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#192944 - 11/28/07 08:30 AM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Seven,

I would take your case immediately to the CAB and see what they suggest. It's incredible that a guy in your situation should be abandoned like this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#192974 - 11/28/07 10:59 AM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
I am very sorry to hear this.
Do you have someone close that you can at least talk to about this? A brother or friend or someone?
When our basic needs threatened, it is difficult to think clearly.
If you don't, I suggest you use this board and the chat room at least to talk and think out loud. Don't stay alone.
I'll try to log in to the chat room as often as I can.

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#192995 - 11/28/07 01:17 PM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: rcm]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
SA,

Try to calm down in several ays and talk to someone whom you know well and trust. People help. I think there coud be a bueraucracy mistake or fault, so more effort put in is an option, to my mind.

Take care,
Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#193249 - 11/30/07 04:22 PM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: alexey]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
I no longer know what to do, i look at the place i am in. All i see is that i opened up and told of my shame and disgust of the abuse in my childhood.
People listened and said kind words, some showed me how to feel again.
I was scared but i told all the details of a lot of what happened when i was a child. I let myself become vulnerable.
now the state has said that im not entitled to any monetary help.
So because i opened up and displayed my inner hurt and shame. I am finding it hard to function and cant face the people on the street.
I am listening to a song that sums up were i am. Its Linkin Park, ''In the end''.

'' I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it dosent even matter''.

Sounds like my life, do i carry on and wait till i see the psychiatrist and try to sort all this out.

Or does it really matter.


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#193279 - 12/01/07 01:22 AM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Seven,

It does matter indeed, and yes, I hope you will continue with therapy and let your T help you. And as I suggested earlier, please do go to the Citizens' Advice Bureau and see what they say about financial assistance and the options that are open to you.

When things get rough it's always a big temptation to just give up. That's what we did in childhood, because we really did have no options at all. But as adults we just have to keep telling ourselves that we are worth it and that we deserve whatever help we can get.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#193315 - 12/01/07 09:54 AM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: roadrunner]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
Because my wife works two days a week and earns a few pounds over the benefit limit, i am not entitled to any benefit. Ive spoke with so many people at the benefit office and they all say the same thing. My wife earns too much and works more hours than the limit set by the unemployment office.
I have enough money for all the bills at the end of this month, after that i dont know what is going to happen.
Ive also sent my mum another letter this time it goes into more detail about my childhood abuse. Still waiting after two weeks for a reply.
I have reached the point were im shutting down again, its easier than having to deal with all the memories and flashbacks. I hope by shutting down this will stop me dissing and losing time.

If by going backwards is the only way to shut out the pain i feel and take away the shame, then thats what i must do. I just cant keep going along with all this and with money worries on top. My marriage is tottering on the brink of chaos. I just dont want all this anymore.
For the first time in my life i dont know who or what i am, so many thoughts shouting for attention in my head. I just want to hide and disappear from the world.


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#193367 - 12/01/07 05:37 PM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
onthenet Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/25/07
Posts: 10
You'll probably never read this post. I read "Why" then went back to old posts. Saw this one. My fingers starting strolling across my laptop and this is what came out.

You're not American. And yet your story is the same as mine. Not in particular aspects. But in wanting it to stop. The memories I mean. The emotional charge of being violated and wishing you had done something about it with your adult mind. But not taking into account where you were. The mind of a child. Is so malleable. It is plastic and putty and puppy dog tails. The words that mean so much to you like "Abuse" "Rights" "Coward" meant nowhere near the same thing as you were a tot.

I don't say that you don't have a right to be mad. Even at yourself but if you forgive yourself for being human you'll be able to forgive everyone else. Not that you think that what happened was OK just that you want to open yourself up to all that you are really capable of and your abuser is in the way. Does he get to win forever? I hope not. Because if he can beat you then he can get me too. I want us to stand together and say I move beyond what I thought was OK then and move into what's OK right now. Can you do that? I hope so...

Because I'm praying for you...

Peace...


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#193402 - 12/02/07 04:13 AM Re: Dont know what to do [Re: onthenet]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
Thank-you onthenet

Forgiveness, now that's a hard word to even say let alone be able to forgive either myself or my abusers. Since letting down the barriers and allowing myself to feel, all hell has broken loose. I want to move on but with all the problems im going through its hard to move on.
My doctor and counselor told me to open up and try and say what happened, ive only been able to say a tiny bit of what happened to me for 11 to 12 years.
But i tried and did as my doctor and counselor said, now its like the state has turned its back on me, all them wasted years in the army and home office count for nothing. If i cant work because of mental health issues and i cant get help with living costs. I dont know what to do. This is putting a hell of a strain on my marriage, many times ive thought about just going out the door and never coming back.
Sorry if this sounds negative but its how my life is, going nowhere and standing still but going backwards at the same time. Ive been awake for three days now, as the sleep problems are getting worse and i do not want to sleep. Most of the time i dont sleep for more than a couple of hours per night. Thankyou for praying for me, i dont know if it will do any good but thankyou.


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