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#192867 - 11/27/07 09:45 PM More on yelling:
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I can't take it when people yell around me at inappropriate times. A rock concert or a ball game is one thing. If I'm sitting in a quiet room and someone comes in and simply talks louder than is required, it freaks me out. It triggers me. It's my most powerful trigger.

It's getting stronger as well. Three times today at work, I had to fight back tears simply because someone came into my work area and started talking louder than normal. Even worse is when they interrupt me to do this.

I'm sure this is a symptom of PTSD. It triggers my dissociation at times, and I just don't know how to get people to realize it is unacceptable to me.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#192873 - 11/27/07 10:13 PM Re: More on yelling: [Re: BJK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I've had a few problems in my new job because of a girl that just laugh's so loud. It's like f***ing razer blades going through me. I'm working on my issues so hard but I'm so afraid I'm going to scream at her to shut the f**k up. Ugh, it's awful.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#192883 - 11/27/07 11:46 PM Re: More on yelling: [Re: mogigo]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
I think it is a sympton of PTSD.

I can't eat in the lunchroom at work because of the volume of the talking and the amount of people talking at one time.

I eat alone.

Do they startle you from behind and start talking or do they come face to face to you and start talking?

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#192889 - 11/28/07 12:41 AM Re: More on yelling: [Re: healing_inside]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
i dont have PTSD but i have the same problem Brian although i think not as severe as you. i am fine with loud people when i'm ready for them, like a concert or the lunch room but if i am not expecting it i get very nervous and uncomfortable


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#192917 - 11/28/07 06:55 AM Re: More on yelling: [Re: theatrekid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I actually had to have a buzzer installed so that people couldn't startle me from behind while coming into my work area. I also have a mirror so I can see behind me at all times. Being startled affects me immensely. I have mini-flashbacks and hallucinations when that happens. While I'm tired of getting crap for needing such a device, it is much better than the alternative.

When it comes to people who yell, it doesn't matter if it startles me or if I'm completely expecting it. When someone yells, or even talks louder than is necessary (three of the people I work with are hard of hearing), I feel like I'm 3 years old. My co-workers, who are used to yelling at their kids to be heard, don't understand that yelling at me is a sure way to ensure that I won't hear.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#192918 - 11/28/07 07:02 AM Re: More on yelling: [Re: theatrekid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bryan,

That's almost surely a part of your PTSD problem, but I bet there's also a more general abuse issue lurking in there as well. Isn't yelling and raising the voice one way in which a little boy is disempowered, intimidated and reduced to submission? Having people unexpectedly (Chris nails this one dead to rights) raise their voices is probably something that makes you feel victimized and unsafe all over again.

Part of the answer would be to recognize this for what it is and let yourself see that things are different now - loud voices now don't mean what they did when you were young. And how about saying something to your colleagues? You wouldn't have to be loud yourself. You could just suggest that shouting or aggressive talk doesn't get things any closer to a solution.

Speaking up may not feel easy to do, but there we have an empowerment issue. As boys we learned that it didn't do any good to ask for what we needed - we would just get more hurt. But now we know differently. We have every right to ask that those working with us treat us with respect and cooperation to get the day's tasks done.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#192941 - 11/28/07 08:19 AM Re: More on yelling: *DELETED* [Re: BJK]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Post deleted by krayoss


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#193040 - 11/28/07 07:35 PM Re: More on yelling: [Re: krayoss]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Thanks to everyone who responded.

Larry, part of my problem is the fact that I have reiterated again and again to some of these people that it is not okay to yell when in my work area. One guy is constantly coming to sit in the cube next to me to talk on the phone, and he is deaf in one ear so he yells louder than any of the many tools that I need to rely on to do my job (Nextel walkie talkies, two way radios, telephone, other dispatchers). My T tells me that when this happens, since I have said again and again that it needs to stop, I need to get angry. How reaffirming can that be? I actually am allowed to be angry!

But then comes the problem of them talking over me when I try to raise my voice to get them to be quiet as well as them getting angry back at me. Not being able to be heard is a huge trigger for me. Having people yell directly at me is another huge trigger. I can tell myself again and again that I'm not in any immediate danger, but that doesn't stop me from dissing out. The only way to stop the dissociation involves crying.

Truthfully, it makes me feel like a wuss.

Krayoss: I've come to realize how wonderful of a parent my sister is in a lot of ways. One thing I have never see her do around her children is raise her voice. She changes her tone of voice, but she never raises it. The kids know when they reach a certain tone, they had better shape up. I hear you, though. Kids, especially really little kids, have fragile ear drums. Yelling at a child can be painful, and it doesn't accomplish anything. I also cringe when I see a parent yell at a child.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#193050 - 11/28/07 08:50 PM Re: More on yelling: [Re: BJK]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Bryan,

I have had this same issue. The sound of an angry mans raised voice is the worst for me. Even the sound of a loud reving engine or a car tearing up our road sends fear through my body. It has got better for me over the last few years but it is still there.

Dale


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#193120 - 11/29/07 08:49 AM Re: More on yelling: [Re: Elad 12]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bryan,

Perhaps your T could run through a few role-playing drills with you so you know how it would work out if you asserted yourself to get the shouting to stop. At the very least these drills might help Little Bryan to see that the shouting isn't meant to hurt him and (more importantly) no longer means that harm is about to come his way. The key will be to break the link that now exists between the raising of voices and his expectation of harm.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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