'm glad you found us and I hope you benefit from all the many things that are going on here. It's a great bunch of people we have here, and they will show you a lot of understanding and support.

On your question, different guys will give you different answers depending on their own circumstances and feelings. I have always had female therapists, for example; I have always doubted I would do well with a male therapist, but probably that was due to how I was reacting to my feelings of shame and guilt. But other guys will say that for exactly the same reasons they needed to see a man rather than a woman.

It really comes down to who you think you will feel comfortable with. Making real progress in therapy will mean you need to be open and honest with your T; you have to trust the T and your first sessions will probably be about trust-building. Try to think of some of the most difficult things you need to talk about, imagine how it would feel telling those things to a man or a woman, and then decide accordingly.

And remember that you can always change your mind if your first option doesn't work out. If you are seeing a male therapist, for example, and discover that you just can't talk to another man about these things, then he will absolutely understand (or should understand) if you need to switch to a woman.

Much love,
Larry

Well I am currently seeing a male therapist, but I feel like I have to hold back some of my pent-up feelings of rage and some pretty emotional stuff. Someone once told me that if your looking for advice turn to your father (which I do often), but if it has anything to do with emotions or how your feeling women counselors seem to relate better. I think I could agree with that statement.

PZ,

You may well be right there. Perhaps one way forward would be to raise this very question with your current T: "I have pent up feelings of rage and some pretty emotional things to talk about, but somehow I find it difficult to let them out in our sessions". See what he says.

Much love,
Larry

Hi PZ,
For myself after going to many therapists over many years I finally went with female only because of the holding back and the fact I have a hard time trusting males. If I don't trust who I'm seeing then I will never reveal what brought me to therapy in the first place. It took me 2 years in therapy before I opened up about the csa. Even though I trusted my therapist I had to build it over time. I don't think I could have done that with a man since it was men that were my abusers. Choice is yours shop around. It is important that your therapist have experience with CSA. I lucked out because I got one that works with csa as a specialty. I was lucky because I went for depression, and this was an added bonus that has changed my life.
peace
Rick

PZ,
Welcome to MS.

Guys have already given you a great advice.

To add to what's been said, I want you to pay attention to her or his SKILLS. Some question you can T are: did you work with male surviviors? for how long? was their recovery successful in your treatment? etc.

A skillful T can be much help, andI personally work with a female T. I have felt ok with her and could raise my voice and guide our sessions and propose new tasks to work on.

It is all about your feeling in interration with your therapist. Trust you inner feelings and if you feel she/he is good, you will finally trust your T, which is the most important step in therapy for male survivors.

Alexey